Really low again!!

Hi, after recovering from my last episode in 2013, I can not believe I have crashed again. It feels worse. My daughter has left home and suddenly I'm feeling like....'what on earth have I got now?

My daughter was everything to me, I gave her my life, we travelled around the world together, everything! We did it together, but she has met a lovely man, moved in with him, and they have had a beautiful daughter together. I feel so left out, but I wouldn't tell her this ...I do know it is the natural order of things. I've also just lost my job, probably for the best as it was ridiculously stressful.

I can't bear to think I might have another 30-40 years of this illness. I would just love not to be here. Surely that's easier than living such a hard life😥😥

7 Replies

  • Hello Social

    When children fly the coop, we they meet someone, that is part of living, as is your daughter having children . That is part of life and there is nothing much you can do when this happens.

    Many Grand Mothers look after the child on occasions and then feel they are part of the new family?? Can you not visit on occasions?.

    Life should have you meaning as children will grow up. Grandparents sometimes get a lot out of their new charges, when I was young my life revolved around a Surrogate family and on occasions my Grandparents. So it may be nice for you to make a new nitch into a new growing family.

    Personally I am now retired at sixty five and all the bills and mortgage are payed and have time on my side where I can now fulfill my hobbies. We need to make a new life for ourselves. We did all our travelling many years ago and now we have a dog who goes on holiday with us, He seems to make his own adventures and keep us both young.

    We are members of English Heritage, National Trust and Historic Houses, we have days out and visit properties and gardens. The National Trust runs area centres that have days out, they also visit properties in the Summer and do lectures in the winter, the latter are generally free. There are also so many different things and societies you can join and meet new people and couples.

    Life changes and we also need to adapt to new challenges, to do that it keeps us fresh and the brain active, as Depression will take away your memories and we can loose all that is positive in our lives.

    See your GP and discuss your feelings, fears and concerns. All I can really suggest is make another life for yourself, it is hard I know. My depression is caused by Chronic Health problems and generally I will have this now until I die, although I still try and keep myself busy.

    Good Luck


  • Thank you for your kind response.

  • Hi

    Please don't say you would love not to be here - imagine how your daughter would feel then?

    I know exactly how you feel - my daughter went away to University 3 years ago, and I expected (hoped) she would move back when she finished, but she has decided to stay away. My son also leaves for Uni in September so I will really have to deal with a new way of life without my kids.

    I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a teenager and managed it with varying degrees of success, through counselling, self help etc - pills a couple of times, but didn't like the side effects and didn't find them very helpful. It is a dreadful illness - life is hard enough without it. I suffer from very low self esteem and abandonment issues, which is why my kids leaving is having such a terrifying effect on me.

    I don't have an answer for myself yet, so can't offer too many wise words to help you. It helps to keep thinking that this is such a positive thing for my kids, they have worked hard for it and deserve it and I am very proud of them. I keep repeating that as a mantra. I also keep running through the things I can do with my life, get plenty of exercise, read, volunteer, garden, walk, take classes - and try and stay as much a part of their lives as I can.

    With a grand daughter you have a great way of being a major part of your daughter's life - by looking after her - and being involved with a child always lifts spirits as well. Your daughter is bound to need lots of support as a mum - and you can be there for her.

    You have made one recovery from an episode - how did you do that? It might work again. Don't think you have another 30 to 40 years of depression - you may recover as you did before and feel great for most of that time. Your daughter moving out has triggered this episode and it will take some time to get passed that - but you know you can feel better - just believe that you probably will - for your daughter's sake anyway.

    Good luck - let us know how you get on :)

  • Hi walkthisway, thank you so much for your kind response. I guess I have a way to go before getting back up where I need to be. I'm just so tired of being low when I know it's not really me. I know my daughter would be devasted without me, but I hate the feeling I'm such a burden to her. She has a wonderful life ahead of her, so does her own daughter. I had an awful childhood as many others do to. I do feel so sad all the time, I can barely function and when I do get up and shower, it makes me exhausted and just want to hide in my room with my dogs.

  • Feeling sad (understatement) is exhausting but it won't always be like that. Have you seen a doctor or counsellor? Now might be the time to dig down into those awful memories of your childhood and see if you can find a way to recover. Perhaps do some reading on the subject - there is plenty out there - I have always found Dorothy Rowe particularly useful.

    Your daughter sounds lovely and will not consider you a burden. You will be able to share her wonderful life with her new family and you will be delighted by that when you feel a little bit better :)

  • Yes I am under a very a supportive Gp, and my meds have been increased again. The early weeks of change is awful, already I am feeling light headed because the increase is quite high. I was in the process of CBT at the beginning of the year and had 4 sessions, but had to stop due to my job. Now I'm not working and feel useless.

    I have some useful books, recovering from a traumatic childhood, and Building self esteem, but I can't face them at the moment.

    Are you feeling low too? Tell me about you. It's very kind of you to respond.

  • That is great that you have a supportive GP. Sounds like you have all the help you need in place and just have to wait it out now. When you feel better you will also be able to get a job if you want one.

    Yes I am feeling low as well - but nothing like you. I am able to function ok and do the things that make me feel a bit better. I can currently manage my anxiety and depression without pills - but with quite a lot of effort - and not always successfully - and hope that continues.

    Keep posting on this forum - so many people can understand how you feel and it is good to get it out of your head and put it out there for people to respond to.