Hi everyone , i came here to vent cause i feel like i'm suffocating. I had no problem with my nose growing up it wasn't the perfect nose but it fitted my face so well and made me look cute .Until an unfortunate event happened that ruined my family's life . My brother couldn't accept what happened and started to act very agressive towards me and my mom . He hit me on the face multiple times and my nose was affected cause i wear glasses . In school i was bullied cause i was no more the cute girl i used to be i ve lost a lot of weight and i was having problems sleeping and my nose looked crooked.
Last year i was trying to find a solution to make my nose straighter i ve visited a plastic surgeon here in my country morocco, i told him can you please make my nose straighter and remove my side hump that used to bother me a lot cause my glasses were always deviated because of it . He was very honest with me and told me that he wanted to give me a perfect small upturned nose but i was against it cause i didn't wanted to change my birth nose i wanted to look like my old self before all the trauma .
I then found an ENT doctor who accepted to perform a septoplasty and to remove my side hump too but right after surgery he came and told me that he couldn't straighten my septum so he removed a piece of it cause it was benting and he couldn't reach out to my bones cause he used a closed technique then i ve realised that he has never done this before and had no experience and decided to do training on me . After this surgery i was left with a perforated septum and no tip support and also my side hump . Then this year i found a surgeon in my city who told me that he can fix my nose and that he has done multiple nose jobs before i trusted him and before the surgery i told him clearly that i want my birth nose please don't give me a projected and a small upturned nose and i ve made it clear that i don't want my bones to be narrowed cause i only had a side hump . But to my surprise after the surgery he showed me post operative pictures of my nose and i was devastated he litterally did the opposite and disfigured and ruined my face harmony also he made my nose worst than before all my nose was inclined and my bones were far from my right eye and too much projection . He made me look like a freak and ruined my youth now i have no money to save my nose and my confidence .I just feel absolutely unlucky in this life . I was thinking about killing myself everyday after the surgery but i'm just afraid of the after life too . I'm afraid this might ruin my future too . I'm just lost and don't know how to live anymore . For me life is torture and the afterlife will be a torture i just should chose wich torture is less brutal. Thank you for reading my life story .
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Youssri123
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Hello Youssri123, and firstly welcome here and for your post. I am so glad you felt able and the need the let off some feelings about the tremendous amount you've been through.
I must apologise if I have not read this correctly (and if so, I may have made an assumption, so if it is wrong, then I humbly apologise), but it sounds like you may more than one psychological thing going on.
Firstly, you have the nose which you like to correct, and that is not helping your self image.
And this is the bit where I may have misread (indeed I almost hope so!), but it sounds like it may have been caused by your own brother hitting at out you.
So two things, the trauma to the nose, and the damage potentially to your family relationships, which you should be able to place all faith in.
I'm not sure if it was the nose he couldn't handle, since he hit someone else other than you, but whatever, this is just out of order. There is not a single excuse, nor ever will be.
so it may be playing on your mind to what will happen with that relationship. It would me. Its not for you to tell us, not unless you feel comfortable and able, and if so, then you are under NO obligation. Telling people can be helpful, but you must do and say only what is right for you.
I am not surprised you had trouble sleeping and eating if you had anxiety because of either or other of the above. One alone is enough. Both is a lot.
Given you mention the afterlife, I suspect that you may have a good deal of faith going on your life too. I hope so (again, sorry, my assumption!). The reason i hope so is that while I don't have as much faith as many, I do have some, and those who keep faith more than I do seem to be able to use this to draw strength from in the kind of adversity you are facing now.
I hope that this could be a well of strength you could draw from. You should be able to draw comfort from your family, but I will have to leave it to you to assess whether you can.
You are doing the right thing in seeking help with sorting this. You are not a freak. Not at all. keep doing what you area doing! It is the right thing, but it won't always feel like it is.
You mentioned you are in Morocco.
I am deeply saddened to see and hear of the events surrounding both the Earthquake, and the terrible floods in Libya. I am reminded oy 3 wonderful colleagues I had in the IT world, all of whom were observant Muslims. They frequently used the word "Imshallah". God willing. ironically, they would use it most often when the printer refused to print (!), but it does remind me that the world is a tough place and often beyond our control, and yet here you are talking through some issues, taking control, and starting to deal with them. That takes courage.
So I say well done you. Keep us posted, and let us know if ever you need to vent! That is completely fine!!
