PARK RUN TIMING CONFESSION .....AND.........****ING GATES

Okay, first things first, I have to apologise for misleading you all yesterday by telling you that I had run 27.28 at Killerton Park Run. I am sorry. The official timing took some time to get through and is confirmed at twenty seven minutes and twenty four seconds. I still don't believe it, but my body is telling me today that I did it. In fact that I overdid it. I have lots of little niggles, which I am sure will be ok in a couple of days time. I am not gloating ....that was a hard won 4 seconds, I tell you.

Endomondo had previously told me that my PB 5k was 28.09 but that was the same run that it told me my PB 1k was 3.46, which it must have stolen from somebody else's satellite, so I didn't believe any of it. I have had times around 30 minutes, but inconclusive. My secret weapon however is the ****ing gates, eighteen ****ing gates in total on my usual 5.6k course. Now most of these ****ing gates are latched, some swing away and some towards, some are wood and some are metal but they ALL slow me down. I considered vaulting but that is asking too much of this tired old dog, so I perfected the technique of opening eighteen ****ing gates in the shortest possible time and reckoned I was only losing about five seconds on each one. AND THERE YOU ARE. The maths works perfectly. I beat 30mins by 96 seconds, which when divided by 18 means I was taking 5.33 seconds per ****ing gate, leaving me with the explanation of my extraordinary time.

So there is the logic.

Oh, and Mrs da Truffe, who is better educated than what I am, says they are called kissing gates. Well, you live and learn.

Enjoy your running.

OK, THIS IS AN EDIT.

Following Oldgirl (you know she is ALWAYS right) making a cryptic comment about losing a gate, I redid the maths and of course I beat 30 mins by 156 seconds which means all my careful calculations are just a load of *******s.

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15 Replies

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  • I think someone must have stolen one of your xxxxing gates! :) Superb time, well done. I have to say gates of any sort would drive me barmy when running.

  • Great post........next time I see any gate of any kind I'm going to picture your profile picture and say 'f***ing gate'

    Brilliant.

  • Where the F did the F come from?

  • Whoops!!!! My mistake!!!!!!!!

  • I'm so jealous that's so f****** fast... Gates or no gates IT...love the maths.

  • I'd swap it for 23k in one weekend!!

  • Oh yo, oh yo, oh yo!!

    Faffing fantastic time - one extra second off for every mile...I like your style!! :-)

  • I can get through a kissing gate in under 5 seconds (nice chap on Friday morning opened and held a gate for me, saying I was faster than him so I got to go through first!!) unless hubby is with me, we snog at all of them (even after 19 years of marriage, well it winds the kids up something awful so it's got to be done!!!).

  • If I'm running a route with gates I take my son with me on his bike. He rides ahead and opens them all for me! He won't let me kiss him though!!

  • Great time! I hope your little niggles won't last long :)

    I'm just wondering about these gates... where I live (i.e. where I grew up now I live in a big city and here they are more unlikely) there are hardly any gates on the paths or, to be honest, I can't remember having seen one. The only possibility that I would have to cross a gate was when I wanted to cross a field/meadow which is also not recommendable as closed gates mean that there are habitants on the meadow. These habitants are cows (which are ok) but they usually have a bull living with them and I definitely wouldn't want to meet one during a run. Well. it might improve my speed though....

    Can anyone explain me these gates and why there are so many of them? Thank you :) (I already learned a lot about the UK on this page and I'm curious to learn about gates...it's something they don't teach at school ;) )

  • Nomoresloth (I love that tag), I live in a small town in rural Devon and my running routes take me into the fields around the town. Where the footpaths that I run, reach a field boundary there is a kissing gate, which is designed to allow pedestrians through, without allowing cattle and sheep to escape. The gates are a nuisance, but as I discovered they can disguise the fact that you are setting quite respectable times between gates. There are often cows, bullocks and sheep in the fields and they have got used to seeing strange figures running through their space at sunrise and sunset. I don't like the gates but I love the countryside.

    Please don't take me too seriously. Nobody else does.

  • Thank you :) I think here they have less trust in the cattle so they won't let us cross their fields ;) Or less trust in us pedestrians... it's more likely.

    I once saw a documentary on something in rural Britain and there were also gates in the middle of a path. Your post reminded me of them and I thought it might be a good opportunity to find out why they are blocking the path and not like here path between the fields (so no gates needed).

    Don't worry, I don't take you too seriously :D I don't even take myself seriously ;)

  • Gates are better than stiles though! But the best gates are over on Kenley Common, in the fields next to the aerodrome. Worth going and seeing if you're running this way. They just stand there by themselves, no fence, just these gates!!!

    Over here we're allowed cows in fields and bulls, but apparently there's a law that says the farmers can't put breeding bulls in fields crossed by footpaths, presumably they're the ones who get upset about their territory being invaded. Seems like the beef bulls are quite docile, or do they not grow up long enough these days?

  • That post was *@£$%^! amazing. HAHAHA!! Honestly, I couldn't be ars** opening 18 &^%£@@! gates. Isn't there a hard shoulder of a motorway you could run down uninterrupted? That'd be ace.

    But I bow to your timing. That's fabulous. I've done a 27'28 5K but cannot seem to top it. Perhaps it's my age?? But your MASSIVE 4 second FASTER TIME is mind blowingly fabulous. Well done and watch those body niggles.

  • Cheers Dan, but I'm a country boy now. YEEEHHAAAAA!!

    I have a feeling that PB may stand for quite a long time. No excuses mate, you're younger than me.

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