Letting a friend down Week 6 Run 1: This was to... - Couch to 5K

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Letting a friend down Week 6 Run 1

Jancanrun profile image

This was to be my usual jokey post, as Mr JCR and I both ended up wearing similar clothes to exercise in - him on his bike me on my trainers. A pic was taken and with all my new found tech support help from yesterday, you may have seen a non sideways photo.

However, it's been a mad, bad and sad week. Socialising way too hard, culminating in our Dutch friends coming to stay. She is the super fit runner with great advice about feet being your body's foundation. He was super fit a speed skater, cyclist, runner and swimmer extraordinaire. They are selling their home here because they have to fight one hell of a gremlin. He has ALS, it isterminal and every day it robs him of his physical capabilities. They have to sell the dream home they built themselves, because they need the money to help get his health care. It's been a rollercoaster week, not least because their estate agent nearly scuppered the sale. Anyway eventually the house sale went through, we helped them clear their home and they stayed a couple of days with us before going home. Today was the day I wanted to honour them, I can run, he can no longer and I failed. I couldn't do it, yes it was hot, I left it late to go out, yes slightly hungover. All of those excuses and more.

I am so angry right now. It in principle is easier than W5 R3 and I flaked. I have a friend with ALS - he can't run but would love to and I can but didnt. Mr Smooth no help today at all.

Where do I go from here?

52 Replies

Where do you go you read Irish Johns post about his friend who also can no longer run due to a health issue and you go out and you run for your friend and for yourself . It may feel harsh but yesterday while at work I was taking to a colleague about how I rejoice in the fact I have my health but you never know what is round the corner. Chin up and run for your friend.

Thanks - after a rest it seems so self indulgent, but I was so angry with myself. I really wanted to do it because my friend is so damn positive and I still feel sh...

But chin up, and I will do it next time

MichaelH070862 profile image
MichaelH070862Graduate in reply to Jancanrun

Yes you will.Anger is good provided it is channelled in the right way and try and draw some of your friends positivity and Monday go out and go for it I will be out Monday as well early after a week on the rowing machine after a small muscle twinge so I will think of you when I run good vibes to you.

Good vibes on their way back already thanks

First off take this hug {}

Second off be kind to yourself. The circumstances have taken more of a toll on you than you realise. You want to do this because your friend can't but you still also need to do this for you - and sometimes it just doesn't happen as we would wish.

Third off (is that a thing?) you picked a b**ch of a week. Wk6r1 is notoriously difficult. You've seen the posts.

Please do be kind to yourself. I know it's not easy but sometimes starting with ourselves is the best way to help others.

As to where do you go from here - you brush yourself off and carry on - we can't do much but we are here for you.

And as MichaelH070862 says Irish John has words of wisdom in his post.

Reluctance2wayoflife profile image
Reluctance2wayoflifeGraduate in reply to AnnieW55

Here here, well said AnnieW55


Sorry technology still beyond me..... somehow submitted to soon!

What I wanted to say is that you have given me and others so much on this site so don't be hard on yourself. Maybe you didn't do it this time bit you will next time. Use some of that compassion you are so generous with for others on yourself and give yourself some slack.

I'm sending you virtual cwtches Jancanrun

I couldn't have said it better myself. Jancanrun take notice of Reluctance2wayoflife and look after yourself too. Sending virtual hugs all the way to Italy 😘😘

Thanks Runningraspberrydiva . I do feel better now, just get really miffed when things don't go to plan. So Monday is Week 6 Run 1, rewind...

Thanks I feel slightly less angry with myself now. Sometimes I guess you can choose to run on a bad day. With hindsight this was probably a bad day at the office.. thanks for the gee up

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to AnnieW55

Thanks for the hug it's more comforting than the kicking I was giving myself. On upwards and out and a quick look at Irish-John for the pick me up post, I think.

Thanks again

Nibor5 profile image

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Try not to feel like you let him down, W6R1 is hard for some reason and hot n hungover probably didn't help. Put this out of your mind, take a day to rest, then you can smash W6 for him.

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to Nibor5

Yes I am being self indulgent I can and he can't so therefore, big day of rest and Monday morning has his name on it. Thanks a lot for the support

Mummycav profile image

A..don't feel like that...like you said, you've had a heavy week so not the best for running....Im sure your friend doesn't feel let down....have a rest for a coupla days then you'll be back to your fabulous running self & you'll crack it!!!

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to Mummycav

Thanks - enough sulking I think... looking forward to Mondays run now

So sorry to hear but, as others have said, you must be kind to yourself- good grief, you are on week six, that's a terrific achievement. Tomorrow, or the day after, is another day. And there is no way you have let anyone down. Take care.

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to

Thanks Ellie, normal service to be resumed Monday. Good luck with yours.

