Hi everyone, I've read a few of the posts on botched rhinoplasties and I've actually never heard anyone else talk about it, and I didn't know Changing Faces existed.
I had a rhinoplasty that was done very badly many years ago, 1998 when I was 22 years old. I'm a 48 year old guy.
I've spent the last 26 years avoiding photos, I've maybe a dozen of me in that time and I do think my nose might be getting worse now.
Basically I had too much removed from the tip of my nose and in an asymmetrical way, which left me with a very asymmetrical tip and quite an upturned nose. Where too much cartilage has been removed I have a thin 2 1/2 cm triangle shape of darker reddish skin on my nose. This is in the place that it's most asymmetric, so that colour difference makes it look worse.
Like the posts I've read, like you I was actually quite a good looking person, there was absolutely nothing wrong and I should never had had that operation. I was really messed up with depression when I made that decision. Like you guys I can really beat myself up about choosing to do it.
I found this site via a Bing search, which suggested the skin camouflage service to improve this - I never knew this existed.
I think I'm looking for a few things - are there in person support groups for this kind of thing? I see Changing Faces has online peer groups, have any of you used those for this situation?
The same really about counselling, I definitely need some specific therapy around this, so wondered if people had used the Changing Faces counselling or another service. I've never had any therapy for it.
I'd also like to know what results people have had with skin camouflage, although this is very individual I'd still like to hear !
How do you broach the rhinoplasty with people you date? I only ever told my girlfriends once we were serious and knew each other well.
I'm also single now for a year after a very long relationship, and I don't know how to handle dating to be honest. How do you guys do that? Years ago I used to use alcohol and benzos when dating so I didn't care about anything, but those drugs became an addiction, so I no longer use drugs of any kind.
I'm actually really scared about dating, for sure. And being single is a big factor on me thinking about the rhinoplasty more. I was lucky to have 2 long term relationships and it bothered me much less then.
The other thing is considering revision surgery...
I've never even looked into that, so have no idea of the risks or realistic expectations. I never looked into it because I was so badly traumatised by the original rhinoplasty that if it turned out worse I think my life would be over, it would destroy my life into one of total reclusion and depression.
So I was always of the mind that if there's even a 1% chance it ends up worse, I just can't risk that
But what are realistic revision risks, and what about non-surgical procedures like fillers, and risks with that? Are there world class people at this, which can fix things?
It would be nice to talk to some people in the same position, because I never have done that. I've never met someone who's been through this.
EDIT, one big aspect of this is that I was young and in very bad mental health and I wonder what on earth my dad doing allowing this to go ahead. I feel he should’ve stopped it and really stepped up as a parent with action around my mental state. Are any of you in this frame of mind? How did you forgive your parent or parents, what was that process in counselling?
I’ve never talked to my dad about this feeling of blame, I always thought it would destroy him it’d be that hurtful. I definitely don’t want to bring it up with my dad without a ton of advice and lived experience
Thanks all
Written by
Mo_Kaitaro
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I'm in a similar situation. Had a rhinoplasty last year with a terrible outcome. I look like a pig. Considering revision but, like you, am terrified it could get even worse. It's hard. But at least we're not alone. Sophie.
Hi Sophie, thanks for the vote of support, I’m very sorry that happened to you. You are on this site really early on so I hope that will make things easier. Definitely thinking I was alone in this made it worse, so thanks
I'm sorry to read that you are having a tough time.
The ethos of Changing Faces is to support and advocate for those with facial disfigurement, to change societal perceptions, and to advocate for a world without prejudice.
Changing Faces provided incredible support and advocacy - at school - for my daughter who was born with a very, very wide unusual Holoprosencephaly variant cleft lip and palate, and a partial nose and absent bridge to a nose.
Changing faces advocates for those that might experience social isolation and bullying, which my daughter has. Their input has directly raised her educational outcomes because the adults around her can often have low expectations of her.
My daughter may choose to have more reconstructive surgery, if she wants, over and above what she has needed to be able to eat, breathe and speak. But she might not choose to. With the amazing work of Changing Faces, why should she have additional surgeries? We need a world of respect for visible difference. Not a world that contains the converse and pressure for my daughter to change her face to please others or to not suffer prejudice at work, for example.
In terms of world class surgeons, the very, very best work in the NHS maxillofacial and craniofacial departments, and also do voluntary work in 3rd world countries. But I can't see how - unless you pay privately and agree to allocate their time - you can access those. There are tons of private doctors that do nose jobs that can be found online.
We have done fundraising for Changing Faces in the past. In a climate with scarce resources, I recommend private councelling.
Hi DeKa , I wanted to say a warm welcome to our online Changing Faces community and thank you for sharing a bit about your story as a parent supporting a child with a visible difference.
