Partners

Having got back into this running game I have tried and spectacularly failed to get my husband to do anything. So far all I have achieved is to get him out for a walk with the dogs. He is 62 has had a coronoary stent some seven years ago and is lucky to still be around. I worry incessantly about him, I don't want him to go out and run a straight 5k I just want him to try. I guess I am going to have to learn to live with this.

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  • I appreciate it is frightening and you must be worried sick about him. He has to want to improve his health for himself though and not because other people want him to. For example, I'm 33. My other half is 48. Although he is as thin as a rake, he smoked and had a very poor diet (no breakfast, a pasty for lunch, and an iced bun for tea). He knew I hated him smoking, and that he needed to improve his diet. Knowing is very different from actually having the will to do something about it though. When we found out I was pregnant, that gave him the shock necessary to want to change - he wants to be around as long as possible now for our daughter AND set her a good example - he can't really tell her off for smoking and not eating properly if he's setting a bad example :-) My point being that as much as we love the people in our lives, we can't bulldoze them in to changing just for us.

    As hard as it probably will be to do, my advice would be that the best example you can give him is by setting him a good example. Once he sees the benefits you are getting and how easy it is to make the programme work for you, then that might encourage him to want to get fit. It's very difficult to change the habits of a lifetime, and he will need gentle encouragement and support once he makes that decision to change. There will be setbacks, as you will have experienced in your own change, but with the benefit of your experience, hopefully you can help guide him through these when they happen. Best of luck to both of you.

  • Thankyou!! Your words are much appreciated.

  • Keep looking on the positive side - he is walking the dogs. All excercise is helpful.

  • I have a similar problem Christine and to be honest have given up on my husband as I feel there is nothing I can do to get him to change his ways. Unless he wants to do it I can't make him. I have tried everything but you get to the point where you realise you're just talking to the wall. I save my breath now as I just sounded like a cracked record. He's a health professional and he well knows the consequences of his actions. I hope you have more luck with your husband Christine. I wish you luck, I really do

  • I will continue to try and set a good example. I have always exercised and for a short while I managed to get him playing badminton and table tennis, but that tailed off. I think you right in saying it is his choice so I will just carry on spinning, running, cycling and leave him with his PC and just hope!

  • Partners are strange beings. They want, and will, do their own thing. As long as you enjoy it that is what is important. You may find that when you start to make new friends through your running, THEN he will take interest!

    And like someone else has said, walking the dog is good.

  • I'm afraid you are! I have a similarly stented but older OH. He refuses to go for any walks because he'd "Rather be in my workshop making something, not wasting time" I see*!!*^!? (expletive deleted!)

    Be happy with him as he is and try not to worry about him. He's been treated and no doubt will be monitored from now on.

    Besides - isn't the running 'ME' time for you?

  • I have the same frustrations. But I know for years there has been a massive gap between what exercise I have done and what I plan to do. I'm lucky I have no health problems and it feels great now to be getting on with this program.

    Mr Slippers has been told he has to change his ways by his doc. He is struggling to make fundamental lifestyle changes after 40 odd years of bad habits but it is hard to change. Maybe your husband is feeling that he is too fragile to take on a new challenge, perhaps he could stretch what he can do to be a little more challenging; longer walk up a hill etc to build his confidence. I hope you can ease up on the worrying it will only eat you up and focus on enjoying your running for you. :-)

  • You have to do what's right for you Christine. He's a free-thinking man and can rationalise about what his lifestyle is doing to his health. If he chooses to ignore then he does so at his peril. You can lead a horse to water and all that but at the end of the day it's his choice. You live your own lifestyle in the healthy way you've chosen, and as someone else has said, you will probably make new friends through your running hobby. I joined a running group! Perhaps that's something you could do.

  • I always find that facing and accepting reality releases me from false hopes. This running and acceptance of the words of this song make me feel very contented.

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