i committed suicide twice,but i am still alive.i want to run away from my home,to the place where no one could find me...my family is all around but still i feel myself alone from few years...i can't describe the feeling when you do not love your family...do not love anyone...u consider yourself as a burden on your family...nothing but a loser...a person whom nobody loves...with whom nobody wants to be in touch...the feeling when you love someone out of your family,finding relation like that of family member...and then hurting that person...irritating him/her...making him/her to leave you...and at the end the feeling of loosing that person...feeling of loneliness...feeling of lifelessness...when you want to die...and do not want anything else but getting this pain to leave you.... i start my day with some positivity..but as the day passes by i feel myself as a loser..and at night i cry all alone in my bed daily...i tried to commit suicide but failed...

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8 Replies

  • Hello. Where are you located? Do email me if you feel you want to. I am aware of some of your frightening feelings of isolation.

  • i belong to india...please help me if you can...

  • I'm very happy you're still alive. I'm glad you wrote about yourself here, and now that I've met you here, and I've read your words, your life is precious and priceless to me. However bad you feel, there are people here who care about you, who feel for you, and want you to be happy.

    Have you been able to speak to a doctor about how you feel, yo get some treatment? I'm so sorry, I don't know much about the health system in India.

    Please look after yourself, and keep writing.

  • i live in a village in India..and there is no doctor in near 200kms. whom i may consult..nor do anyone will understand my problem....i know i had several problems with me...and i need a therapist..but i am helpless...as i am alone now..got no one to listen me...no on who can give courage for facing life and moving towards my goal...who can tell me what is right and what is wrong...what should i do in this situation...!!

  • Really sorry to hear that you are so isolated and that you are so far from any form of medical support. One thing that doctors will often ask where I live (UK) is whether you feel better in the morning or in the evening. Generally people who just have depression feel worse in the morning and then feel a little better as they start doing things so feeling worse as the day goes on is usually seen as indicating that there is something else causing the problem - so they do blood tests to check for things like thyroid levels.

    Is there anyone that could help you to get to the doctors?

    I understand that depression is an increasing problem in rural India.

    I think there is quite a bit of information on Depression on the WHO webpages as I think it is starting to become one of their priority areas - I work for an international NGO but it isn't a medical charity. Possibly some of the materials there might be useful to you - and might help your local community understand what is going on.


    You mention moving towards your goal - what is it?

  • i juz want a government job or high post,and i want to be successful,have my own luxury car n lead a happy life. After that I could provide financial help to my parents but i cant serve them as i dont feel love for them.

  • Not being able to feel is part of depression.

    Do you do any form of meditation or yoga or the like - sometimes that can help with depression because it helps you to separate yourself from your thoughts which you need to be able to do if you are to get out of this horrible darkness

  • nope, i did not do anything,but from yesterday,i am concentrating on my breath as an exercise,which i read from a blog,whenever i am captured with thoughts of past...and it helped me,but it cant be done for a long time as most of the time my mind is diverted...

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