Feeling deflated

I posted yesterday about my first parkrun; well today I casually mentioned iit to my other half that I had done it in 47:35 to which he said that he could have walked it faster and that I could have only have been running 4 miles an hour. Felt really deflated wish I had kept my mouth shut.

He also said I should be able to do it in half an hour or less which is ridiculous as even when I was twenty years younger I doubt I would have been able to do it and does it really matter if I dont?

Fortunately I have on reflection realised that for me it was an achievement for me to actually do it in less than 50mins as I didnt start running until last year and hopefully I will get faster but Ii am not bothered if I dont.

25 Replies

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  • I hate it when people say things like that! Ignore him Ebony, take pride in your achievement x

  • That's very unhelpful. Possibly he could have walked it faster - that doesn't matter. You ran it, and you ran it in a good time. You achieved something brilliant because you entered it, you went, you ran and you completed. Hindsight being what it is, a good comeback might have been pointing out how fast the leaders were and that he couldn't possibly have beaten them! However, I understand how you would feel deflated and the emotion undoubtedly wins out over the sensible, logical reasoning.

    You probably will get faster, but as you say, does it really matter? You are doing this for you, you have graduated from this great programme, and you ran a Parkrun! You are fab - like saruma says, take pride in your achivement. We're proud of you :)

  • Rubbish - and I was so glad to read you had realised what I was thinking as I read this. It is being out there and putting in the effort that counts. You are doing better than me I still haven't been brave enough to go along to a parkrun yet. Find the thuoght of all those people a bit scary. So well done you.

  • Hm. Has he heard anything about this programme and your journey through it? I would say ignore him! You've achieved something really special that's taken huge amounts of effort. (Unless he is an athlete or something?) Could he do it?! XX

  • What can I say? The achievement is entering the run and completing it. Time and speed all come later and endurance needs to be achieved first. Well done for doing all that. Your other half ought to be more encouraging and more supportive. Good luck as you push on with the Parkruns!

  • Let me guess he said this from the settee, well done for being out there, running is about personal challenges and you've done grand, believe in yourself :-)

  • Oh bless you :-) sorry I don't know but is your other (in the dog house) half a runner himself? If not please remind him anyone could probably walk that, but you RAN it, that takes double the energy, stamina and guts. To do a park run is a fab achievement (i havnt) well done and we here are all really pleased for you :-) may I suggest as a punishment the withdrawal of nice dinners for a month :-) x

  • Who is the one who took part and completed it? That would be you! You completed it and deserve praise for doing so. So well done and good luck on your next one. :-)

  • Well done Ebony, fantastic achievement! Like others, I haven't entered a ParkRun yet because every time I look at the results on the ones local to me, the slowest seem to run it in about 35mins - I take about 38-40mins for a 5km - and I'm too embarrassed to go.

    I sympathise. If I say to my hubby that "I did it!" or tell him what I have done, he usually comes back with something better. For example, the other week I ran 5km for the first time. He promptly went out and did 10km. And I always get told how far he went, how many calories he burned, how fast he did it, etc., etc. It used to bug the hell out of me. But I decided to let it go. He's fitter than me - always has been. He started the C25K before me - I had a broken rib. Fact of the matter is, I do my best. I can't do his best, that's impossible for me, so I do MY best and do you know what? It's working.

    Keep going Ebony, he's just jealous that you got out there and did something for yourself. Congratulations and keep going!! :-) xx

  • you hit the nail on the head, we each do our best. Our achievements should be celebrated in relation to OUR own ability, not someone else's.

  • I agree, it's so annoying when people have to put you down instead of being encouraging. You're the one out there doing the running. It's a personal achievement, and you should be proud. Comparisons and put downs are pointless at best, and harmful and demoralising at worse. Keep at it. We'll be here to cheer you on!

    PS I am training for a charity 3k never having run that long in my life. A woman at my choir actually said to my face "but it isn't very far really is it?" The correct response being "well go on then, you do it" but I was so shocked , I mumbled something about it being quite hard for us. People really have no idea do they? Nor do they bother thinking before they open their mouths. Makes me so angry!

