Overweight 50 something completed W1R2

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has replied to my posts. It has been really encouraging, even if just to keep going with the posts!

It's only been four days and already I find myself becoming fluent in "number plate". Although I'm not sure I prefer WK1 or W1 so I'll try both. Either way I think this run sounds more like a companion robot from Star Wars.

So last night saw myself, my wife, my eldest daughter all in our "Bargain of the week" running shoes set off to our running venue complete with eager pooch. Someone suggested that I carry him around in case he gets tired of running. I think it only pertinent to point out that he is a sixteen month old Working Cocker and the chances of him getting tired before me are non existent. Besides, what more fun could there be for a dog, than having a laugh at us humans trying to run effectively on two feet (it's so more efficient with four).

Whilst I try to emulate my dog's enthusiasm for being outside and running around, I'm afraid it only amounts to having my tongue hang out of my mouth from exertion. I for one don't think it would be socially acceptable to stop and have a pee every five seconds and go around sniffing other runners bottoms (tempting though it may be......the peeing that is, not the other one you understand)

Last night however, the dog caused a few issues. Bearing in mind that this was the first night for our daughter, my wife and I were out to create that fun atmosphere to try and make sure she stayed with the programme. So with Laura loaded up, the five minute brisk walk began. And promptly stopped again after about 30 Seconds when said pooch decided it was bowel evacuation time.

"Oh for God's sake" said the wife, rapidly trying to reset Laura and fish a pooh bag out of her pocket.

Then it dawned on us that the nearest pooh bin was at the end of the trail. "I'm not carrying this around with me. There's no knowing what will happen to it when I'm jogging!"

I suggested we leave it "hidden" in the grass and we would pick it up on the way back.

Take 2 - And off we go. We get to the point of the trail when the dog can come off his lead and off he goes. This is closely followed by our first run and we duly set off. Well I say set off because my daughter decides that her version of jogging is an all out sprint and blasts off down the path. I'm just about to shout after her when I hear from behind me. "Oh God dog, not again".

I turn to see the dog in bowel evacuation position and my wife running up and down on the spot. "What on earth are you doing", I ask.

"I'm keeping up my momentum", she replies.

I decide not to point out the difficulties of picking up dog pooh whilst you are moving around, but instead look at the dog who is looking up at me with that "Sorry" look on his face.

What is it about dogs when they go for a dump. They can't do it without looking incredibly guilty and half the time they don't even keep still. It's some sort of complicated combined movement of dumping whilst wiping their arse on the grass.

Anyway with "Pooh 2" in the bag (and secretly stashed away for the return trip) we decide to start again as Laura has already been through a 90 second walk and is halfway through run 2. Meanwhile my "Speedy Gonzales" of a daughter returns wanting to know where we had got to. It's at this point that I explain the concept of a "gentle" jog. I think she gets it and we start again.

It's going well know and the new shoes are working a treat, whilst the bags of sugar are still bouncing up and down and the pain is still there, the swearing has been reduced from the former biblical reference to a more sedate "Bloody hell". I am hoping that I can improve this to a more acceptable "AAgghhh" or even a simple "Ouch" at some stage in the future. So well done Captain Chinstrap, you sold me the right pair of shoes (despite the go faster green stripes)

We're well on our way now and the dog has been in and out of several water-logged ditches. This is more to do with the fact that I am totally unable to concentrate on my breathing and shout at him at a the same time. He is taking full advantage of the situation and hits his peak when he discovers a large pond. At least he seems to be enjoying himself.

We run alongside a field of cows who automatically take an interest in the dog. So much so, that they decide to join in and start running along the fence with us. It's really encouraging in a bizarre way to have over 20 cows running alongside you. Maybe it's my inner herding instinct coming through but I suddenly feel quite protected and part of a group. This is brought to an abrupt halt by a hedge and we continue on without them. Well not all of us, my daughter was so taken with them she decides to stop and take a selfie and as I turn round I can see her talking away to them and patting them on the nose.

