4th post grad run ... you might want to grab yourselves a cup of tea and a plate of bickies ... 🙄
I really wasn't feeling up for a run yesterday, but my body doesn't like 'reigniting' after more than 2 rest days - so I had to run or suffer the consequences 😏
Procrastination meant I didn't get out the door until after 6pm - and geez it was cold enough to freeze the crispy niblets off the Jolly Green Giant...!!! 😨
My husband had asked if I was taking my usual route ... I wasn't, I thought I'd shake it up a bit. When I told him where I was going he said "You'll never do that - that's way too far and, if you conk out, you'll be stuck at the furthest end of town"..!! ... Now i'm not sure if he knows how red that flag was he waved to this bull but, whilst he was telling me that he'd keep his phone on him so I could call him to be ‘rescued’, my mind was thinking 'there is NO WAY I'm going to give you the satisfaction of rescuing me'..!! After all these years, he still clearly underestimates what he's married to 😂
I started my (prolonged) 10 minute warm up walk ... I could feel the cold biting at my arms and, whilst I prayed for a quick hot flush to warm me up, my brain was yelling "You really don't want to do this. Turn round, go back home. You have a bag of Twirl bites in the fridge"..!! Ooh it was tough, but I carried on 😩
At the main road I stopped at the zebra crossing as 3 cars were approaching from my left. The first car stopped. I stepped onto the crossing to the sound of a hooter and screaming brakes. The car who had stopped for me lurched forward to avoid the car behind from running into the back of him...!!! I was very glad I hadn't crossed further or I'd have been a bonnet ornament 😱
I offered some very unladylike hand gestures suggesting that the driver of the second vehicle should use his f👀king eyes, before getting safely to the opposite pavement. THEN the baseball capped, chavvy idiot (no disrespect intended to baseball cap wearers, chavs or idiots per se) drove past hooting at me and yelling obscenities. The time had come to bring to his attention that he was an 'F', a 'W', a 'C', a 'B' and several combinations of the aforementioned...!!! 🤬🤬... and, as I was bellowing these profanities up the road to his disappearing exhaust fumes, it was brought to my attention that it was meeting night for the Jehovah's Witnesses and several of them watched on, open mouthed, as I sheepishly hurried past the church 🤦🏻♀️🙊
Onward... making sure I kept my wits about me in case baseball cap wearing chavvy idiot wanted to continue the altercation further up the road. I really wished I'd had a fork with me.... *as it's illegal to carry a knife, my daughter (in her handbag) carries a fork for protection - she claims it's not illegal to be prepared to eat a spontaneous Pot Noodle (although I believe it should be)..!!* 😮
As I rounded the corner, two women were walking towards me, chatting away. The path is only two person width, so I tucked in to the side to cause least disruption. They kept on walking towards me, chatting, side by side... nearer... nearer... nearer... surely one of them was going to move..?? ... surely..?? ...aside from diving through a garden hedge, I had nowhere to go..!! ... and at that very last split second ... they didn't move and one of them walked right into me...!!! 😠 WTF..?? Really..?? 🤨 Had everyone left their eyes at home..?? **Made mental note to wear flashing police cone on head on next run and shout bee baa, bee baa as I run along the street**
Only 7 minutes in and it had already gone extraordinarily t*ts up..!! This didn't bode well 🙄
Eventually my stalwart buddy, Sarah, gave me the signal to run ... so, as always, I ran.
Within 200 yards of my new route I ran out of path and found myself running across driveways and gardens..!! 🙈 I crossed the road in order to find a pavement and p*ssed off a cyclist who was dressed in black, no lights, riding along the path..!! I waved him past but, instead, he made a huge drama of cycling round me, into the road and back on the path in front of me... tw*t..!! 🖕🏻
My happiness at finding a path was short lived... 50 yards on and I found a row of 8 cars parked on it, and I mean on ALL of it..!! Road one side, big grassy hillock the other. I headed over the grass and down the hill, hoping to find another footway. I did, but it was so dark that it would have been impossible to run on it. I headed out to the road again. It was the perimeter road of the estate that I wanted to run round, so I stuck to it - s*d the pavement..!!
A taxi driver, parked on the side of the road, watched me approaching from behind and then pulled out on me...!!! “B*st*rd - 🤬 just you wait until I'm wearing my police cone”..!!
I don't know how I maintained energy or pace (I certainly didn’t maintain my good temper) whilst fighting off all those bloody gremlins, but my spirits were truly lifted by a lovely man who saw me running down the road and shouted "Wow, you're brave"..!! I replied "Thank you, but I think it's stupidity, not bravery"..!! He responded but, as I sped off like a gazelle, I didn't hear what he said. 🙉 *When I relayed this part of the story to my husband, he laughed and pointed out that likening myself to a gazelle was extremely over ambitious and that I had, in fact, not yet got beyond the pachyderm stage..!! 😲 **Made mental note to phone solicitor first thing Monday morning** *
I felt good, my pace felt good and I was halfway through 👍🏻
I was facing an uphill stretch so decided to dodge across a main road as it was flatter on the other side. When I got to the opposite side... the path ceased to be..!! 😮 What was it with bloody paths...??!!?? 😳 My only option was to head through another housing estate but, being severely geographically challenged, I didn’t know where the f**k I was..?? ☹️
I stood, gently jogging on the spot like an idiot, whilst I fumbled for my phone so I could consult Google Maps. Now that is all well and good - I can just about find the icons with guesswork, and I know my 'qwerty' so I managed to put my postcode in ... then I had no idea where the 'walkie' man was ... it's all a bloody blur without my glasses..!! 😣 I'm in the dark, lost, jogging on the spot in the freezing cold, holding my phone at arms length and audibly cursing the fact that I'm so s*dding myopic..!! 🤓 I don't take my glasses when I run, I have no room to put them anywhere. **Made mental note to ask daughter's optometrist boyfriend to get me a monocle** 🧐
I ran along ‘Somethingoranother’ Drive, figuring that it would come out somewhere familiar sooner or later.
After 10 minutes of treading new ground, I found myself on the edge of the town centre and my 30 minutes were up 🤗
But I felt incredible... so I carried on running into town, across to the church and then back home... I ran past my house... and round the block 🏃♀️🏃♀️
It was the most Gremlin infested run I’ve had, but I smashed 44.32 minutes of run time and 10+ minutes of walking.
I started my running journey on 3rd September, having NEVER moved faster on my own 2 feet than walking pace. Those first runs left me half dead 😫 ... 12 weeks later, I’ve just slothed my way through a 45 (ish) minute run..!!
Keep the faith lovelies, miracles do bloody happen...!!!
Happy running one and all 🤗 xx
Gremlins in my phone.
W5 R3 - gremlins vanquished!
Laura was with me, no gremlins
Tips for bashing gremlins, anyone?
THE GREMLINS IN MY HEAD TONIGHT!
