Well I did it. I almost didn't I was feeling frustrated and like I wasn't getting anywhere after being stuck on wk four as I had to rest nearly a week between each run. I was planning on another wk four run this morning but when I got up and talked myself into it I thought sod it I'd move to week five as I had technically run all 3 of week four runs just very spaced out. I am glad I did it was a breeze and if anything the walking intervals were too long (I am sure I will regret that come the next stage). Also a big thing for me is I am only having to tape one knee into place now
But after the big yay of this morning I am now left feeling like a failure as I have had to retreat to bed cause I can't be upright and I can only manage minimal use of my brain. I am finding it hard to reconcile the two halves of me - the disabled sick me and the disabled fighting me. I wonder if I have already reached and past my breaking point.
I am the paradox by this point stamina and general wellness should have increased but I have M.E while yes my stamina in terms of how far I can go has increased I am wondering if my general wellness is actually decreasing will be able to go out again this week to complete another run or will it be another week or two before I am well enough again?
14+ years I have been battling this illness and I am not done yet.