It's been a while since I've ranted on, so here goes....I've been watching and waiting since Jan this year, I had the typical diagnoses....I went in for the yearly physical and doc say's holy crap look at those WBC, you better go see a hematologist, and we all know how that story ends. So, into the land of W&W I entered checking in every now and then to see where the blood counts are. Since then, I've had a few bumps in the road, passed a couple kidney stones, FUN STUFF! was told I have basil cell cancer on my nose that needs to be removed along with an odd looking mole on my leg, going in next week to be carved up. I had a nasty case of Epididymitis...that was pleasant.... then lastly had some kind of bizarre cyst on my eyelid that had to be removed.... all fun stuff. I must say turning 50 really sucked! Now I'm scheduled for my next blood check on Friday and am kind of hoping my WBC have gone up from 16K on my last visit so I can as they say.... get on with it! But, then again I'm no fool, I know W&W is the best place I can be and hopefully stay for as long as possible. Since I'm 11Q del, unmutated and complex karyotype I know my time will come soon enough. That's when the real clock start ticking.... so I guess I should be grateful watching and waiting .... but I'm a little sick and tired of looking at my lumpy neck in the mirror trying to hide it with dress shirts and jackets. I'm a little sick of worrying about every little ache and pain I get, is it stomach cancer, pancreatic cancer or just a stomach ache..? Will my kids bring home some nasty bug that I'll catch and try to fight off for months and months....who knows. Since I am high risk and I do have a great CLL specialist, Dr. Sharman... I know what my treatment will be Ibrutinib, today anyway but maybe if I last on W&W another year or two it will acalbrutinib...I hope I make it, seems like a better drug. I'm guessing one of those drugs will last me 4-5, maybe 6 years and then on to the next....maybe it will venetoclax or maybe there will be something better by then...who knows. Maybe if I make it 10-15 years the CAR-T therapy will be my cure, then again maybe I'll get Richter's or some other cancer....it's such an unknown, I hate the unknown! Since I am only 50 years old with a beautiful wife and 4 really great kids I need to stay hopeful and I will. I will fight with all I have and I know treatment whenever it comes wont be all that bad, a little diarrhea here and there, possibly s few cracked fingernails, maybe an extra nap now and then... it could be worse. So with that said, I will see what my blood tells me on Friday and will roll with it either way, maybe it will be another year of watching and waiting.... FUN STUFF!