Bums rush off partners/significant others? - Couch to 5K

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Bums rush off partners/significant others?

SuperKat1974
SuperKat1974

Just wondering if anyone else has met with a negative or "passive aggressive" reaction from their other halves since starting the plan? I have to admit, part of my motivation for starting was listening to my partner (a former very dedicated runner) go on for weeks after weeks that he would pick up running again "when the spring comes/when I'm less busy with work/when it stops raining" (we're in Manchester so like that'll ever happen). One day we were looking at the C2K plan and I just stood up and said, "I'm starting it now" and that afternoon I died running the 60 second death runs of Week 1 Run 1!

Now I'm really enjoying being at Week 6 Run 3. I love the time and headspace it gives me from a fairly full on home situation. Yet the reaction I get when I come red faced through the door shouting, "yes! I did 20 minutes!!!" has been akin to me telling me his gerbil has just died..... is this resentment that I'm actually doing what he's talked about doing for so long - and hasn't? Resentment that he has to take care of our son for the 35 mins I'm out the house? Or is it that general sabotage I've read about eg when people go on successful weight loss programs, start feeling better about themselves, other person feels somehow put out? Sorry for waffling; I'd just like someone important to me, to be (or at least try to be!) enthusiastic for me! Thank goodness for all the positive vibes from you guys on here!!!

37 Replies
oldestnewest

This must be difficult for you to manage but glad it is not deterring you from progressing for yourself.

I think that is what it is... you are putting yourself first and possibly not done that before so its all a bit of a shock to the dynamic. I am sure it will settle down and maybe encourage OH to do the same eventually.

I feel like I have a whole secret life that my husband doesn't see, on here, not that I am hiding anything, but it's nice to have your own interests, especially nice to share with such a positive group of people who help, support and encourage unreservedly.

Keep your chin up and don't whack him with your running shoes, will you 🤣😂🤣

Thank you! I agree it's the change in dynamic that has thrown him - Mummy doing something for HERSELF for once!! :)

Roxdog
RoxdogGraduate
in reply to SuperKat1974

Well, you are not his mummy!

Fair play to you for keeping going. Sounds like it's your gain and his loss. Also sounds if it's his problem and not yours. So ensure you keep it that way. Keep up the good work and reap the benefits👍😁

Thank you! And if he keeps on being a Mardy Bum then I'll just keep running in the opposite direction :)

UnfitNoMore
UnfitNoMoreAdministrator

Manchester is mainly famous for its rain 🤣. Without the rain, there would have been no Manchester... I’m just up the road in north Derbyshire where we store water for you just in case you get some sun 🤣🤣🤣

If I was to hazard a guess he’s feeling a little bad for the endless procrastination... he knows how good that run feels... he was missing it already... now he’s seeing that high second hand... I can see that would be a little hard. The dude needs to go run! Once this current situation allows, there’s a group who do parkrun meet-ups every now and then around Manchester, if he’s not running by the time parkrun is on, drag him down to one of those, we shall sort him out!

My wife wasn’t impressed at first (she didn’t think I’d keep it up) and at times she resented it a bit... now I’m two years down the line and on rest days she suffers! It’s not uncommon for her to suddenly say “go run and take the rest day when I’m at work”. I think that’s progress 🤣

Have a chat with him... I don’t think it’s gonna take much to get him lacing his shoes up.

Ah so kind of you to keep some rain in store for us! I agree about the procrastination - talks a good game does this boy but not so hot on the actual following through... I like the sound of the Manchester Meet-ups - you'll have to keep me posted once things are "back to normal-ish"!!

UnfitNoMore
UnfitNoMoreAdministrator
in reply to SuperKat1974

New Zealand parkrun restarts this weekend... hopefully we are not too far away (but not too close) from them announcing a date for the other 22 countries. I’m hoping that there’s a lot of chatter on here once we have our date... it’d be great if the returning parkrunners here could greet the new runners at their first parkrun.

I live pretty near the reservoir system that goes up the woodhead road... one of my running ambitions is to run round them all.

IannodaTruffe
IannodaTruffeAdministrator

You are doing this for you and already seeing the difference it makes to you, so stick with it and you will gain huge benefits that you cannot even imagine at present.

Perhaps it is better not to talk to him about your running.

My wife told me early on in my C25k journey, when she saw how much I was enjoying it, that I would never get her running as she had always hated running.

I said nothing.

Before I completed the plan, she totally changed her mind, having seen the positive physical and mental effects on me and she started C25k with no persuasion from me.

We don't always run together, but it is a wonderful mutual pastime and we really do love to run together occasionally.

Learning to run is a hugely self empowering process, so you need to see it through.

C25k changes lives........

Thank you! I'm determined to keep this up - for ME - as I already feel like I'm reaping the mental and physical benefits of taking that time for myself....... It would be great to have that mutual enjoyment like you and your wife - and maybe get the Wee Boy involved once his legs are a bit longer :)

Oldgirlruns
OldgirlrunsGraduate

You’re not waffling SuperKat . I’m so sorry you’re not getting any support at home- you’ve made a decision to try and get yourself fitter and you deserve a big cheer! But you know we’re all right behind you here and always ready to help you through when you need us! Go you!👏👏

Thank you! I'm already really valuing the support, encouragement and kindness from this group :)

I don’t really get the bums rush just the odd sarcastic comment, my oh calls me Insane Bolt🤣

5kstarter
5kstarterGraduate
in reply to J111eth

😂that’s pretty funny in fairness! I hope you feel proud as well though x

Love it!! :)

I think you need to tell him what you’ve just told us x you need him to be happy for you (and proud)

Thank you! :)

5kstarter
5kstarterGraduate

My partner is very busy so not usually in when I run so he’s not unsupportive but not my biggest cheerleader either. I’m very careful about who I tell about my running as I told some non running friends about C25K on a zoom call and although they clearly knew nothing about it I felt crushed when they laughed at me only doing 20mins of exercise.