It's great to hear your positive and empowering point of view when it comes to dealing with a world that doesn't always respect and appreciate difference. I'm pleased to hear that you found the support of Changing Faces helpful in your journey and hope that you'll find this space helpful in sharing your thoughts and connecting with others who might have had similar experiences.
Hi De thanks for such a detailed post. A complete change of perspective to why should we risk ourselves further to conform to society, is an ultimate solution.
Giving zero concern anymore about any of it. To achieve that state of mind solves the problem.
I’ll definitely explore this with a therapist. It needs a lot of unravelling, one of the biggest things is having done it to myself. But I did it when I had terrible mental health
There’s an aspect of anger towards my dad still, because I was young and making terrible choices and he should’ve stepped in and stopped it going ahead & done all sorts of parenting around my bad mental health. I’ll edit my post because this is something I’d like to discuss with people in this position.
Hello Mo_Kaitaro and Welcome to the Changing Faces community! Thank you for your post and for sharing your experiences here. It sounds like you've had a really challenging time with your visible difference over the years and I'm sorry to hear that you suffered with depression and your mental wellbeing.
The fact that access to support might not have been as available or accessible as you needed it at the time must have made it even harder for you. However, it's also clear that you have developed a lot of resilience and skills through this journey and learnt a lot about yourself as well as having met people who have been able to be there for you. Hopefully, as part of this community, you'll find people to connect with and continue to share your thoughts if you find that it helps.
It's also very positive that you are thinking of exploring your experiences and feelings through counselling or other types of support and if that's something you're interested in accessing with Changing Faces please feel free to contact us when it's the right time for you. I'm including the link to our website here if you wanted to read more about it changingfaces.org.uk/servic...
Hi, Mo. I’m sorry this happened to you. Similar situation except I just had mine done at 49, wanted natural results, but he gave me the opposite. But he took more than yours did. My nose was fine, shouldn’t have touched it. I don’t ever want to go out unmasked again. It looks like a nose only someone with terrible mental health would ask for, so that is how I will be perceived by anyone who sees it. I may be getting back with an ex who doesn’t care, but if not, it’s too obvious to date & not tell, and I’m staying masked anyway. I’m worried about how this will impact every aspect of the future including employment & being able to verify my identity. Yes, I’m in the state of almost total reclusion & depression you mentioned you would be in if things got worse.
I would need something closer to a lower half reconstruction than a revision. The technology exists to do that, I don’t think anyone does it for revision, but I am looking. I encourage you to look into revision, it sounds as if it could help you if you do enough research. Group therapy sounds great, I haven’t been able to find any for this issue anywhere near me.
Wishing you all the best. Like Sophie said, at least we are not alone.
Oh Iridescence, I'm so so sorry. Are you getting lots of professional counselling help? I was always told, on our own with our thoughts we are in dangerous company, and it's very true. Group therapy is massively helpful with people in the same situation, everyone has had the same thoughts and done the same things, and they totally get you. So yes I hope we can both find this, maybe if there's no elective surgery group a non specific one would be very helpful.
I'm in the North now, in Yorkshire. EvaChangingFaces - are there groups in this area?
You know with your ex, there are a lot of brilliant men and women who don't care at all how someone looks, and again I really think this is where lived experience could help us, by seeing their attitude and mindset shift that's made it a smaller problem.
Maybe in future when medicine is vastly better I'll have revision done, the technology would have to be light years ahead of what it is now. I have hope through the skin camouflage service and I'm talking to a non specific counsellor about this event tomorrow.
I had a time when I didn't give a crap about my appearance, I found road motorbikes and it was such an incredible, amazing hobby that my attention left what I thought of my face.
Hi. I am in a similar situation - except my mother (who had had various cosmetic work done) persuaded me to have nose surgery. My rhinoplasty was a total disaster and my face looked completely different afterwards - I also have breathing problems. I have had years of therapy, have tried to kill myself several times but now just trying to accept what has happened. I never look in mirrors. It's tough.
Oh Loverambling I’m so sorry to hear how much you’ve suffered 😞😞😞
I’m glad you’re trying to accept it, it sounds like you’re getting some peace.
I’m very sorry to hear that about your mum, how do you feel about your mum’s part in it?
I’m developing some new views on my dads part in my rhinoplasty
A couple days ago I was in a place of just accepting it. The counselling that was recommended was around acceptance and I just thought I can skip counselling and just accept it now.
To just stop caring about how I look and not to be too concerned about having a partner.
