So today I literally ran from my problems using my fear of confrontation with anyone vaguely threatening as motivation. I wouldn’t recommend it. Maybe try a sports drink first.
I think I’ve mentioned before that I’ve had issues with social and health anxiety. For the most part it’s not been much of a problem, apart from the odd phase where my health anxiety peaks and I know for a fact that I am definitely having a heart attack or maybe a stroke, whichever one causes this particular symptom I’m psychosomatically having.
I’m mostly on top of it thanks to some good old counselling, apart from when I inhale a fly but what kind of idiot would do that? Hang on...
I’ve also come a long way socially but I still have my moments, especially with strangers who I irrationally think are judging me. Especially young strangers who hang out on steps and seem to ha e pushed a stolen supermarket trolley down them. Well, someone did.
On this occasion I was coming to the end of my run, which somehow I had timed perfectly to finish at the bottom of the steps leading out of the park. But to my horror, as I approached these steps, what should I see but two YOUTHS sat on the steps?
The normal, grown up, sensible thing to do would be to just ignore them and walk on by. But that’s not how I roll, no! So determined was I to avoid this minor confrontation with two people who were almost certainly going to leave me alone, if they even acknowledged me at all, that I took a left turn and continued to run along the path.
I continued to run along the path for a whole extra minute before I finally gave in to the right chest pain, which fortunately was down to running rather than a panic attack.
I know, I know, it was stupid and unnecessary but despite the bad reason for continuing the run, that was only the cause of maybe 10 seconds. The rest of it was all me wondering just how far I could go.
So a good thing came out of a bad thing. I kept running and I didn’t want to stop, because I was able to keep running and I wanted to make the most of it, even if it went against the carefully structured run that was planned out for me. Maybe I was stupid and overdid it but it felt good until it didn’t, at which point I stopped, but I recovered from it very quickly during my cool down walk.
Is there a lesson here? I don’t know. I need to stop with these stupid anxious impulses, that’s for sure, but I don’t regret the extra minute. It makes me feel really good to be able to push myself like that, as well as optimistic for the longer runs ahead.
But there’s a downside to that social awkwardness, if you can believe such a thing. As my extra minute had taken me back around the path I had to follow it round, which was fine because I needed the walk, but in the way back to the steps I decided to take a shortcut, which I now know has stopped being a shortcut at some point since the last time I went that way five years ago. Well, how was I to know they’d fenced that area off? You learn something new every day.
As always I’ve overwritten this and I’ve hardly talked about the run itself. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t my best. Today hasn’t been great, partly because of a very unproductive day at work (ugh the less said the better), partly because of baby brain making me more emotional than usual and and partly from just generally feeling a bit run down, physically and mentally.
As a result, I started with no energy and no motivation, apart from just wanting to do it and a hope that it would improve my mood. It did! A little. I went from frowny face at the start to indifferent face at the end, which technically is an improvement.
I struggled. I was already tired after the first 3-minute run so I knew this wouldn’t be an easy one. But I’m happy to report that I stuck with it. I’m determined here and I’m not going to let a little thing like my brain get in the way!
The first 5-minute run actually went ok and was probably the best part. I was tired enough to feel it but not so tired that it was a problem. After that, the walks in between were much-needed and way too short but I didn’t extend them, I just ran with it and got through it.
The park was nice and quiet, just me and a few people walking their dogs. The last 5-minute run was the hardest, which is why that extra minute meant so much to me because at 4 minutes I was really struggling. My chest was tight, my throat was tight to the point that I almost felt like I was choking. But Jo Whiley was nice enough to give me that 1-minute warning before the end so I powered on through.
Then, as you all know, I did a bit more.
Overall I feel good about it but it’s only made me feel a little better. Today’s been a bit of a grind and I hope this doesn’t keep happening on running days, otherwise I really will struggle later on.
But I did it, I did more than I needed to and it felt ok so I will remain cautiously optimistic as we leave summer behind.
Once again, sorry for the overly long post. I think I’ve outdone myself on here as well.
i was very confused as to why your rib was anxious and not the rest of you
Have I been doing it all wrong?
Can I do it? I have completed week 8 and just feel like giving up 😩
Right where do I get my badge :-D
Can't help comparing myself, what can I do?
Luckily what I do I do it for myself !
