I’ve been prone to periods of depression for the last ten years: they can come floating in at any time, but I always seem to have one in the Spring. It comes with the snowdrops and leaves with the daffodils, and the snowdrops are early here this year . . . I’ve tried various tablets over the years, but they tend to create a sense of distance and slowness which irritates me to death. The one thing that helps, when I can drag myself to it, is to move about and do something. Anything. Otherwise I just drown in apathy, fear and despair. Today I went out and jogged 8:1. I didn’t think I had it in me, but I took it even slower than usual, and there it was. It will be hard work for the next couple of months, because it always is. But it can’t stop me running. Or you either, if you’re in the same boat x
The Black Dog Returns : I’ve been prone to... - Couch to 5K
The Black Dog Returns
Well done for getting out there and pleased for you it helped a little bit. I’m definitely doing this for the mental benefits more then the fitness (but that’s a good bonus!)
It’s the ideal mix, isn’t it ? Thanks for your encouragement x
Oh well done, firstly for giving that black dog a bit of a kicking, and secondly for running for 28 minutes.
You're an inspiration (and you ran further than I managed yesterday!)
I bet you went faster though 😄
Debatable - I don't do fast!
Me neither 😄
Well done you BCK for getting out there instead of hiding under the duvet. Hope you can ride it out shoe surfing X.
Thanks Bodg. The duvet is soooo tempting just now !
I'm with you Buttercupkid. I've noticed, for myself over the last few years, how hard January and February are. Motivation levels are low, mood is low, stress level is high. However, you're so right. If you can just convince yourself to get moving, it makes a HUGE difference. It is just so hard to get moving. Good on you for doing it. You will succeed. That black dog cannot drag you down because you are so strong and know exactly what you need to do.
Thanks SAcat. I always feel my black dog is more like a little whipped puppy, so if he and I can get out for runs together, it’ll do us both good 😀
Congratulations BCK on beginning and running the 28 minutes of run 1 of week 8. Hopefully those runs should avoid those prone periods of depression you tend to have at this time of the year. Onwards and upwards to run 2 of week 8 on Saturday.
Thanks AlMorr x
Apparently April really is the cruelest month. One theory is that in Spring when the sap is rising, we feel the primal response of, essentially, mate or die. Thankfully we are rather more evolved these days but the legacy of those instincts run deep.
I have suffered from episodes of depression since my teens and have tried to end my life on two occasions.
I remember reading a short story in a Readers Digest over twenty five years ago, whilst sitting in a doctors’ waiting room. It talked about depression as a sea that, once in, you need to learn to float on, rather than struggle against the tide. Eventually you will drift to shore, or make your way to a bay, without battling. I found it useful when the depression had me.
These days I’m better at seeing the warning signs. Climbing is my oxygen tank and equaliser. Making sure I carve out time and space for doing those things that bring me genuine happiness/calm is essential.
Well done you 🤗
And you. I’m sorry you’ve had such a struggle, ktsok, and so glad you’re still here with us.
I think one of the best things I read was in Raj Persaud’s book “Staying Sane”. He said that for some people there is no magic recovery, that this is who you are now. I was devastated the first time the depression came back, but that advice helped me to adapt to it. Like you, I’m able now to spot symptoms early and do things that help - when I can find the energy.
It always seems ironic that Spring is the peak season for suicide. Always here if you need someone, and glad to have you standing with me x
Thanks BCK. Likewise. I haven’t heard of Raj Persaud, I’ll look him up. I do believe that it is part of who we are, and that it that can be a positive... it can feed empathy, sensitivity, creativity... I like Kahil Gibran’s take on things (from ‘The Prophet’) - he writes (something along the lines of) the deeper you carve your cup, the greater your capacity to fill it.
That’s a great metaphor. “Staying Sane” has a lot of useful info in but a lot of unnecessary words too - Persaud was a TV doctor and like most celebs, he got away with a lot of padding that could well have been edited out. Worth a look, but not when you’re depressed 😄
Ah. Kahil Gibran doesn’t use a lot of words - but says a lot 🙂
That’s what I need when I’m depressed. The more people say, the less I can take in.