We pass the turning point and head back, the dog now running alongside us after the incident with the cows, he wasn't so sure about them. Indeed their enthusiasm is obviously spent as we pass them again and they take no interest, although I swear I could see one of them looking upwards with a pout and raised brows.

We approach the gate where we have to put the dog back on the lead, which is not easy in "run" mode. Before us is another spaniel with its owner. This one sat on top of a concrete riding block and not moving at all.

"What a very well behaved little..... At which point it launched off the block to say hello to my dog by promptly pinning it to the floor and humping away like mad.

"Oh Milo stop it you naught boy" says the owner.

So I'm thinking "Milo!....Milo?...What the hell!"

There was a little scuffle as we pulled them apart, well ok we dragged our somewhat confused dog from underneath the oversexed Milo, leaving him to continue humping the floor. Now that 's a dog with hormone issues.

Meanwhile, we finish off the 5 minute cool down and walk rather triumphantly back to the car, having remembered to pick up the poop bags en route.

Thoughts for Friday will be to make sure the dog has been for a dump before we set off and find a pooh bin or some sort of sealed container because the smell in the car was unbearable.

Bye for now

Sam

12 Replies

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  • Wow Sam - such adventures. All these distractions probably make the running easier!

    Love the tags below your post - the whole of life is there!

  • Ha ha ! I need a lie down after reading that :-)

    Well done Sam and all the family xxx

  • Fantastic! Well done you, and the new shoes, and the family and the dog. Look forward to your next post

  • what a great post Sam! you've got me smiling here, i think dog owners like me can DEFINITELY identify with this tale! i last jogged with a poo bag and George jack russell along the seafront, where luckily there are frequent bins, but lead in one hand and bag in the other was interesting, and wafting in my direction!! :X !!! well done to you all on completing your run, keep on posting won't you! :)

  • Excellent post! I have the same problem with the definition of a jog- my fifteen-year- old sprints off into the distance à la Road Runner, whilst I go for a sedate queen mum pace. Certainly sounds like you had enough to keep your mind off the bags of sugar :-D

  • This is why we run Sam.........it makes things happen.

    Keep running, keep smiling.

  • Oh my word, you have definitely got to carry on with this to end just so we can enjoy your posts. Hilarious ! Glad the new shoes were effective. What a family !

  • We haven't had such brilliant posts on this forum since Pugwash departed (where is Pugwash these days?). Keep it up Sam - the posting, never mind the running!!

  • Haha ! Oh yeah , Pugwash, he was a right laugh ! :-) xxx

  • Excellent post. I don't experience the dog demands but this made me laugh. I'm sure this forum could publish a book of running tales. I've not been here long but Miles yonder, Dan, I am not a truffle (sorry Iannodda that's how I think of you) and Rob and Lots of others always have funny and interesting posts and I'd buy the book! Good luck with the running. How about a dog nappy to stop the hold ups?!

  • He he, nice one Sam.

    Sounds like your 8 minutes of running took up most of the evening.

  • Sam that was a fabulous post but, what you need as your next bit of running kit is a Dicky Bag or a Muksak (the latter available from Onyabags - hard plastic and not as snazzy as Dicky but utterly smell proof - think days in the car in warm weather and still no escape... although you need full HazMat kit when opening it in that case) This will stop you ever, ever, ever leaving a bag in the hope you'll remember it later. The woods around me are testament to people's memory difficulties.... You can definitely pick up dog poo whilst running on the spot... although it is a good reason to stick with the 5 minute warm up walk long term as it is often a productive use of your time... I find that it often pays to walk round and round if we're starting in a popular area as other dog owners' foul habits do encourage her to sniff about and perform and then I can usually forget about it, whereas hurrying her on means less predictability. I hate running looking behind me!

    I also run with sausage (occasionally warm, wrapped in foil) or cat food... has improved recall no end.

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