Harrassment

Hi,

I hope this post is allowed in this community. A few months ago, I resorted to something awful. I sent images and videos of myself (yes, explicit ones) to a man whom I didn't know. I can't explain why I did it so please don't judge what I did. I've been used in the past, sexually assaulted...it's been a year since that incident, and I still cannot recover. He hurt me really badly, and I feel so useless because I can't do anything.

Anyway, this man was just someone I met online, and I was drunk. I've been drinking a lot recently...too much. Last week, I overdosed for the third time on Sertraline. I'm normally on 150mg, but I haven't taken them since. But, this man stalked me. He found all of my private social medias, but because he couldn't contact me, he contacted my friends and family. I had to unblock him to talk, I lied about my age to him so he thought he'd get prosecuted for spreading them around, I told him I was 15 but he didn't care because he knew I couldn't go to the police and have my dad know. I cannot have my dad know, that's the worse thing possible. He makes making new profiles to get to me, and the only thing I can do is delete my accounts, but he finds me somehow. He has my mobile number for God's sake. A group chat was made on a site and he sent them all in, for multiple men to message me saying my "ex" was sending my photos! I've just had a comment on my Instagram photo, and it just said "bitch" from a private account, which means he's back. Yes, I'm an idiot, but I don't know what to do.

8 Replies

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  • Look online, there are some really good support sites for people who have access to a private photo of yours and is using it online. I don't know if youre under the age of 18 but even if youre not Childline have good advice on their website about what to do, which would be good for you as it helps with the fear of family finding out.

    I really hope you're okay. We all make mistakes in the spur of the moment but this is in no way your fault. Do not feel ashamed about it, and IF there is any family member you can trust with this, tell them. The more support you get the better!

    Best of luck, take care of yourself x

  • Thank you very much! I've just turned 18, though I was 17 when I sent the photo.

    I'll check their website, thanks again x

  • Hello Nicole, my goodness what a pickle! First off, welcome to the site, there are no judgements about people's behaviour here. What you will get is understanding and support whilst you try and sort this out.

    Now then, you say that you took your third overdose last week of Sertraline, it is really important that you go and see a Doctor asap, and get a health check up, you don't say what you overdosed on the previous two times, or if you sought medical help or in fact told anyone. OK what I am about to say is not to frighten you at all, but just because you feel as if you have recovered from an overdose doesn't actually mean you have physically, let alone mentally. I don't like making assumptions, but as you speak about your suicide attempts in the middle of the details of the situation you find yourself, I am going to make one and assume that you have tried suicide as a way out of your present difficulties? If there are other reasons please let me know. It is also worrying that you have stopped taking your meds ? why have you made this decision ? stopping so suddenly without medical supervision is not recommended. Please go and see a GP, if you can't bring yourself to talk about what is going on, then write it down, exactly as you have here, and give it to them to read.

    You are the most important person here, which is why I have focused on you first.

    Now to the toe rag who is doing this to you. I do believe that it is a criminal offence to publish intimate photos of someone, on social media without their permission, that is if you are in the UK. You don't say how old you are so there maybe a number of offences being committed by this person. The only agency able to deal with this effectively, that I know of, is the Police. I can only advise you to contact them somehow either directly or via a third person, like the NSPCC. You should not have to live with the burden of this any longer than necessary.

    Please believe me when I say that I have been in some really disastrous situations before, not the same as yours, but similar enough that I do know what it is to live with that horrible feeling that your whole world is about to come crashing down around you, if someone finds something out about you. Trying to live like that is really exhausting and frightening and even though we kid ourselves that our loved ones don't know, well they may not know the details, but they will know that something is not right. If they don't know, they can make up all sorts of fantasies about what is going on. I would imagine that you are spending quite a lot of energy trying to keep the show on the road, show that everything is normal, phew this must be tiring for you.

    Try writing a plan of action out. Break each action down into a series of steps, small ones. For instance, planning to go to the GP. Write out everything you want to say. Then go back to it a couple of hours later and make sure you haven't left anything out. Meanwhile phone and get the next available or an urgent appointment with the GP. Get time off work or college. Please do not worry about what the GP thinks, they are not there to judge you, they are there to help you and support you through this. They really will have heard most things before. I have bipolar and when I have a hypomanic episode I become so energetic and full of graniose ideas, that I have bought plane tickets to Africa, popped on the plane, flown out and have been refused entry to a country due to the lack of vaccinations. My GP was contacted somehow by the airport authorities and negotiated with them, and me to return home. When I eventually returned to a more stable mood, I was terribly embarrassed to have to go and see my GP and in fact ignored the calls from the surgery. He then turned up on my doorstep. They really have seen it all.

