I think life’s getting the better of me right now. I’ve got no energy, no motivation, no concentration and apparently no stamina.
I’ve got various stresses and anxieties going on that I won’t bore you with again but as a result I’m completely run down and generally just feeling weak and vulnerable.
I struggled with Monday’s run and I struggled even more with today’s. This one was the two 10-minute blocks and I’ve already done a harder run than that so I know I *can* do it but today it pretty much finished me off.
I did not feel up to it and within the first minute of running I was starting to have difficulties. My legs were heavy, my chest was tight and I just wanted to stop.
But I powered on somehow, I think driven purely by my refusal to fail at this. It was a very long 10 minutes, I hated every second and I have no idea how I finished it. The walk was of course way too short and I felt like screaming when it ended.
But I ran anyway, because I had to and I wasn’t going to let myself not run. The food news is the second block was a little easier, only very slightly, but I noticed it and I was grateful. Of course, when I found out I still had 5 minutes to go I wanted to break down and scream again, but I internalised it and kept running, very very slowly.
Eventually it ended and I did the walk and I didn’t feel like I’d achieved anything. I didn’t get the post-run high I immediately get. I didn’t feel like doing it anytime soon. I just felt like I’d barely survived and I wanted to go home.
So I don’t know what to do about Friday. I don’t know how I’m going to manage a full 25 minutes without breaks. With all that’s going on I really don’t feel like I have it in me.
What do I do? Attempt it and fail and feel bad about it? I’m wondering if I should go back a little and repeat week 5 to get my stamina back up. I definitely don’t want to stop running and I’m happy to drag these 9 weeks out as much as I need to.
What do you think?