  • Tell him you have registered him fir the next one so he can put his money where his mouth is!!

    I am so grateful that so far everyone around me has been supportive and I'm still in week 1 lol

    Stick to telling us on here your achievements, we'll support you all the way x

  • Oh dear, don't let ANYONE rain on your parade - you did it! :-)

  • Read up on 'passive aggression' and then decide whether you want to take the long haul and help him address his frustration at his personal lack of esteem or, whether the effort isn't worth it and you'd be better parting company.

    People like this are responsible for trapping more women in dull, miserable lives than anything else.

    Cheers

    Graham

  • Hi Graham

    I wasnt upset as much as disappointed however we have been married 20 years so I should be used to this type of response so maybe like I said I should have kept it to myself rather than expect anything else; its just the way he is. We have different interests he his trains me running which incidentally is a new interest.

  • I feel sorry for anyone who's so insecure they feel threatened by another's accomplishment and has to try & take it away from them.

    You're not in competition with anyone other than yourself in running - that's one of the great things about it.

    Fact is, YOU DID IT! You got up and ran 5km with other like-minded people. Take pride in that. Your speed doesn't matter, the fact is YOU RAN.

    My first thought on reading your post was "bet he said that from the comfort of his armchair".

  • Ignore his comments, they say more about him than about you. You did an amazing job, time doesn't matter, you jogged/ran 5K, that is a GREAT achievement! People around us sometimes feel insecure when we do these things for ourself and start building more confidence.

    I'd register him and make him do parkruns every week until he apologises or takes you out for a REALLY expensive/lovely dinner. No wait, I don't think dinner is enough. How about a romantic weekend somewhere. And if not, treat yourself to a spa weekend with a girlfriend, on him ;-)

  • Well done Ebony!! You ran 5k, you entered a Parkrun and finished, and you did it in a time that you were really pleased with. You are a star!!

    Why does he say you should be able to do it in 30 minutes - has he any idea just what a massive milestone that is for the majority of us? I can't see me breaking that barrier any time soon!

    I love bexbridges comment: "Fact of the matter is, I do my best. I can't do his best, that's impossible for me". That sums it all up for me. You are doing something amazing, something you never thought you would be doing and that is the only thing that matters.

    Maybe he meant it as a bit of a joke, which isn't really that funny, or perhaps he's just scared that one day you'll run out the door...and not come back....?! ;-)

  • Congratulations ebony for entering a parkrun and getting through it! Organized runs for some of us are a lot like starting the C25K program, it takes courage to get started. Sometimes people open thy mouth and insert thy foot before ever thinking. ;-) Share with him that he hurt your feelings. Hopefully, he didn't mean to. If he was actually voicing his opinion, then he really needs a stern talking to. You've done amazingly well through this venture, try to look back often and see how far you've progressed. BTW: I'm not a fast runner either, but we are out there with our laces tied and hitting the ground. :-) Gayle

  • HI gayle

    I dont think he meant to hurt my feelings perhaps he was in his own way trying to encourage me to improve. Probably not the right way to go about it perhaps and a less confident person wouldnt go again and would probably stop altogether however I am more confident these days having lost two stone since last april although have got a long way to go yet so dont intend to stop now.

    I mentioned it to my sister who said in future just keep it to myself or just telll those I know will be interested and encouraging. She said a friend of hers was trying to do a charity 5k following a proper training programme but had to stop as kept getting stitch so I had done more than she had.

  • Hi Ebony, take no notice. I do parkrun in 52 minutes and even I can walk it faster than that - so what, it's the fact that you are running that is the achievement and your times will improve. I've just got my time down to 52 minutes, I was a lot slower so if we race you'll still beat me :D

  • Hi

    Dont worry I will keep my achievements to this community and to those who are interested unless of course he asks next week!

    Out of interest I did run 5k around my local area on Bank Holiday monday and did it in 53mins and 2 secs 17 seconds faster than the friday before so to do it on an unfamiliar route with other people and faster than I thought gave me a reall buzz.

  • Brilliant, well done you!

  • I hope I haven't just bust someone's bandwidth apart by linking to that.

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