Meant to run for half and hour or so in my rebuilding of stamina and distance but....
Blazing hot and ultra-clammy humid outside.
Smut and ash particles very discernible in the air from the Canadian wildfires. Lungs definitely noticed it!
Coming back from quite a break in anything like a regular running schedule
A sense of impatience and boredom almost that I am presently restricted to less times and distances than I used to be well capable of, over all too familiar route - (but trying not to take this last gripe too seriously 
Instead of running for thirty minutes or so, I tapped out after 18. Not only all the foregoing 'reasonable reasons' but - got caught short and absolutely nowhere to wee and continuing to run made it increasingly difficult not to wet myself lol !
Calmly walked home so bladder would relax a bit (made it too, thank goodness lol )and now looking at the lessons learned, the lessons forgot, and the positives, of the Run.
Because whilst it was 'short' - it was a Run. That puts me ahead of the game right there
Back in 2016 it would have been inconceivable not only to run for that length, but to even attempt running at all in those circumstances.
Now though, instead of 'wishing' I could run, I did.
Instead of lounging on the sofa, I did something infinitely more positive and meaningful.
Instead of falling into the holistic mistake of 'I'll do it tomorrow", I did it today.
That last is very important imho. Every good habit I ever quit I never actually decided to stop on a particular day - I was always going to 'continue tomorrow'...but those tomorrows never came.
Anyway - the lesson I forgot.
Even if you don't FEEL like you have to pee before running, even if you have peed shortly before going running - try going for a pee just prior to going out the door. It works and I am kicking myself for forgetting that this morning! Think of a teacup with just a 'little' water in it - start shaking that teacup around and that water will pretty quickly be sloshing over the sides
And yes, it was hard running this morning, but the honest truth is - running IS harder than NOT running
The recurring question that crops up from beginners ( me also back in the day lol),
"When does it get easier?"
My answer is that for me at least it will never be 'easy' - but it sure as heck gets 'better'
I used to feel very gloomy, despondent and 'won't happen' first time doing the programme when the times would increase - it just did not seem at all possible that I would ever run for thirty minutes without stopping. In my mind, it was such an impossible task I was BOUND to fail! It did take me about 15 weeks to actually graduate - but my graduation run was definitely BETTER than I could have hoped .
Quick recap - mid 50s, badly screwed up foot bones, overweight, two forms of Asthma, had never run more than a few hundred paces in my life including as a kid. HOT June weather here, no proper running gear for the first five weeks - did it in ratty trainers, jeans, cotton tee shirt ( yep - daft as a brush as you say in England's green and merry ) and damn near literally passed out day one.
Went from that - slowly but surely - to completing a FM five years later.
Now I'm back to building up so I can run with my kids in a 5k in September Do I feel like a 'failure'? Should I? Do I feel like I let myself down by 'losing' all that progress? Should I?
Heck no. Life happens, circumstances intervened - Running had to move down my list of priorities for a while. I run to enjoy life more - not make life tougher.
Now - this morning felt tough - but unlike first time around back in '16 it was not 'scary' tough. I now know how 'tough' feels and it does not intimidate me. It's simply what it is, the opposite of sitting on my arse on the sofa. Running takes effort - the gremlins will try to persuade you that that effort equals - "WARNING! WARNING! something catastrophic is going to happen! You are not CAPABLE of doing this!!!"
In other words - you will scare yourself back to the sofa...
Solution - Keep going with your real limitations, not stopping for imaginary ones being trotted out in your gremlin-mind
Boredom/frustration - funny thing is, it's easier (at least for me) to be motivated in the early stages of a new quest/distance/time. It's kind of an adventure - 'can I make 10K? Five miles? 10K?" etc. For now, building back up to 5K is certainly motivation - and throwing in the challenge of some new side street or hill I haven't yet tried. Something to break the 'same old, same old'. Just running to run works fine for a while - but as with everything else, you get used to it and if you get TOO used to it, it no longer becomes a 'treat' but a 'humdrum' thing.
Create your motivation. Keep it fun. I used to aim at distances - but one FM is enough, and for me the ultimate distance. I now 'know' what it feels like so nothing really to 'discover' on that front. To make it meaningful, find an event that touches your imagination Might be a Cause, a place, the people you will run it with, whatever - make it something to get your enthusiasm stirred
When I was far too young I saw a movie called 'The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid'. It's brutal and uncompromisingly violent. Gave me the total heebie jeebies and the local cinema sure put profit before the law, ethics, conscience etc letting us 8 and 9 year old kiddies in to watch it. I did not realise then or until a couple of years ago it Northfield is a real place, and the raid actually occurred. Saw the road sign, stopped by -beautiful little town, very nice people, and entered for the race that commemorates the gallant stand by the townspeople against the Jesse James gang.
"What brought you from so far to run here??" - Well - a rundown cinema in a small Irish town decades ago and a movie that haunted me for years...call it a fun exorcism!"
I ran for a slow 18 minutes this morning - probably only covered a bit over 2K with the couple of new hills thrown in. That is a far cry from what I am ultimately capable of - but that is also what makes my running get 'better', not necessarily 'easier'.
'Easy' isn't a lot of fun, unless you are into having the 'bragging rights' , but getting 'better' at something is true achievement.
This morning's 18 minutes ? When I think of where I started from on June 1st, 2016 - I am as happy with that 18 minutes under the circumstances in which I ran them as I was crossing the Finish Line in my FM
Both were runs to the best of my capabilities, both finish distances were earned
Don't let fear of 'not easy' stop you.
Recognise the discomfort, accept it, and put it in it's proper place - way below all the benefits and outcomes you will gain from each and every run.
Running makes you a runner - simple as that!
Do it do it do it
I can't quite believe this...I ran for 21 minutes!
How can I stop myself from going too fast?
First run abandoned but success on the second try :) 
W5R3 I did it!