You go out in a day or two and try again😊..

Sorry to hear about your friends health problems, I imagine this is weighing more heavily on you than you think...

Hug ()

Last run you did 20 mins (the hill that kills twice! ) and if you were tired and a bit dehydrated it was always going to be a slog..

Put it behind you, you ran for a little bit? but you were not attacking it in your normal frame of mind.. so it was a practise run and the next one will be fine.

Looking forward to a nice photo (not posted sideways) of you after completing W6R1...hopefully a nice shade of pink. Don't beat youself up. x

Okay Dulux colour chart at the ready... thanks for the reminder about practice runs!

So sorry to hear your news. That's tough.

Week 6 gets a lot of people anyway never mind people who have had a week like yours. You haven't let anyone down.

People are right to recommend Irish John's post about his friend. When you are ready, go out and run because you can.

Meanwhile all our thoughts are with you.

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to

Okay so Irish John is now my go to place, to bring back perspective. Thanks for the help

rolysmate profile image

You must shake yourself down, rejoice in your ability and get back out there and run for your friend

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to rolysmate

That is Monday's job now. Normal sarky person back next week....

Sandraj39 profile image

So sorry to read about your friend - that is so hard for you all. I totally understand you wanting to nail this run for him but as others have said, emotional upset affects us in unpredictable ways. Also, W6 R1 was the hardest run of the programme for me (still remember it two years later!) something about the return to intervals after 20 mins solid running, really messed with my head! Take your rest days and go out and do it again, without the pressure of a 'perfect' run. Just run. Good luck and take care.

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to Sandraj39

Thanks so much and also making me think about this run. Maybe I looked at it and thought it was easy, because it seemed more like the Week 5 earlier runs. Hey ho, am nearly back to old self. Monday will come and I will hit it hard

You've had a hard week Jancanrun, but as your name says, you CAN run. You have already proved it. It's been a hard upsetting week for you, but that will only serve to make you more determined. Like others say, have a rest and go again. When I meet you for that glass of red we will both be graduates and proper runners to boot :)

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to bareliz

You're on for the glass of red. It's done, I need to get my head back on. And so I will if you can forgive me after me calling your run stinking..., then I can forgive myself the practice run...

bareliz profile image
bareliz in reply to Jancanrun

Well how can I forgive you making me laugh? You know this programme is just as much (if not more) a mental challenge as a physical one. It's what's helped get my weary old body this far,telling myself I will do it. Your mind has been on more important things this last week so you had a blip. When you're ready go again - I'm not drinking that red on my own :) .

LiisaM profile image

If you are healthy and happy, you will be better with your friend. Plan a time and place to go out and run so you WILL be healthy and happy. Then enjoy the time you have with your friend. If your friend can still walk, or even just be outside, he may enjoy getting out, as well, so it would be good for both of you although you are on different paths in life. Go for it!

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to LiisaM

Thanks generally happy and almost healthy. You're right of course, so back to the plan on Monday...

Maddee_6333 profile image

Be kind to yourself - I know others have said this, but it bears repeating. Take him with you on other runs, you have plenty left.

Maybe do a fundraising 5k after you've graduated?

That's a good idea, turn a crap run into a worthwhile one. Thanks for the idea.

Maddee_6333 profile image
Maddee_6333Graduate in reply to Jancanrun

I don't know if there's organised runs for ALS, but there might be?

That's definitely worth checking out and I will

Nobbywatts profile image

Much to be taken from this lovely, supportive thread Jancanrun and you obviously care deeply for your friend. You mustn't beat yourself up about stuff like not completing a run because your heart is in the right place and that's what really matters. You'll get there. I say it often on here, but YOU GO, GIRL! X

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to Nobbywatts

Thanks a day of rest later and loads of help and hugs means tomorrows run will be fine. I am sure of it.

RebeccaSK profile image

Oh Jancanrun you have been on this bloody amazing forum long enough to know that you didn't fail, you had a practice run! To have failed would to have sat around, feeling (justifiably) sad with a glass of wine. You didn't do that - you went out for a run. Do you think your friend never had bad runs? Of course he did. The greatest way to honour him is not to let this get you down but to brush off those stinky running shoes (it's not just me, right? Everyone's trainers stink don't they?) and get right back on it.

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to RebeccaSK

You're right of course, I was just so shocked and I'd set myself a target of doing each run in turn and completing them. We had said our goodbyes at 5am and I really thought it would be fine. So Monday is the re-run and I am feeling better about it already. Thanks for your support, I like your posts because they show life after the couch.

Stinky running shoes - yup so got them too. Cycling mad husband shared a tip from his Italian cycling mates, they 'febreze' their cycling shoes from new and it works, so they tell me. No point in me trying now though as the pong is well established! For moderators other anti-pong sprays are available..

