doctor update: ive got a therapy/councilling appointment for the 6th february. im really scared and to be honest im feeling the lowest have in a real long time. i felt really quite suicidal for the past few days. i hate being under this black cloud, i just feel of no use to anyone when i try :/

also, ive had this friend since i was 10 that has been stealing from me, my family and my home. its taken me a year to confront her, but i did it tonight. it didnt go great and theres a big long story to it but i really want to still be her friend but she is denying everything and i just cant be friends with someone i dont trust. shes caused me lots of bother with my already broken family and other friends. I still am willing to let her be my friend and move on if she admits it, but she wont. i just hate all my situations right now and i cnat eal with this anymore.im sick of this shit, my head is just constantly filled with worries and bad thoughts and i try to cleanse it by seeing the world, trying to feel beautiful, being appy and having a posative, realistic view on life. but this feel always comes back. i just want to end it all right here right now because i simply cant deal with these situations, im a coward i know.


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5 Replies

  • Hi Robyn,

    I hope you can get the help you need in Feb, it's a shame it can't be sooner. I really wish there was something I could do to ease you're suffering. I'm not really sure what I can say. But know that you will find happiness and you will feel better. Depression is a terrible condition but it's treatable - remember that one size does not fit all and you need to find something that works for you.

    The thing I did want to bring up though is this friend. She is a toxic person in your life and I know it's difficult - we can feel attached to and protective towards people even when they treat us like utter crap - but I really think you need to severe ties with her. You care about her but she's hurting you so much staying friends with her isn't healthy, and it will better for you long term. Moreover she doesn't deserve you on principle. You deserve better.

    I've been in a similar situation myself - she never literally stole (that I know of) but she found ways to drain the life out of me and it's only recently I've realised just how much of an unreliable friend she is, she made it easy for me. But I loved her, like I've loved all of my friends. I think the reason it feels relatively easy to try and drift away from her now is because when she treated me the way she did last summer, it's like the person I thought I knew had keeled over and died. She wasn't the person I thought she was. I could be friends with that person, but not this one - the person she really is.

    But if the person in your own life hasn't done anything to shock you then you will see her as being the same person you've always been friends with - so it would be really hard to cut ties. But I can tell you know on a deeper level this friendship isn't right - you need to listen to and act on your intuition.

    She isn't even willing to admit that she's done wrong and ask for another chance (which I would be sceptical towards if she did) so there's definitely no reason to stay her friend. She is exploiting you. Please tell her how much she has hurt you, how disappointed you are with her and say you're ending the friendship, then don't speak to her again.

    I'm sorry my comment couldn't be more helpful. Remember you're a beautiful, strong courageous young woman and we're all here for you.

    Fay xxxx

    P.S. Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Have edited loads. Please re read if you didn't understand the first time and you might notice some changes.

  • thank you so muc for your advice, i thought about it and youre right, she is toxic and she doesnt deserve my kindness; i was being so fair about it and she just threw it back in my face. She eventually now has admitted that she did do it but its because i told her our parents would talk if she didnt admit it now. We've decidednot to be friends anymore (which quite frankly i think im more upset about; which is ironic) but we'll be civil and get on for school sake.

    Thank you so much Fay, it means a lot xxxx

  • Hi and sorry you are feeling so low and desperate at the moment.

    I often find I get more anxious just before a counselling session which is natural but ultimately these sessions should help you understand more about your life and patterns and gradually increase your happiness in life so is worth hanging on for.

    You've just had a bad experience today which is very immediate; hopefully by tomorrow there will be a little bit of distance between it and you may start to pick up a little.

    My Brain is not working great; it's a bit later now; just wanted to say i read and i cared and I hope you feel a little better soon.

    Gemma XX

  • Sorry. You feel so bad. Take care of yourself, and keep in touch. Hope things will get better for you. Regards Lorna

  • None of us are cowards we would just love a happy life but its not always there and the happy days are special, our true friends are special those that we can chat to about anything without them or us hurting x x by what you say you have the wrong friend we have these very sad times when we look, think what could we have done better you already sound as if you wish to move forward go for it, we all have an inner strength we can rely on we're all stronger than we think.... go to your theropy in Feb that will help x x Janis take care be strong

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