Yes.
😉
It’s so hard when these times come and I admire anyone who can get up and do something when a big part of you resists. The fact is that you’re acting compassionately towards yourself by running and that takes courage! Something positive to build on. Fabulous 😀🌈
Thanks JT. Love the rainbow emoji too !
I think running is going to be fantastic for my head. Prior to that when I've felt low I've gone and stomped up a hill and got some exercise and air and looked at some beautiful scenery. At the very worst my mantra is "put one foot in front of the other and try not to cry"! Walking has seen me through some very bad mental and physical pain and I think running is going to be even better as I'm so hooked on it! My grandad was out walking with 2 sticks at the age of 98! 3 times a day! Just got to keep on...! Hope it works for you!
What a great example ! Never mind whether you cry or not. Crying can be really therapeutic at times, and sometimes you can’t help it. But keeping on putting one foot in front of the other is perfect. You can’t help getting somewhere good if you keep doing that for long enough 😀
I suppose when I've done it I've felt it is time to stop crying and try to get into a different mindset. But sometimes I've thought I might have to walk as far as Scotland in order to achieve that! (**starts daydreaming about holidays in Scotland again haha). I'd have to say that I'm in good shape in all ways at the moment and I really do think the running is massively keeping me that way. I am addicted and I feel so good afterwards!
That’s excellent ! It has pulled me out of a couple of minor sticky patches already, but this is more of a swamp. Definitely helps though. You’re right about crying too: crying with purpose is good, but those days when you find yourself endlessly weeping over nothing at all are the pits !
Hang on in there xxx
That’s the plan 😀
Sorry you are not feeling great, I enjoyed ktsok comparison to the sea, I can understand that. I hope it passes soon. In any case well done for knowing that running helps and for doing it even though it was probably the last thing you wanted to do. 8:1!! Impressive 
Thanks CP2. Incidentally, who is Couchpotato1 ?!
I have yet been asked before and I don’t know! I tried for couch potato but that was taken and I think I then went to number seven and then 2. I just prefer to be number two and there is a slight play on words with 2 meaning as well...
Like it - very creative !
Great job on that run... hopefully the running will help combat that depression... but having known you a while I don’t think there’s anything that will actually stop you! Enjoy the next one.
Thanks UNM. I did break a leg once and that definitely slowed me down, but I don’t think it actually stopped me ! I can actually sense graduation lurking somewhere just beyond the horizon 😄
Yeah... it’s just over there 👉
I thought it was up there👆?
I was thinking about 30 degrees further west . . . 😄
Oh... yeah... think you’re west from here... mane only a few degrees though?!
Uphill?
North
Silly me... very much so I think.
We are silly
Hey, stop worrying ! I’ll know it when I see it 😁
And even if I don’t, Sanjeev will point it out 😀
I know where you're coming from, I'm prone to mild depression diagnosed some years ago, and does try and stop me doing stuff, especially this time of year, I'm feeling it now, have tried a light box in years gone by but haven't noticed any benefits with that, tablets just dull everything don't they, however, when I get out for a run (which is less than I'd like at the moment) I feel much better, so have to keep doing it, keep pushing on through!😉
Good for you, Davelinks ! I didn’t find light made any difference either, but since Spring is usually my worst time, that figures. I believe people prone to Autumn depression often do find a light box helps. But running seems to work for everyone ! All the best for the next one x
Big well done for making yourself go out. Running always makes me feel good after, even a bad run. My granddaughter says when I wake her up after a run ‘you’ve been for a run, you’re not as grumpy’ 😂🤣😂
Not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult 😄
It’s a backhanded compliment isn’t it 😂😂....but then I know I’m not a morning person. From about the age of 12 I got myself up got my breakfast and my mum used to come down just to say bye as I went out the door!!
