The Harder it is, the More Hardcore I Feel

Yesterday, I completed 12 weeks of running, which is pretty exciting regardless, it just seems like a substantial time to keep at something. My 3-month anniversary. (Is that the paper anniversary, or the leather? No, it must be the spandex anniversary.)

It feels good, but another circumstance felt even better.

3 days ago, I finally ran over 5K for the first time. (Yippee!)

2 days ago, I participated in my first outdoor rock climb. (And I had not climbed at all for many years because my mass/strength ratio was far to high and because my joints couldn't take it.) I climbed a freakin' MOUNTAIN. And it was hard, really hard for me, but I did it. A year ago, the hike to the bottom of the face would have probably broken me, never mind hauling myself up a sheer cliff face. It was so much fun.

Then yesterday, in spite of some serious complaints from various body parts, I did my full strength training routine and then ran another 30 minute run. I think I might be as proud of that as all the rest - yeah, it hurt, but I am so happy with my determination to keep up my running and not backslide into indolence. The muscle soreness just made me feel like I earned my health that much more. I don't curl up and whine anymore. I go for a run!

It was a revelation. I am not the crippled gimp that both J and I are accustomed to me being. (He still was worried about me being able to do the hike, and walking on stairs.) And I still worry too - but it is time for a paradigm shift. I am able. Full stop. No canes, no frequent rest breaks, I too can carry the pack. I am able.

9 months ago, I was having a really bad time. I asked myself what I really wanted, that would be in my own control.

"I want to participate fully in my own life."

I have been getting rewards for that decision for several months now, but at -50 pounds and plus 1 million percent strength and stamina, I think I can really say I am at the point of being able to do any "normal" thing I want to. Do I want to dance? Ride a bike? Help someone move? Go surfing or skiing? I bet I can now do all those things, and many more. Not to mention, I can RUN!

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9 Replies

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  • Fantastic post Alaiyo! You have achieved an amazing amount in such a short time. Loud cheers and flags waving here, just for you! :-)

  • lovely blog and a real inspiration to others who want to improve things for themselves. Achieving something that once seemed impossible is a great confidence booster and shows that nothing is beyond you :) Keep on pushing yourself out of your confidence zone and who knows what you'll achieve next?

  • I am not sure what is next. I find myself vaguely contemplating getting into a pool at some point. In a previous life, I used to swim a lot, but got really burned out. Now I am pretty self-conscious in a swim suit, but getting to the point where I might be willing to take the plunge. :)

  • check out your local pool and see when their adult sessions are (often early morning, lunchtimes or later evenings) These are full of adults who also have problems with baring (almost!) all and find these sessions better than the ones where teens and kids are admitted. Join in- the water's lovely! :)

  • Hoorah, hoorah, hoorah. So pleased for you - I can feel your mental grit from here.

  • Your blog makes me smile...So proud of you! With that determination (not to mention the spandex) I just wonder what you are planning next. Remember... Keep those undies on the inside or someone may mistake you for superman (woman)...

  • Inspirational is all I can say :) :) :)

  • I love, love, love you guys! I was having a kinda down-in-the-dumps day, and it was like walking into my own surprise party to see all the kind words. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

  • Read this quote recently. Seems apt:

    "I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestioned ability of a man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." Henry David Thoreau

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