Im a 25 year old girl who have had multiple rhinoplasties. I had my first one three years ago due to a fall that broke my nose severely. I went to a top surgeon in London to get reconstructive surgery. He changed my entire nose. My friends and family plus people i knew on the surface asked me what had happened to me. I used to work as a face model and I saw my face as being my best asset. My career ended with the surgery and so did my confidence. I started isolating myself because of shame and peoples questions to why I looked so terrible. I was planning suicide but my hope wasn't gone yet. I decided to get another surgery which believe it or not made it worse - the surgeon cut my lip muscle so I wasn't able to move my mouth and shaved my entire nose off. This is when the deep depression hit, self harming, complete isolation etc. I got my last surgery 7 months ago and it has improved but I look nothing like i used to. I know beauty isn't everything and I never judge peoples appearance myself, but I can't function knowing what I lost, my confidence, my happy spirit and most of all family and friends. I used to be very happy and active, now I can't even go to the local grocery store to buy food because I get a panick attack every time I look in the mirror. I just sit and think of ways to kill myself.
I have no hope and all I do is thinking how my old life were and what i've lost. I don't think im gonna survive looking like this.
Im so sorry for my poor english (danish speaking). I somehow hoped that someone could relate to my story since I feel completely alone. Maybe having someone to talk to would bring me something other than my regular depression.
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Botchedgirl
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Thank you for opening up and sharing your story - it sounds like you've been through a great deal. It's really positive that you're reaching out to connect with people and get support to help you through this difficult time, and I'm glad to hear your hope isn't gone. You're not alone, and I know people in our community will be able to relate to how you're feeling.
We're not a crisis service, but if you're feeling suicidal it's really important you get the help you need. We'd encourage you to talk to your doctor about your mental health, so they can talk to you about options for support. If you're in the UK, Samaritans are available 24/7 - you don't have to be in crisis to call them, they're there to talk about anything that's on your mind. You can call them free on 116 123. If you're struggling with thoughts about self-harm, you can get in touch with Self-Injury Support - selfinjurysupport.org.uk. If you ever feel like you're in danger, or you have injuries that need medical treatment, please contact the emergency services where you are.
I also wanted to let you know that if you're based in the UK, Changing Faces' Wellbeing service is there for you to support you with appearance-based issues. You can find out more about what we do here: changingfaces.org.uk/advice.... There are also lots of self-help resources on our website you might find helpful.
Reading your story made me cry because I am going through a similar situation at the moment!!! For privacy reasons I prefer having email contact. (Tip: you can make a free secure emailaccount on protonmail.com )
Please send me an email so I can tell you about my story too. Maybe we can become friends and help eachother out.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to me story. It truly means the world to me. I am deeply sorry to hear you are in the same situation as me, I know just how devastating it is.
I will definitely send you an e-mail tomorrow. I would love to keep in contact and perhaps be able to support each other trough this nightmare.
Hi Withoutaname and Botchedgirl - we've removed the email address as we don't allow private information on this forum, but you're very welcome to message each other privately if you'd like to share your contact details and connect.
Please do not kill your self, you are only 25 years old. You are not alone. Lots of people in this world have body bad accidents that changes their lives upside down.
About 1 year back I had a bad accident and I having 2 scars on my upper lip. It does ruined me a lot. The stress and sleepless night made me look old and tired person on my face. Nothing near that I was before.
I was thinking like you I do not want to live. The most horrible time mornings when you wake up and wish it was a bad dream but it is all reality.
I am having 14 years old son and old mum. To kill myself it is the easiest option to come out from that had happened. But you need to think about your closest family, how would they feel and then they have to live with it all their lives. Please killing yourself not the best option.
I know it is hard to live with disfiguration especially on a face. But that had happened we can not change. Try do not think about the past. Try to live today. Do not think too much about future too. Try to live day by day.
I am going to tell now that is helping me to keep living every day and trying to thinks positive.
First I am following lots of people on Instagram whom having facial or body scars, burns or trauma. People whom are strong, they giving motivation and hope to live this life happy.
I am on antidepressants pills and some night when I can not sleep I am taking sleeping pill as sleeping is important.
I did read some books:
“Everything to live for “ by Turia Pitt
“Confidence” by Katie Piper
“Worth fighting for” Dana Vulin
“My beautiful struggle” by Jordan Bone
“Brave” Adele Bellis
And I am looking that next book can I read to make me feel stronger to rebuild my confidence and return happiness in my life.
Please stay contacted people. Good you did write here, maybe you can find some friends and people whom would understand you.
Things will get better with the time just keep holding on It and be strong. I am sure you are beautiful inside and outside too.
