i have a weird skin condition and scars that makes me so depressed and suicidal

[jellyelly]

sorry my post will be long and full of hate.

Few years ago, i had only few pimples on face but a doctor prescribe me Accutane which should only be given to patients with severe acne. this meds is poison. It changes my skin completely.

Now my skin scar easily. Pimples never leave indent scar on my face before the meds, after that scary meds, all pimples left indented scars. The last dose was 1 year ago. But 6 months ago i stupidly make the mistake of taking a supplement high in vitamin a. it makes the scaring symptoms so much worse now.

Alot of products i cannot use. Any products that contain vitamin a, eg aloe vera that has vit a in it. Salycilic acid or BP that dry up the skin. If i use them, it gave me new indented scars. My skin is so scary. Every time i see new indent scars appear out of nowhere i feel so depress and suicidal.

Products thats heal acne i can't use, then how should i treat the acne?

The overall texture of skin look so bad, 60% of the scars are cause by products that contain vitamin a or even slight acid like salycilic acid.

I can't do laser or whatever treatments that help with scars.

Whats worse is i had a big indent scar caused by a second useless doctor. it was a subcision treatment. this is confirm to be caused by the doctor having no skill because that big scar is the first point he went in, other parts of the face he subcision has no problem after i tell him its too painful then he didn't go too deep with the needle. A liar doctor who doesn't have the skills but still act like he has.

I feel so helpless and suicidal every time i look into the mirror. People around me don't understand my pain. They see the scars as a nothing thing, or think im being vain, or taking someone worse to compare with me. Because its not on their faces they said things so easily.

So i started to isolate myself. I hate to let people see me. Im tired of explaining to people who dont understand. I hate their judgement, especially on how you are dealing with your life. im so stressed about money issue too. Family dont understand. They just think im being lazy when im so stress about the scars. Friends think im being vain cause they don't have scars issue they don't understand the pain of having it. No one in my real life understand.

Its until i read posts on forums then i realise im not being vain, im normal, because people who has skin issue on face are like me too, depressed, suicidal, isolate themselves. Problem is people in my real life dont understand the physiological issue im facing.

People who took that poison meds before are looking for solution that help with the side effects they are suffering now but no one had any answer. Internet has no answer. Dont tell me about doctors. Doctors will not believe such thing. How the doctors' brain work is they go everything by theory/textbooks and patients they seen before. If you tell them any new symptoms they not going to believe you. Their brain is so dead. Of course, end of the day their goal is just money, so they give excuses to shoo you away when they don't know how to help you.

PS. I hate that first 2 doctors. if not for them, i wouldn't have suffer all these scars.

[Gorgonite]

Hi. Sorry to hear how you feeling. I understand. I feel the same as you. I wish I could offer some sort of advice but I've got nothing. I think as we get older we might start to not care as much. We might also be judged less then too. But who knows. All we can do is take one day at a time and remain hopeful. Also try not to isolate yourself too much. I did that and its been one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. When I think back I still think it was the right decision at the time but now after 2 and a half years I have no one and no job. I am trying to find work but its not easy with all the judgment, plus I go bright red and my forehead becomes like a waterfall even just with eye contact or being around others. I know its easier said than done but just try not to let it break you.

[jellyelly in reply to Gorgonite]

yes only when we are old then these scars wont matter so much. Everyday i so wish im 50 yrs old already then i doesnt have to stress about these scars. Im ok with having no one though, cause when you are going through your deepest pain, you can see that people/friends are just there to watch and judge on how you deal with your problems. Yes its not easy with all the judgement cause our imperfections are on the face which we cant cover or hide it. sigh. How long were you jobless? im jobless too. I only wish for the scars to at least improve then i start to find job. But it keep getting worse with new scars keep appearing. sigh. Hopefully you will found a job soon.

[Hollick in reply to Gorgonite]

may I ask, what skin condition do you have?

[jellyelly in reply to Hollick]

I get indent scar easily from just using products. I dont think theres anyone in this world has this kind of skin.

[Priestly6]

My life is long and full of hate.

Everything you describe about your family and doctors reactions I totally identify with. Isolation seems the only way to survive to me. The trouble is finding a job that can be done in isolation. I haven't been able to find one yet.

[jellyelly in reply to Priestly6]

life is so unfair. some people just get to have all the good things without any efforts.

same. I keep thinking of ways to earn money in isolation but its so hard. sigh. like the world isn't make for people like me. im so stress about money issue. seems like all the doctors out there are the same.

[younique in reply to Priestly6]

Have you considered working online? Tons of companies hire for remote positions now.

[jellyelly in reply to younique]

Tried searching before. Not much online job in my country. Theres only around 3. Any company u know hire online job? Thanks for the suggestion.

[Priestly6 in reply to jellyelly]

Yeah this would be the dream. I dont know of any that would actually pay enough to live though

[Priestly6 in reply to younique]

I have looked but cant actually find that are steady or pay enough

[younique in reply to Priestly6]

Check out flexjobs.com/ I've seen online that some people say they have had luck finding work on that site. Also, I think Amazon and credit card companies are always hiring people to work from home.

[Divna66]

Hi. I understand how you feel.

From my end as my problems with hairloss and skin changes syarted at 50, no difference in the anxiety or pain you are describing.

I guess maybe at 70 one could say is not too much of a problem; I had a life.

This kind of change is simply unforgiving.

My take is that feeling comfortable will never be the case and perhaps love rather than solitude is one answer to so much pain.

Not easy I know, as I have no love around myself.

But I do wonder if there are ways to find it...

[worthytobeloved]

Hi, gorgeous. OMG, I'm so incredibly sorry about how you feel, and especially that you've had no help from doctors. I'm just like you - it feels safer to isolate yourself as much as possible to protect yourself (which I'm doing at the moment). But, I realise it's not a helpful attitude to take - but it is easier than having the stress of showing my face to the outside world.

Until a year or so ago, I found it had got easier due to my age (71), because I felt that people would accept my disfigurement as part of old age. But my skin has got worse, and now I'm either isolating myself or spending hours making myself up to try and look acceptable.

It's sort of a comfort to feel that there are other people out there that feel the same. I just wish there was the help (both physical and psychologica) to help us lead a better life.

Part of me thinks I should let go, and just get on with life. Then I see myself in the mirror!!!

My wish is that all of us get the mental healing we need to cope, and that we can improve our lives. One psychiatrist put it well when he diagnosed me with body dysmorphia - he said "With therapy you might still have this, but hopefully you can just cope better with life." We want miracles, but maybe just a little improvement would be nice! Best wishes! xxx