Feeling really low and very selfish


I need some help and advice I guess.So since the age of 15 and at the loss of my grandmother I have suffered from depression and sadly have in the past tried to take my own life in those early years of diagnosis. I also have had unwelcome and repetitive and unwelcome negative thoughts and was diagnosed some 17 years ago with Ocd.as you can probably tell I'm not as young now as back when it all started. But after years of antidepressants I have finally come off them and had Cbt which has been the best thing I've ever had I only wish it was available 30+ years ago

So anyway 9months ago I decided it was time to take my self with the help of my Gp off the antidepressants. So it's been 9 months now I've been off them and was until 2 weeks ago doing great.

Then our world collapsed my eldest daughter was expecting our second grandchild and went for a routine scan at 5 months.

I was working away at the time and my wife my daughters partner and my 4year old grandchild, all went along to see the scan and to find out the sex of the baby was.

I got a phone call that I wouldn't want any parent, grandparents or anyone to get

The hospital couldn't find the babies heartbeat and told us he had died.

I feel completely lost I feel so much pain for my daughter I'm helpless but also feel so selfish as I'm feeling really low

We had the funeral for him last week which was really hard and collected his Ashes yesterday

All I want to do is sleep and can feel myself after doing so so well slipping backwards

Why does this happen to my beautiful lovely daughter

She doesn't smoke never has she even gave up drinking pop and eating rubbish

10 Replies

  • So sorry to hear this, but now you have to use the techniques you found helpful before with cbt initially.

    A few thoughts to bear in mind:

    A high proportion of miscarriages will involve an abnormality of the developing baby which is not compatible with life

    Some 20% of pregnancies miscarry, although after 20 weeks it is down to 1%.

    Your daughter sounds as though she did all she could and knows that she can get pregnant again.

    The grief will pass, it sounds as though there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this and it was more likely natures way.

  • Hi Clay49

    I'm really so very sorry to hear your news. Bereavement is vey painful for anyone but you are experiencing grief not only for yourself but your daughter and family too. You are not being selfish, please don't ever think that, your grief has triggered feelings of previous depression and anxieties, causing you to be fearful. Feeling 'low' is perfectly normal and wanting to sleep is a natural way of 'shutting out' the pain. It will take time but you will get through this.

    My thoughts are with you and your family and please feel free to message me privately.


  • Thankyou

  • excellent caring reply. ❤️i send my love and sympathy also. and as has been said you will get through this in time. your not being selfish.

  • Great reply Chloe. Bev x

  • Thank you Bev, I just happen to be a Bereavement Counsellor.


  • Oh wow! Very handy on here... Bev x

  • Hi

    I am so sorry to hear this very sad news.

    Please go and see your dr about this. Antidepressants will help you to get over this and be there for your family in this time of need. Don't forget it's to help you and you can come off off them again.

    As a mother who has lost babies I do know what you and your family are going through. All,I can say is that you never forget, but time does help and it does not mean there will not be other children to come along. I also have a friend who went full term and lost her daughter, she went on to have two children. As I said we never forget, but we can live on and have a life and enjoy what we do have. You will enjoy your family life again!

    Please get help and hang on in there!

    My sincerest best wishes to you and your family.

  • Hello, Clay,

    I have known quite a few women who have lost babies--I think it happens more often than we might realize. That said, I know a woman who had the same experience as your daughter, and she's now the mother of three! Seeing your doctor and possibly taking antidepressants (for now) would be the best thing, I agree.

    Best wishes to you!


  • Thank you all for replying. It's really appreciated

    I seem to feel a bit better now just I guess sharing how I feel has helped.

    It's such a horrible situation but like people say time will heal I guess

You may also like...