Ah - it’s in the genes then. Your mum clearly wasn’t into mornings either 😄
No it’s me, she’s fine in morning (but I’m adopted) I used to be sooo moody. It was easier than having an argument with her!!
Sound strategy 😄 I hadn’t realised about the adoption. I have an adopted cousin who is so like my mum it’s astonishing. Funny how these things can go !
I feel very low at this time of year and the fresh air and just getting out the house is great. Keep running x
And you ! Getting out and getting active is definitely the best strategy, whenever possible.
Stick with it, lady.
That dog won't get the better of you.
Nothing like taking your dog out for a run, is there ?! Five more to go 😀
Well done you on getting out Been there with The Black Dog.... thankfully I have mine 99% on a leash now after 25 years of it taking me for a walk in the dark forest of despair. I hope you pop him back in the kennel sooner rather than later. Keeping busy and getting outside really helps. Take care 🤗
Thanks Tonkabella. There’s a lot of black dogs about !
Too flipping many all causing a lot of hurt and sadness 😢
I’m sorry things are tough... but let’s face it, you are tougher! So glad you got out and that you have the upper hand. Only 5 runs to graduation: it’s in touching distance! I think you need a goal to keep you going after week 9: I knew I needed something to keep me in the routine of regular running once there is no more little yellow ticks to get. You might not want to think that far ahead yet, but have you thought about what’s next? Hurry up daffodils x
There’s a local hill climb race in summer: it’s almost 10k. I don’t think I’ll be up to it this year but I’m aiming to build up to run the course, just for my own satisfaction. I think you’re right - always easier to keep going with a target. How are things going for you just now ?
Good, thanks. Still pottering doing 30 min shuffles, occasionally longer. I have a 5mile race booked in April so I’m going to have to start increasing my distance. Keep well xx
That’s a great target ! Definitely time for a training plan. All the best with it x
I remember you mentioning the 10k hill race which sounded really scary, but it’s a goal! It will be amazing to do it and the sense of achievement will be incredible: whenever you are able to do it. I have gone for flat events!! For me, the C25k programme was giving the push week after week to keep going out so I was really concerned about losing that push! I remember getting to about week 8 and thinking ‘how will I keep going out without it?’, hence the plan. I’m not always the best at sticking to things! My run the year challenge is keeping the weekly motivation up. Hoping these next couple of weeks go well for you x
That’s great - I’m glad you’re managing to keep going. It seems a shame when people graduate and then give up: always encouraging to see someone setting new targets and carrying on enjoying their running. Oldfloss was talking to me about virtual events, which would be much easier with all my commitments than concrete races and Parkruns. I’m definitely going to look into those, but I’m focusing on graduation first 😄
Buttercupkid, I'd logged on to write a similar post when I got notification of yours. Thank you for sharing it, and on a day like today it helped me.
I visited my doc this morning, feeling like my tablets aren't helping me as much, but it could be because I'm prone to missing a few and that sets me back. It's been a day of tears but I'm getting back on track. So at 4.30, I went out for a run, only a 2.5k but it helped.
So again, thanks for sharing, on a day I needed it, you helped 😘
Ps. 5 more to go, you're doing brilliant!!
So proud of you for getting out there, and for getting to the doctor too. I know only too well that sometimes just getting out of bed feels like an Olympic sport ! It’s great to be on this forum: we really are all in this together x
It really is a great forum! I don't really post now (read often, and still shy lol) but when I did everyone was and still are very supportive
I don’t think I’d ever have got this far without everyone here 😀
BCK you amaze me in every post in the best way ever. Your strength, determination, positivity and simply fabulous skill of juggling and holding onto everything life has given you simply shines through. Even when it seems a little dark in the world. I just hope you can see what we see and when you look in that mirror you stand on top of your dog to see your reflection and smile. I saw a post which said ‘ sometimes strength is not always a big flame for everyone to see but a tiny spark which just whispers softly , you got this. Keep going ‘. And so you will too. Take care and here’s a little spark just in case you ever need it for back up days. ⚡️. You could always try and throw it at your dog too 😊
Thanks Wimborne - you’re too kind ! I’m not afraid of my black dog at all - like I said to someone else, he’s more like a whipped pup than a threat. I’m hoping taking him running will help us be friends ! I’ll look after that spark of yours - bound to come in handy some time soon x
Rooting for you - I am like you - my daughter's birthday is March 3rd and I always feel that when that date comes round, Spring will be here and I can look forward to summer. Running has helped. I make myself notice things - birds mostly, but anything.....and then I know that I wouldn't have noticed it if I had stayed inside!
