8.35 …and the Surgery journey starts here

[Circuitbreaker]

just arrived at hospital for an outpatients appointment. Had such a good week last week. Got a new doctor i think is great, sorted out somethings I need to before I have surgery. So should be right up for today.

Yet I got here an inexplicably burst into tears. This week has been stressful, sure, but there is no obvious reason why. And then it has come into mind something Gorgonite said; maybe it was just needed. The cry that is.

I think the enormity of whats coming is now more real. Surgery is not always easy…..

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador]

9.10. Feeling for the NHS staff. They are currently running around looking fr patients who are missing!! Dunno who is more stressed, me or them!

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Circuitbreaker]

9.15. Just realised that i dont know what my expectations are for today….. note to self. Ask questions, no matter how trivial they seem

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Circuitbreaker]

Ok, and home .... and breathe.

I've gone (somehow) from being nervous or phobic of Doctors to being somewhat in awe. Saw one surgeon and then two other surgeons today. All were (frankly) brilliant.

I have been so very fortunate with the people I've spoken to. I know everyone isn't, but there are some seriously good people working in the healthcare sector. Finding them is hard.

Thats it for today. Tests to follow, but a trip to jersey first. Got to go see those Jersey moos! And get some good hotel breakfasts in!

But got to say, if you are worried about talking to a medical professional, and I really was, then change the professional. Best thing I've ever done ...

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Circuitbreaker]

today has been a day. Ive now spoken to Mrs CB. The spectre of cancer has come to us.

F this. I refuse to bow to any Shit ….

Its not confirmed. And until it is i wont hear it…….. i refuse.

[Shysteve in reply to Circuitbreaker]

Thoughts and wishes for you and your family

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Shysteve]

appreciated Steve. Very much so. Even if it is cancer and i dont believe it will be, do you know what? F it!!! Life is for living. Too much cool life out to live. Im going to grab it while I can..,,, as soon as i hear more, and that will be weeks yet. I’ll post, i promise

[Shysteve]

Best wishes

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to Shysteve]

Thanks, mate. deeply appreciated.

[CarolinChangingFaces Partner]

Hi Circuitbreaker it sounds like lots been happening for you recently.

I am sorry to hear that things have been stressful, it’s understandable that as you get closer to the upcoming surgery its feeling more real.

Its great you are checking in with yourself around expectations and giving yourself permission to ask any questions you have.

It also sounds really positive that you are happy with the medical professionals you seen.

I can hear that things are feeling uncertain at the moment whilst you are waiting for further results which understandably can bring up anxiety about the possible outcomes.

It sounds like the coming weeks may be difficult for you. I wondered if you have any thoughts about how you may cope whilst you are waiting?

Maybe others on here will share things that have helped them manage too. 

Take Care

Caroline - Changing Faces

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador in reply to CarolinChangingFaces]

Hi Caroline, great to hear from you.

I know exactly what I'm going to.

Not change a thing.

My sense of humour is working. I'm liking my music. I'm liking my (channel Island) beer. I'm back in the Channel Islands shortly.

I'm going to enjoy it. Every last minute of it.

And I have Mrs CB. We go through what we do. and we don't change a thing. Never.

And that's what we'll do ............

Even if this IS cancer (not certain), then it is still only chances. I completely understand that maths wise. The fact that something has a "chance of" does not mean it will.

and if it is, well, we have the people we need, so I figure we are the best prepared we can be.

It raises a wierd take on life. If you knew you only had x long to live, would you want to know?

On one hand, you can then live everyday like no other, instead of wasting it, like we often do.

Strange thinking indeed.

Maybe we should always live like we may be gone tomorrow. I don't know. Each to their own there I think!

[Solocat Community Ambassador]

Why Circuitbreaker! So glad to hear from you, even in these pressing circumstances. I'm very sure you know how to ride this wave and that you have what you need to go around this mountain. Every one of us goes through different struggles, and only some of us don't exactly know what to face. A possible diagnosis like that can keep anyone on edge and you're dealing with it the right way: with a decided attitude of knowing you are greater than any god...mned diagnosis.

All I ask is to keep us in the loop; and remember you're not alone in this fight and that we are watching every step of the way to make sure you're ok, brother.

So hang in there, we're looking up to you to be your best. Nobody is perfect in any regard, except when we reach out and ask for help!

Thank you for sharing, keep me posted, man!

[Circuitbreaker Community Ambassador]

D Day looks to be April 3. Go for it.