I can't accept that I am vulnerable


I am wondering if someone can please help me. I always compare myself to everyone and I think I am not good enough. Especially my best friend. She is much prettier and skinnier than me and she has a boyfriend as well as my other friends. She would always be on dates with him and when me and my friends go out they can all talk about sex to one another and I can't join in as I don't have a boyfriend and I'm even a virgin (21). I'm not that pretty either so I understand why I don't get male attention but I am feeling so low about this. My friends have what I wish to have and I feel a lot shitter than them. What is mostly putting me down is the fact that I cannot accept the fact that I feel vulnerable. I got put on antidepressants and I can;t accept how my friends are happy with their lives whilst I am alone and struggling mentally. I always tell my feelings to my best friend but I just feel like I annoy her and should let her get on with her happy life. I also don't like accepting that I am more vulnerable than her. Can someone please please help me. This is horrible. I am sad that I have been feeling sad really.

8 Replies

  • Hi,

    If it helps I have a similar situation to this and Im 20.

    Im single, Unattractive, on antidepressants as well as still being a virgin.

    I understand what you're going through believe you me :/

    You may feel that you're unattractive compared to your friends and that you dont have any guys attention on you. It really sucks and it does make you vulnerable and question everything about yourself. Its part of our nature to do so!

    In terms of confiding in your best friend, that's what she is there for. If she was sick of your 'drama' then she would tell you. They're there to support you.

    One day somebody will pop up in your life and it will suddenly make sense.

    Sadly you're just going through a rough patch at this point.

    As I have always thought life eventually equals itself our. sometimes there are bad moments and then good moments will come up.

    Just hang in there and remember you are a strong and independant women and will soon have everything planned out. Just takes time.

    Hope this helps a little.


  • Frankly, I would change my friends. Some attractive people take pleasure in putting other people down. People who take on volunteering roles very often increase their self worth might be worth looking to see if there are any opportunities there for you.. Have you had counselling ? Unfortunately the more depressed that we feel the less attractive we are to others so first thing is to get your depression treated with effective therapies. Don't think being sexual active is the solution in the wrong circumstances it can cause more grief.

    Good luck things will get better.

  • Hi not good enough for what? Life doesn't come with set rules on how to live and how to behave you know. There is no criteria for being 'good enough' or not being 'good enough' Your life is your own to live the way you choose. It is a mugs game to compare yourself to others. You have friends so obviously they see good things in you otherwise they wouldn't want to be your friends would they?

    Concentrate on the positive things in your life and not the negative. And before you say I don't know what I am talking about I do! I am not and never have been pretty or skinny and yes I have had more than my share of put downs from the opposite sex, but at the end of the day it's personality that counts. Energy and interest in people is what makes you attractive and more so than a pretty face you know. Liking yourself and being comfortable with yourself is very attractive you know, and since I realised that I have had my share of male interest and good times.

    No one wants to be around sad people, but they do want to be around vital people with a lust for life regardless of how they look. x

  • Hello

    You are a breeze of fresh air, twenty one and never been kissed, if I was not sixty five and still in my twenties I would be a very happy person to meet you and take you out, you are a jewel.

    Live your life, eventually you will find a man who will be looking for someone like you, He will most probably will be that soul mate that many will be unable to meet especially your so called fiends. Why bother feeling envious they are following a pathway that you need not follow, you are special.

    If you feel uncertain and frightened or vulnerable talk to your GP. Do not run out into a society who are always galloping along the road of greed. Be patient you have your life to lead, you have plenty time to grow up and find a good partner who will feel and be very much like you


  • Well said about the galloping society thing! It's strange to think that these days people are feeling like there's something wrong with them if they haven't had a sexual partner by the time they're 20, when in the past the situation would be the complete reverse! I don't approve of this Orwellian tendency in modern society to box and number everyone and make us all the same!

  • An Orwellian Society, no-one would wish that on any Society or generation. We all have that right to choose, We have been fighting for that since the Battle of Trafalgar and the First World War.

    One thing I would always say to anyone is, we are all individuals especially in this modern Society, We all make our own decisions and we live and fall by what we do and say.

    When I was in my twenties I always tried to do no harm and think out my actions for not only my good, also for those who became affected by my activities.

    Always think ahead and consider the possibilities and actions you may have on your future life. You can live and fall on decisions made now.


  • Hi

    I've been there before myself it does get better :)

    I'm 22 now but I only had my first bf when I was 20 and that's mainly down to changing my attitude towards myself. I was constantly comparing myself against my friends and other girls but I decided that needed to change. The only way someone else can love you is if you start to love yourself for who you are, and accept your flaws.

    Imperfections can be perfection to the right guy :)

    I think you should try online dating, just hear me out on this..

    I found my partner through online dating on "plenty of fish" I dated a few guys before I found him but you don't just settle for anyone until you find the right one. I think this will be Perfect for you as you talk to them as long as you want before you decide to meet up! Just let a friend know where your going.

    It will get better! :)

    If you need someone to talk to I'm here :)

    Mel x

  • Hi,

    Have you ever heard of the saying it's what's on the inside that counts? If people are only going on your looks then there shallow as it's what's behind the looks that's most important YOU. Let me explain this abit more your heart is on the inside and that is where you keep your feelings if your happy you light up if you're sad a tear makes your eyes shine, your brain is also inside and that holds your personality are you funny, kind, warm,friendly, trusting, mysterious,crazy, shy maybe abit of all but when people look past looks thay always find a beautiful person and I bet I'd find that in you if I knew you as to me looks don't exist unless there your inner beauty and I used to be 32St been married twice my 1St husband people use to say looked like a zombie I didn't see that my current husband everyone says is good looking again i don't see that I see the warm, kind heart inside him the real person and also about the sex when your ready I'm 35 I had my first time when I was 17 and it was rubbish I've had better since but I would actually rather not have it at all so you wait until the time is right when you get your Mr right and the magic of love is with you.