Hi girl, I'm crying reading your story, it reminds me mine with all the details. I was a photographer and a face model and so obsessed with all the details of human face and body, my doctor was not as detail oriented as I was and botched me in any possible way, he left me with an upturned nose, too small for my face and full of visible scars. I've never judged people by their appearance, never make fun of them but since it happened to me I receive a lot of jokes, I still try to dress up and take care of my skin and hair and it makes other people think that I'm so happy with that botched nose in the middle of my face so some of them crucially make fun of my nose to destroy my confidence which has been destroyed already, it's so painful to live in a face that you can't recognize anymore. I was suicidal for months, searching for the less painful natural way of death!, I remember that I had this conversation with one of my friends before it happened to me that what makes people to think about suicide, now I have the answer, loneliness! The loneliness of a bad plastic surgery is something that only few people can relate. I'm not thinking of suicide anymore not even searching for a revision surgeon, I'm continuing because any small positive change that I can make in this world matters, I can't accomplish the goals that I had before but I'm trying to create new goals considering my new situation.
I would be happy to talk to you sometimes with my poor English 🙃
I have a condition called “Plagiocephaly” and it has affected everything from my jawline, chin, ears, eyes etc. I know how you feel, but stay strong girl! ♥️
I'm sorry to hear about this but well done for sharing your story on here. This is the first step to feeling better.
You're right, beauty isn't everything but it does play a big role in how we feel about ourselves. It is perfectly understandable that it has impacted you this much. However, please have hope. Sometimes you just need to let go of the past so you can live a better future. Think of your new appearance as a sign to people that you are strong.
So... don't lose hope. Even in times when things seem like they will never get easier, just believe that they will. Remember: you are stronger than you believe and more beautiful than you could imagine.
Don't forget to seek support whenever you need it and keep smiling😊
i had been in a very similar situation. There was a long way of understanding and devastation and i quite frankly thought about your post ever since you posted it quite often. I do not know how correctly approach the topic - as it affects me, too and brings up horrifying memories.
While recovering (and still) I have started this website: facialdisfigurement.info which is like a blog or something. I did not know this website here and hoped for people to find a source of film, podcast, paintings and text that can help them overcome and share their experience. Maybe you want to write a blogpost in the public diary or watch one of the movies that helped me.
It's still a bit chaotic there. But I'am currently cleaning up the clutter. So I hope it helps you and maybe even you can write something that tell people that they are not alone, that it had happened before and that they survived and lived happy lives!
Don't give up fighting. This is a huge test of resilience and a very questionable proof of live. The struggle you face is valid. Just make sure you find a safeplace.
Hi Im so sorry u Are going through this . I am too i have been severly botched by eyelid surgery and have become a recluse i cannot recognise myself in the mirror
It’s tough, especially if people are so disgusting they think it’s ok to call you names. I tore my face wide open last summer in a cycling/car accident and needed 100 stitches inside and out. I’m still healing but it’s getting better every month and I’m starting to feel better about myself. People either don’t notice it or just say it looks cool if they do so it’s not bothering me too much these days. And it could have been worse, I was lucky not to end up in a wheelchair with a broken neck (helmet saved me). Keep going, hopefully things will get better for you
Hello. Thank you for sharing your story. You have been so brave. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I want you to know that you are not alone.
Six years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life. I had surgery to correct a deviated septum but stupidly I just went along with other changes to my nose, without thinking. As a result, my front profile changed including my smile which I loved. Over the years, I have felt traumatised by the surgery. I no longer feel like my old self when I look in the mirror and avoid taking pictures. I feel I have lost a part of myself. The feeling is like grief, grieving for my former self combined with feelings of guilt and shame. Two years ago I suffered from an extreme episode of anxiety because of this. I was ruminating over my nose, day and night. I couldn't focus on work, watch TV or leave the house as I all I thought about was my nose. Instead of looking at other people's faces as a whole I just looked at their nose! I developed body dysmorphia. I am an ex medic and so had seen patients suffering with depression/anxiety. Never did I think I would be on the other side. I now understand what psychological pain is. But I believe there is hope.
The things that continue to help me over the years:
1. Regular therapy - I am still having this now.
2. Exercise, especially walking outdoors in the countryside.
3. Listening to spiritual/inspirational talks
4. Telling myself that this experience is somehow shaping me to become the best version of myself- stronger, more understanding.
I really hope that you are feeling better than you were a month ago when you wrote this post. You have been incredibly strong and have shown resilience. Please do not lose hope. If I can help in anyway or if you want to just talk, please get in touch.