Thank you for taking the time and effort to read my post and I'm also sorry because it is full of negativity. I don't know no more if i'm a believer or not . To be honest sometimes i just wish that there is no God and no after life so that i can die knowing that there will be no suffering . But sometimes i just feel like God is real and is in fact a little bit harsh on me . Cause in our religious book -the quoran- God says that :"We have created man in the best manner" . After the botched nose job I ve realised that it is in deed true cause now when a human tried to give me a new nose (even though i didn't agree to what he has done now) i just see that my face harmony is gone and that God creation is the best . Also he says "Whoever turns away from My remembrance will have a miserable life " . And a lot more ...
The event that led my brother to become agressive towards us happened in 2016 , it was a family problem that was created by a stranger who completely ruined our life and left without a trace.
And the damage my brother has caused to my nose i tried to repair it with all of my life savings ( i'm a 21 yo student ) but all my efforts were in vain cause now i'm in a much much worse position than i was before the two botched surgeries ( no money and completly looking like a freak ) .
Tomorow classes in college start and I m thinking how to hide my face from people and i ve been only crying cause i really have no power to cope with the hard semestres and my self esteem that is absolutely broken and my depression. I'm afraid i might end up with no college degree and a sad person and completely spoiling my life and my future . This is just hard and I wish if i ended up killing myself God will have mercy on me even though religious people are saying that everyone who commit suicide is going to hell automatically.
Yes i was also heartbroken too when i saw the damage the seisme has left but so many people around the world are trying to help those people . Hopefully all the people who are concerned get the help they need .
I wish you a life full of happiness and health and thank you for responding 🙏
I am so sorry that you had the family trauma. That will never help your well being, and your post is certainly not negative. Yes, it is true that much of what you say are unpleasant things I really wish for you you were not having to deal with.
I know it is hard, but you must not allow yourself to dwell on some of the issues of the past. The fact you are trying to air some of these feelings is NOT negative. For you, it could be the start of something hugely positive, because then you start to process some of the hurt that is going on.
Focus on what makes you the best version of you you can be.
I have a huge tumour on my head, and lately I've been through cancer tests, MRI's ultrasounds, biopsy's and all sort. And goodness knows, I've found it tough. And I cannot claim to be any example to anyone how to handle it. I have always just done what seems the most reasonable thing to do. There are days that, without writing on this forum, then i'm not sure how I would have carried on.
But I have always stayed firm and true to those bits of me that are almost the definition of me. My wife, my family, my friends, the music I like, the places I go, which are almost always islands.
When i go to all my favourite islands, I can sit there, and look out to sea. The sea is very good reminder that the world is soooo much bigger than we are. And that the world is and can be such a dangerous place. I am alwaya reminded that my issues are small by comparison, just be looking at the sea. Those problems don't stop being important to see, but keeping them in perspective is important.
Being able to make sense of these issues is what you are trying to do, so no, your post was not negative. You are trying to make sense of a difficult situation. And fair play to you.
Never stop trying to be the best version of your yourself you can be.
Take tomorrows classes as they come. Don't worry tonight, or now. Get sleep, sleep well, and be rested. And then take tomorrow as it comes. Always take tomorrow's problems as they come.
That does take some life experience. At 21, I was rubbish at it! Now being 50 odd and married, then yes, I have got my experience in the tank to draw on. You will get the same in time. Life will give you the experience, and that you can have faith in that.
Peace to you and keep in touch if you feel you need to talk.
I'm so sorry you had been trough this . I wish that the results show that you have nothing to worry about . It is very frightening to not be able to understand why your body is functioning suddenly a different way .I have been trough this too but as no one in our family had a history of cancer I just let the tumor ( it looked like a small ball behing my ear ) and didn't see any doctor and it just disapeared on its own I was 15 yo at the time. Your way of dealing with challenges is very inspiring . I really love the kind of people who try to find the good even in the bad it shows that you are very emotionaly intelligent person . I have a feeling that your tumor is not dangerous because if the mind is happy the body becomes healthy too .
I will try my best to survive as I always did that is my only strategy i just try to survive sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
Thank you so much for your kind and carring words it really did a difference 🙏.
Hey no problem! I write as i need and feel, a bit like when as mentioned i go fly, or when i look out to sea. There is something so calming about seeing the blue horizon and i find it easier to see the world as it is. Its Mother Earth, our home, and it makes us all look so fragile. Yet we all belong in our home, have our space. On Earth, one human race, just us, and the animals i adore do much and travel too see. It is hard putting issues aside, but we are on the most beautiful planet. smell the fragrant roses while we can.