RebeccaSK profile image
RebeccaSKGraduate in reply to Jancanrun

I think the runs we put the most expectation on ourselves, the ones that mean the most to us, are probably the worst. My first two runs of W9 turned into practice runs and I walked home, after both, almost in tears. However, there were other runs where I was convinced I'd never do it and I did - and there were tears then too! Running is a rollercoaster. Your emotions were heightened already. I can't leave this forum. It was the people on here who got me through it. When I was questioning myself they encouraged me. When I was happy they shared it. I asked myself whether it was right to stay on here but I justify it because I still face the same running struggles that everyone on here does. I still can't always run for 30 minutes - but then last week I ran for 41. I think I thought that once I'd graduated I'd be well away but the reality is far from that. I know that if I can do this, so can everyone else and I want to remind you all of that! You will do this Jan, but give yourself a bit of a break - emotions and our mental gremlins are a huge part of this running journey and they take their toll too xx

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to RebeccaSK

Thanks, I can and will put it all back together. And you are so right, this forum makes me run. Previous attempts to run or get fit have failed, but here there's a compulsion - a totally nice one I have to say, to keep at it. It's the club feeling in the truest sense, with all of the friendship but none of the competition, which has always put me off. I've never desired to be the fastest, tallest, strongest etc.. and here you don't need to be. It's glorious and I'm sorry I didn't discover it sooner, as its transformational. That sounds so corny, but you I think know exactly what I mean. Hugs back to you...

Hope you're feeling a bit better this morning? Sorry to hear about your friend. I wanted to say that if I'm flagging at the end of a run, I think of my mum running with me - usually giggling & making funny comments about passers by (she died in January) & it spurs me on. I'm also running 100k May -Oct for Alzheimer's research which keeps me motivated & doing something positive. Maybe you can do something similar when the time is right to honour your friend? In the meantime, keep smiling & running. Tanti abbracci!

Oh my this forum is so full of nice people who are so supportive. And exactly how many know Italian too? Thanks it's a new hot sunny day. And tomorrow I go again. And yes I think post graduation I will look for something to do for ALS, it's a positive way of turning a rubbish run into a good one! Thanks so much.

RebeccaSK profile image
RebeccaSKGraduate in reply to Jancanrun

The very reason I found Couch to 5k is my desire to do more for a cause I believe in. On 3rd September I'm taking part in a novice triathlon. I will undoubtedly come last but I will have raised some money. I had resigned myself to walking the running bit - now I have a chance of running it!

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to RebeccaSK

Wow triathlon I can't even swim. You've really upped the ante. Go girl that's just amazing and you have to post here about it. 👟🎓👑

Non c'è di che! Italian is my 3rd foreign language so I do tend to make up quite a bit - so many rules but as long as I can order coffee & wine!! Good luck for the next run & enjoy the sunshine cos it's cool & wet here - feels like early autumn.

snack_shack profile image

Oh Jan, I've only just seen this post but pleased to see that your mindset has changed somewhat since your original post.

I hope tomorrow's run allows you to burn off any frustrations you still have about not running for your friend yesterday. It is still honouring them, even if it is not quite when or how you planned it. I have the view that it really is the thought that counts and in simple terms, I find it much nicer if someone sends me a belated birthday card than not one at all. Does that make sense?

Let us know how you get on tomorrow - good or bad - and I think you should post a sideways pic anyway just for the fun :)

Thanks for these kind thoughts and I love the birthday card analogy that makes a whole lot of sense to me. Sideways pic coming up...

Vonnie63 profile image

Don't be hard on yourself. You are still digesting all this and you had a hard week. You give so much of yourself to others always encouraging, congratulating and just be there. Rest, relax and take time to breathe and when you next run do it for yourself and your friend. We are all here for you xx

Jancanrun profile image
Jancanrun in reply to Vonnie63

Thank you as I say it's almost impossible to run without checking in and now on resting I find that too. I will go tomorrow with renewed vigour being cheered on by an invisible army. Thanks so much it means a lot

Feelingfab profile image
Feelingfab in reply to Jancanrun

Hi Jancanrun

Life can be very cruel at times. Exercising needs mental focus as well as physical activity...if your brain is falling behind because you are not well-rested, your ability to properly challenge your body will be limited. So don't give yourself a hard time. Sounds like you've had a tough week helping your friends and I'm sure putting a brave face on. Keep us posted but take the pressure off. You'll find your running spark again soon

Well ff it got done and I am sitting in an airport wearing my trainers ready for London runs this week. Spark back to normal I hope....

Feelingfab profile image
Feelingfab in reply to Jancanrun

Good to hear! I'm just back from London ... loads of lovely parks to run in ... although the wine can be a little expensive £12 a glass eek🍷😂

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