Hi! I'm not sure you will get this but I am going through the exact same thing! I was so insecure about my nose being too big. So I opted for a rhinoplasty that ruined my face. It was so aggressive and left horrible scars. I too cannot leave my house I've developed multiple mental illnesses. I can't do anything. I cut myself and dream of suicide. If I didn't have a daughter I would end it. Triggering to look at old pictures. Hating myself for not loving what I had. If you need to talk I'm here going through the same mayarosline @ gmail.com
Hi, I’m so sorry this happened to you (also).... I can relate to this so much. I’m a 36 year old man and I had my revision nose surgery (which I should never have had and the surgeon should’ve told me so) completely botched.
I feel all the things you do and my life has been completely taken away from me. On top of everything it has resulted in childhood bdd returning and deep depression, insomnia, self harm, self-medicating and suicidality.
The history I’ve had with it all is long and torturous, from having a childhood injury which deviated my nose, having a good first surgery 16 years ago which gave my life back, then getting injured 5 years ago looking after my drunk friend which re-started it all again..., and then finally to get botched by a well-marketed “specialist” 1.5 years ago.
I’m so so sorry you have been through this, believe me I understand and know how isolating and regretful it all is.
I’ve lost love of my life, all my dreams of relationships/family (I can’t even contemplate that anymore), my personality/confidence, my career and hard earned savings... and just general hope and direction in life.... all because of this silly mistake. As low as it gets unfortunately. But, I’m trying to fight on for the sake of my family so they don’t have to feel the pain I live with, it’s what keeps me trying and fighting. But it’s hard, and no one really knows that truly as i don’t think they understand and also people have their own worries in life, so I don’t want to burden them further.
I just wondered if you found any support groups or any help? I’m desperate (and really want to get it fixed in all honesty, but know I’ll never have my face back because this surgeon was so aggressive, nothing like morphs or the plan).
Hope this finds you better than when you wrote this and please do know there are others out there like myself who understand, want to help and / or listen.
Would be great to find a platform for support as no one else truly understands how this feels and how painful it is.
Hi R1kp, thank you for opening up and sharing your story here. I can see from what you've shared that you've been through a great deal. It's good that you're reaching out to connect and also offering positive words of support to others.
I also wanted to let you know that if you're looking for support we have a number of services you might find helpful to support you with you're appearance-based issues. You can find out more about what we do here: changingfaces.org.uk/advice....
I felt this in my core. I was botched and I totally understand how you feel. It is all so traumatizing. I would love to talk to you. Please message me.
I have only just joined and your story is the first one I came across. I’ve had three rhinoplasties, each one worse than the one before. I’m completely devastated and don’t even recognise my face any more. It was a huge mistake that I’ll regret until the day I die
Hi LowSelfEsteem - welcome to the community, I'm glad you've found us and have started connecting with previous threads and others who've been through similar things. It sounds like things have been pretty tough for you. I hope you'll find this forum a supportive space!
Welcome! So brave of you to share how you feel, I know exactly how it is as you can hear! I can’t recognize myself either and the depression is only getting bigger and bigger. I will regret this every day
I’m so sorry. The same happened to me, botched in a London by a doctor with an excellent reputation. I’ve had three surgeries now and my face is ruined. I don’t recognise myself in the mirror. I’m completely traumatised. I am so sorry for anyone who has experienced this. It’s hard, it really really is.
We are a lonely group, those of us who have been botched by plastic surgery. It’s very hard to escape the personal guilt of choosing to alter ourselves even when a surgeon is to blame. I would guess there are thousands and thousands like us, lives changed forever by bad plastic surgery. The trick for me is trying to learn to give up my old face and stop longing for this to be a bad dream because it isn’t, it’s reality for a lifetime. Give up the old face, accept that it will never be right and STILL enjoy the beauty of an autumn day, the warm taste of a good coffee, the feel of the piano keys, the joy of a good book, the creativity of writing, the touch of my husband’s hands and my children’s hugs. Those things that we have been gifted are still with us. There is still life to live, hope to be found and happiness that may find us when we least expect as long as we open our arms to the next day, and the next. We are NOT our faces, we are the heart beating, the eye blinking, the mind thinking, the soul that loves.
it is difficult - I have a similar story - but years later I have a life on my own which I try to enjoy - I think my life might have been different and I might have had better relationships but there is nothing I can do about the past - you too will find your own way in time , so just keep on keeping on , good luck .
Welcome to life change, Botchedgirl! You've come to the right place. Live day by day, don't give up on this beautiful bunch. Our arms are open to hug you and welcome you just as you are because WE UNDERSTAND. No more rejects, you've just met your other family!!
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Hope this helps
Lip vitiligo, anxiety/depression/suicial thoughts from the many stares I get, people who look away from my face & bite theirs in concern
post surgery blues
Down days 
Cancer removal - tip of nose - botched reconstruction 
