I went back to the doctor and asked for help (again) I told him the mess I am on only help for a certain amount of time, (they make me drowsy so I sleep but come mid-morning I am a mess again) he consulted the mental health team and then changed one of the tablets that aren't meant for anxiety/depression!! I am still a mess and the cuts/scars show that, there doesn't seem to be any improvement or end in sight. I am being referred back to the access team (sure I'll end up in hospital) and still waiting for next level CBT to be arranged.
I try talking to the doctor and my boyfriend but he seems to think it's nothing, that it will go away by itself if I just think positively and improve my thoughts. I am negative all the time but not by choice. I am scared and anxious over everything and I just want it to be over. I have had enough of feeling like this and no one listening.
I am a different person to different people and I am tired of it all. I haven't told many people including my family what's going on because I just don't have the energy. They are of no support and always turn things back round to themselves. I would just be a source of conversation amongst them all.
My body hurts and my stomach/digestion is agony.
On top of it all I think my ME is rearing its ugly head again. No one really believes in that either which is just tickety-boo!
So fed up with the world I just want a break. I am battling myself with the need to harm!
I'm sorry to moan on but I have to get the thoughts out of my head to ease the messiness/fuzziness. I want to feel better or better still not be me anymore.
I am so miserable. Even if I am distracted for a few hours it comes back and ruins everything.