One of the things is that 6 years after it was done I did heavily take drugs for confidence and did a ton of online dating and I dated a lot of different people… probably because the drugs made me not care and often be very confident
I’m not saying drugs are the answer, nor is dating like crazy while using drugs, maybe just stopping giving a shit is the answer
I think I’m going to change direction and do a lot of stuff about helping others who’ve had addiction & really bad mental health. Maybe stop looking for a life where I had good looks and an easy time, because it’s not going to work out that way.
I've been there too..I'm male..had a rhinoplasty when I was 27..was left with worse nose..just kept swelling up ,skin went bad,but lived with it. Then when I had turned 38 got it done again.and that was the biggest mistake I ever made, was even worse .I dislike the way I look even more now..I'm now 58 and have still not got over it..I live with it though,but the skin is worse then ever and the shape of my nose does not suit my face at all.I'm still depressed with it all. I did get diagnosed with body dis-morphia..as originally there was nothing wrong with my nose. I've had counselling , medications all sorts and still not helped.I feel like if I had help in the those early days it might have made a difference .My mental health is like a tug of war.The strange thing is I do look young for my age, not sure if that is a good thing ,as I was hoping the older I get I would get over thinking like this about myself.
Hi Bones I’m really sorry that has happened, I really am. When were you diagnosed with body dysmorphia? I’m certain I had that too.
I remember when I was very young, about 8 and thinking I was terribly ugly, and feeling very depressed about it, I have had depression from first memories at age 6 or so. Ultimately that depression and the body dysmorphia stemmed from having autism and having a lot of trouble connecting with other children in a sustained way.
The rhinoplasty happened because I’d gone to university and suddenly around hundreds of others in halls of residence and having very bad trouble connecting with others, I turned it in on my appearance.
Now because of the past addiction issues and going to AA and NA, I’ve found a bunch of people who are very much on the same autism wave length and often feel very deep connection. I do some hobbies that have a lot of autistic people too & often feel I belong there also. That’s helped a great deal in general. It’s why I asked about in person group support
Thank you for your post it has helped a lot finding there’s a bunch of us in this situation. Did you get counselling from a specialist in this area?
Hi bones1234 , welcome to our Changing Faces online community and thank you for posting your story here.
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that you've been through all these years with your mental wellbeing, appearance related concerns and self-image. It is incredibly difficult not feeling able to accept and like yourself. It is said that the way to feeling confident in yourself is to learn to love and accept yourself fully for who you are and recognise all your good and unique qualities that make you, you! Instead of feeling like you have to tolerate something about you because you might not be able to change it.
I appreciate that this is much easier said than done and it sounds like you have been doing lots of things over the years in order to help yourself in this challenging process of self-love. As you can see you are not alone in your experience and there are people here that are able to relate to what you said and understand your experience. Hopefully you'll find it helpful connecting with them and sharing your thoughts about this part of your journey.
Hi and thanks Mo, if you have spent hours looking in the mirror, checking all the time, asking for reassurance off others every day, you probably have body Dysmorphia . I've had all different types of anti depressants , counselling, cbt therapy, not helped at all, apart from knowing that I have that Disorder . I don't take any medications now. I've been feeling like this since I was 12 years old. Those with body Dysmorphia do take extreme steps like having surgery when there is no need to. All I did by getting surgery was causing the problems which I have today. You only have to look in the mirror and you are reminded about it all..If you do have revision surgery again, there is that chance your skin could become even worse..I just don't want others to go through what I had to go through. I don't think I will ever get over it.Tbh just tired with it all.
Hey Bones, man mental health medicine and spotting those who need treatment early still seems to be a big mess. Certainly I've met loads of early 20s people with disabling conditions and no one has ever suggested it to them. They've ended up with life changing consequences like we have, but through other means. The elective surgery system needs to be really tightly regulated with really robust mental health screening of patients - and support for those who are turned away because of that (probably a lot of people), so they get help rather than go abroad etc to another surgeon.
I wonder if a charity like this could make things change.
I wouldn't ever get surgery again unless the outcome was 100%, which is not going to happen anytime soon.
I am focusing on becoming a better more skilled person, and being useful to others also.
There was an article with Adam Pearson which is how I heard of Changing Faces, and he said he was told to live the life he had, rather than the one he wished he had.
Also there are a lot of people out there who will just take your money.Do your research .I went to see 3 surgeons , 2 said that if they operated it could make things worse, mostly the skin again. I went for the 3rd one who said they could fix my nose☹️☹️. Whatever you do make sure you are in the right frame of mind before making any decisions.
one thing I’ve been thinking of is would a very high quality prosthesis fix the asymmetry and too much cartilage removed. And it seems that would be zero risk, unless messing around removing and adhering it to the skin could irritate or worsen my skin or the actual cartilage underneath.
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