Youssri, I am so sorry. This us a common story in rhinoplasty. Something similar happened to me. Nose job industry is evil and there us no accountability.
How far out are you from surgery?
It will take time for you to adapt to your new face, and it will eventually happen. In the meantime, there are support groups, ex: in Facebook who can help you through this. A therapist can help too. It dies get better and easier to deal with, so please don't taje drastic measures like killing yourself.
Thank you so much . It's been 40 days since i had my surgery but i can tell it is very botched i look disfigured .I'm actually seeing a therapist to give some medication to help me cope with this nightmare.
Hello Youssri123 I wanted to also say a warm welcome to our community and thank you for sharing part of your story here. I am very sorry to hear how hard things have been for you and that the rhinoplasty affected the way you feel about yourself and your life! Sounds like this operation had a big impact on you. You clearly have a lot on your plate to deal with and to process as you mentioned that there were difficulties in the family and you must have all been through a lot of pain, and you particularly were the victim of your brother’s aggression and I’m sorry that this happened to you.
You talked about going to college tomorrow and having classes and worrying about that and wanting to hide from people. First, I wanted to say that is very positive that you are investing time and effort into your studies and your future. It would be great if you could also find the strength to remind yourself that you are enough and you don’t have to hide from others, but you also don’t have to put too much pressure on yourself to do things if you don’t feel comfortable doing them and remember that taking small steps can have a big impact in the long term. Every day is different, and some days will be harder, and some days will be easier.
I am also aware you mentioned you have been experiencing suicidal thoughts after the surgery, hopefully these feelings will shift soon and you will feel more hopeful but I wanted to say that if these thoughts feel strong or if you think you might act on them, we would recommend speaking to your doctor to let them know how you are feeling so you can explore what support may be available to help you.
Since you live outside of the UK, you could check LifeLine international have details of different organisations offering support in various countries (lifeline-intl.com/).
Health unlocked also has a list of organisations internationally which can offer support: support.healthunlocked.com/...
Hi dear friend, thank you so much for asking about me . I hope you are doing well too . It's been a little hard for me, to be honest i ve been crying a lot after my lectures but i try to assist everyday even though deep down i just wish i can stay in my dorm but i have no choice i need to study or i will find myself in a much worse situation . I just feel very sad overall and not productive at all . I have to print a lot of documents and to organize my room but i just keep procrastinating and litterally obssessing about how disfigured i feel and how unlucky i am in this life . Also i ve been eating only one meal a day since i ve come to the dorm and it's impacting my health and body negatively . I've noticed that i'm developping bad habits slowly like not revising or eating or organizing my room and it is making me even more sad cause i'm afraid i'm just gonna spoil my life because of my depression that i had and have no control over . Everything is a big mess at the moment.
Hopefully my new medication is gonna help me cope with this .
Please wish me luck 🙏💟 and take a good care of yourself.
Again i'm so sorry cause it is very negative but i want to document everything as it is for the moment.
You have already seen that bad habits can form. Yet you are smart enough to tell us!
That is the wisdom of Solomon almost. Because you know, you can start to take steps to beat this.
Or to put it another way, how could ever make like better for yourself if you didnt have things you wanted to fix?? Seriously. You could be in a better place you know. Its hard, but trust your ability to make little changes. Lots of little changes to add up to a lot! Keep the faith in you.
I have had the bad luck to also be botched with poor plastic surgery. I have had all the same feelings you had. It’s very difficult to be at such a low, a rock bottom, where living seems to be such a burden and not living somehow seems perhaps a relief.
I’m 2 and a half years out and I have a little perspective.
You are in the hardest time right now and you have to be as gentle to yourself as you can. Forgive yourself for any perceived guilt as you know God has forgiven you.
Do as many “normal” things as you can and what you can’t, let it be. Not living is worse than living and feeling bad.
It does get more bearable. It’s very difficult to accept you will not be as you were, but you do get there (some days are easier than others).
I was able to find a good plastic surgeon who has helped me somewhat to look better. If you go down that route be absolutely sure they are a senior, skilled surgeon with a ton of experience in repairs not just primary surgery. Don’t go with a young surgeon who is wet behind the ears. To me this is 15 plus years at least and preferably 20 practicing with a good portfolio of pictures (repair/revision pics). Don’t trust reviews, unless they are bad (the bad ones are likely true but the good ones can be faked).
You’re life has value, such precious value and even though this seems as if it is something you cannot bear… you can bear it and you don’t know how things can become better so have hope. Keep hope.
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