Thanks Magee. It’s the kind of condition where you have to rely on little things, like the birds and flowers, to help you along from one minute to the next. I know it’s just a tunnel with a bend in it: I can’t see the light at the end just now but that doesn’t mean it’s far away x
well it is sunny here and I have just bought some running gear from Sainsbury's for when I am a runner! At the moment I am still doing loads of walking! W6R3 is next though!
6:3 is a great challenge - you’ll feel brilliant afterwards !
I have just seen this post from a few years back....
What was the course you did?
flossieflyblow
flossieflyblowGraduatein reply to suel18
4 years ago
It was an online course called HOPE (stands for Helping Overcome Problems Effectively) and was run by Coventry University. I came across it via Macmillan. They have a headline explaining that it's 'Positive Psychology in Action'. They aim to provide you with tools to help you cope, some of which you may already be familiar with and some not. They do face to face courses but there are none where I live. I think they are available to help people with a history of depression. Try this link: hopeprogramme.coventry.ac.u...
Have you tried Professor Mark Williams book and CD on Mindfulness? Now at all wacky and he has a such a pleasant voice and outlook. All the best!
Hope that helps
Haven’t heard of either of those - I’ll look into them. Thanks !
I know you posted this a while ago but I really wanted to let you know how much I admire your courage in posting about your depression on here. Despite how common depression is, it’s still something that many people find so difficult to talk about.
It also makes me even more grateful for your kind words of encouragement on my post after my very first C25K run, when you said how long it took you to complete the first week.
I’m so glad that running is helping you to cope. You are clearly a fighter. You inspire me. Thank you 😊
Aw, thanks ! Honesty is underrated, I always think. The truth is never as bad as the fear. How’s your journey going ? Well I hope ! 😀
Really well, thanks. I’ve got W5R3 coming up tomorrow, so fingers crossed! 🤞
Magic ! The moment when Sanjeev said I’d done that run and could slow down was my best moment in the whole programme. Take a hanky - you may get emotional 😭Slow and steady, and if it hurts, slow down again. So excited for you - I’ll be right here cheering you on x
Hello Twin 💙
I need to come and take that black dog of your's on a one way trip to the vet 😉
Much respect 🎩👒 to you x
Doing much better now ! How’s it going for you ?
I am fine at the moment thanks. My version of your dog sits by the bed waiting for me to wake up and then just drags me down to the deepest depths before I know what's what. It hurts so much and if I can't shake it off I am not a nice person to be with so I try to keep a low profile. It's that or go round wearing a t-shirt saying
Danger: I am having a bad day and may explode without warning 👹
Not been out for a week due to stuff getting in the way but WILL be out in the morning 😉
Just entered Yorks Coast 10k in Sept so I have something to aim for.
So glad I started this journey.
Take care 👩👩
I want that t shirt too 😄 Great to have a target to aim for, and at least it should be a bit cooler in September ! I’ve hardly been out in May, thanks to family matters and a lousy dose of flu: hoping to get right back out there now ! Keep us posted on your training, twin x
You too 😉 x
Keep running BK!! You’ll lose your black dog in the undergrowth in time. Keep focused, do what works for you, just keep going x
I’ve decided I must be a Creeping Buttercup - I drop out of sight for a bit and then pop back up again somewhere else 😄
As long as you keep popping back👍🏻
Hey, glad I spotted you there popping up in the grasses. Have missed your posts. Hope the flu is now gone - very unfair, flu in the Spring!
I know ! Nobody believes you ! 😂
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