    Finally I just want to say that ending your life is not the way out of this problem that it appears to be. Unless this gets resolved, the photos will still be there, this man will just move onto terrorise someone else. These problems are solvable.

    I hope this helps, take care,

    Fi.

  • Hello,Nicole, don't beat yourself up too badly about what you did. You know it was n't something to be proud of but we've all done stupid things we're not very proud of when drunk. Even people who usually become more pleasant when drunk (they are rare) can occasionally be affected the other way . This is going to sound a bit sexist but myself I think its true that there is more risk to drunken females than drunken males in all sorts of ways. I used to drink quite a lot when young so can't lecture you, but at 73 I can tell you most of the things I regret doing in life were when drunk (nothing serious but certainly embarrassing).

    That apart I can't add much more to Maisymay's and FI68 's good advice.

    Olderal

  • Hi I am so sorry for what you are going through due to a silly mistake. Please don't be too hard on yourself as you are by no means the first to have done something silly, especially when drunk.

    I can't add to the excellent advice you have been given but do want to say make it a priority to change your mob number or get your providers to block this person. They can do this.

    Like all of us you will learn from your mistakes but don't beat yourself up about it any more. This is very nasty and the police will deal with it.

  • As other's have already said,don't beat your self up about what you did,it's 2017 and sexting is pretty rife in this day and age,and somewhat of a normal behavior that's occuring amongst a lot of teen's & too some degree adult's as well.

    However the guy your talking about seem's like a major troll/stalker,and is committing a felony by sharing an image of an underage child(as you were 17 at the time) you are still considered a minor in that picture,also he did not have permission to share the image of you,which is also a criminal offence(from my understanding).

    You are now 18,so i do not see the problem with you going to the police station and making a complaint and as it is a private matter,i don't see how your father will know(i am not sure as to why you do not wish him to know but,as stated if you have someone to talk to about this,then you really should).

    I can't stress enough,that you should not be embarrassed by this act,because you are not the only person in the world that has ever done this,and you will not be the last person in the world that will ever do this.

    Unfortunately you have come across this troll that is intent on making you miserable and probably know's exactly what they are doing. But i hope you find the courage to go to the police(and from this point on) take screen shot's of the messages,and that can be used as evidence.

    From my understanding police tend to Categorize child pornography in regard's to severity from the age of the minor in the image/video,etc,however the guy is also commiting other offence's such as harrasment & can also come under the revenge porn law that was introduced i think it was 2 years ago.

    So personally i would just recommend advice from the police or via a solicitor because they are breaking the law 100 %.

    (my grandfather was a police officer,my uncle is a police officer,and one is a retired inspector who also was in the police force,and at one point i was also interested in going down that road)

    But again,do not beat your self up about this,and seek help asap,if you still feel you can not do this,then there are app's that you can download that will allow you to block phone numbers etc. Good Luck.

  • You have had great advice on here, I think if this man is exploiting you, stalking you it really shows what he is. I suggest like the others who have replied you must get police involved (your family will understand) by the sounds of him he knows his way around the computer and social media. Who else is he doing this too, if he was any kind of decent man he would have deleted pic right away. But he has decided to keep it and use it. Please seek help their are a lot of vulnerable girls out there that this creep can prey on and if you can put a stop to even just one creep, your doing good in helping others. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do.

    Take care.

    Ps you are not at fault stay strong and positive,

    ❤️❤️

  • Hello Nicole, I remember reading a very similar post from you about 7/8 months ago. You received some very good advice then as you have now. Obviously you didn't choose to take it then, but I hope you will now. Personally I feel a little suspicious of your reason for posting something so serious a second time and so far apart. I do feel that you do need some help and support no matter the reason for the post. What is really bothering you and how can we help? Don't worry about judgements, but be fair. We can't help you if we don't know what you need. An old friend, Pam

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