I do a PT session from time to time and my trainer is a regular marathon runner, I have found he is my cheerleader. I’ll often message him after a run as I know I’ll get a positive response back.

If you can find someone like this for you then I find it matters less that my OH is oblivious.

I would also encourage him to run again if he wants to - but don’t run together just yet, better to be confident runners in your own right than depend on each other to be around to run.

Thank you! 👍

GoGo_JoJo
GoGo_JoJoModerator

It's not straightforward sadly, both with OH and friends. Most peoples' eyes glaze over pretty fast if I talk about running. The thought of being out for hours on their own away from everything is truly awful for some 🤣

My OH was supportive, he was a bit disappointed that it took over and I rarely cycle with him anymore. He is doing a bit of running now and of course doesn't want to hear or take any advice 😉

It's definitely a personal journey, just enjoy it for yourself and don't let anyone's negativity dampen your enthusiasm. 😁

Thank you! 👍

Cp1965
Cp1965Graduate

Not exactly but similar. Had a finger wagging a few years ago from the doc so decided to do something about it. Took my (now ex) wife 6 months to notice, and her reaction was "why are you losing weight (doc told me to...), why didn't you tell me (because I wanted to do it in my own way, in my own time, with no pressure), are you after another woman or something (why on earth would you say that...?). Ironically she had spent years bemoaning her own size (and mine), and when I fell off the wagon after a while her reaction was "you're piling it back on again"...

SuperKat1974
SuperKat1974
in reply to Cp1965

Thank you!👍

Elfe5
Elfe5Graduate

I suspect that this is about change - always unsettling - & you achieving your OH’s intention. I also suspect it will settle down when your new exercise becomes your “normal”. - Even better if he can start running too - in his own time & way of course. 😄

Meanwhile keep going for you- we will cheer you on! 😄👏👏👏

SuperKat1974
SuperKat1974
in reply to Elfe5

Thanks for the cheers! 👍

Birdlady64
Birdlady64Graduate

My worse 😉 half has not exactly supportive either. I'd come back from a run and he'd ask me "well how far did you run this time?" I'd say "Its not about distance, but time" and he would just shrug or give me a sarcastic smile or some other "witty" comment. Well he thought they were witty.

I think it was partly a jealousy thing. We normally do everything together and this is something he's excluded from. Like someone else said - it's almost a totally secret life we have on here. Not that I don't want him to see what I post.

To add to the feeling of exclusion he has had both knees replaced so can't really run (though I'm not sure he'd want to in any case)

A couple of weeks ago one Sunday afternoon we walked my normal running route together and I think he was secretly impressed. "What you run all this way?" One up for me..💪

Since that the sarcastic comments have decreased and now it seems he is accepting this is just something that I do.

And just this morning he said to me "you need to keep this running up. You look so much better for it". Shock horror 😱 A compliment 😁💪💪💪

At the end of the day we're doing this for ourselves and because we want to.

Keep at it, have a blast doing so, and hopefully he will come round, see the improvement in your fitness, health and mental well being.

Happy running 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

One up for you indeed! Thanks for the support! 👍

Newbie59
Newbie59Graduate

Probably just feeling bad cos he got you into it, but he isn't doing it himself.

My OH is not into any kind of exercise, I tried to get him to do some gentle stretching exercises into lockdown but he's adamant, no way.

He has shown no interest at all in my running so I decided not to say anything, until I had run the 20 minutes. At 30 minutes he is still unimpressed. However, he did look at me appraisingly and commented on my trimmer shape!

Thank you!👍

Dtay1978
Dtay1978Graduate

I’d imagine it’s probably a pride thing, us blokes behave like idiots when our pride is at stake. I’d imagine his has probably taken a severe blow based on you doing something he’s always ‘going to do’.

Maybe you should have a chat about it, ask him why he’s not being supportive? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Agree that the pride thing is a big issue with him! 👍

EThomas
EThomasGraduate

Well done for doing something for you. It is his problem if he cannot/will not go out for a run. He should be supporting you instead of resenting your you time. He may have been expecting you to fail before now and give up on the running idea.

Keep enjoying your runs and hopefully your enthusiasm will rub off on him. We all have your back and will support you throughout.

Why not suggest he joins you and see what he says?

Good luck

Thank you!👍

Fitat50plus
Fitat50plusGraduate

Not my husband, but my friends. When I started my fitness (obsession!) about 8 years ago all I got was - you're going to the gym again! Why aren't you drinking/eating cake and so on. Some even posted on FB photos of them drinking, eating cake saying they'd rather do that than go to the gym, and saying if a person was sober or didn't eat cake they were boring.

I did take them personally, even though they weren't aimed at me (I hope). I think, as others have said - remember your why - why are you doing this? Why is it important to you?

Wise words! Like with my other half, I'm sure your friends' comments say more about their own feelings of self-worth - or lack of....... 👍

My husband is the same except he never was a runner but he loathes sport and sporty types so was not at all supportive until he realised there was something in it for him because I came back on a runners high. So we got to the point when I was grumpy he would suggest I do a run! I am female Edward Kerrison is a pseudonym.

Sisters are doing it for themselves!! 👍👍

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