Hope this helps: Hi I've been wanting to tell... - Changing Faces

Changing Faces
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Hope this helps

rapture4u
rapture4u

Hi I've been wanting to tell my story about myself for some time to the community, but It's difficult to put into words. I was born with a birth defect because of a difficult birth, forceps were used and this resulted in cranial deformation, caused by the skull fissures fusing too early. So I have a misshapen and a asymmetrical appearance to my face, head and ears. I was told by my mother that when she was heavily pregant, my abusive father had hit her in the stomach and this probably led to the difficult birth, also as a baby, I fell from a chair onto a concrete floor hitting my head. Later in life I struggled with mild learning difficulties, meaning I was always last in tests at schooll, and was always exempted from playing football because I struggled with coordination and concentration. It didn't help by being bullied constantly at school because of my birth defect, but when you get bullied you rely on your parents for comfort and help, but my father was a covert narcissist and unfortunately this behavior effected my mother, so I grew up in an abusive family, so I was bullied at home. If you don't know what a covert narcissist is, it is a truly terrifying experience, the constant shaming and blaming. By the time I got to my mid teens, I was a nervous wreck, had no self esteem and no confidence to face the world, and I failed academically when I left school, because I hated school so much and had no support from my parents, and also it was impossible to have any relationship (courting) at all that, usually part of growing up at that age. Because I had no qualifications, I struggled to find work and I tried my best, working in manual jobs, but I was always bullied at work and it was very difficult to hold down work, eventually after 20 years I had a total nervous breakdown because of bullying and not feeling valued as a person, yearsof feeling not wanted, and a word some people on here might be familiar with, feeling ostracized. I have been on long term sick because my past, I was diagnosed with PTSD, paranoid personality disorder, depression and acute anxiety, so I am unable to work and have to rely on benefits at this present time, which is something I don't relish. Over the last ten years has been a rollercoaster, with the familiar diatribe daily nasty comments when I have to go into the wider world, some are quite hurtful, such as freak and weirdo and all the other negative puts downs and shaming, then sometimes this triggers suicidal thoughts and on occasions, self harm, but I try to turn it around by doing things that I like, with hobbies, watching old movies and on good advice, doing meditation, which can help with mental problems and stress, also it helps to avoid negative and toxic people, because I had my fair share of fair weather friends in the past, peolpe who turned out exactly like my father, so I try to socialise with positive people, because every little helps and this keeps me going.

Kind regards

Rapture4u

10 Replies
oldestnewest

Thanks for posting. I can relate to some of your trials. Fontanelle thought to have closed too soon, learning disabilities, parent’s lack of supportive parenting skills, the resulting effects on one’s self esteem growing up. It is a hard row to hoe. It helps to hear you are not alone & have put up with from the sounds of it far less. I wish you a good year.

Hi, I can see why that story would've been difficult to share but I'm glad you did. It's the first time I was moved to tears reading a post, but I could picture it all and was disgusted by the unnecessary cruelty even into your adulthood. Unfortunately those of us who have spent significant time with a narcissist can tend to attract more, but I'm glad you've found positive outlets and I hope you find some support here as well. Thanks for being brave enough to share with us.

rapture4u
rapture4u
in reply to MiaBrown

Hi Thank you Mia for your kind reply, you have strong empathy, unlike those with narcissist traits, I feel sorry for them, but their beyond help and like my father, I no longer have contact because it's the only way to heal from years of toxic abuse, is going no contact with him and all others I know who are like him, so I have a better chance of getting better.

Your story really is almost identical to mine except i have positional plagiocephaly and not because of a suture that closed to early. Birth is always a bit harder first time synostosis and plagiocephaly often happen if your first born. Baby's have to be checked for torticollis/plagiocephaly etc. If yours is a closed suture its impossible that its your dads fault but i can imagine what of a *** of a father he was to you, i have such a mom. Can i ask you wich suturehas closed? I think all are fixable exept the lambdoid suture.

Kind regards and stay strong ❤️

Hi Vinnie I recently had an MRI scan and the consultant mentioned that because the forceps were used through a very difficult birth it distorted my skull to the left I The consultant never mentioned the sature, but Clarrrisa mentioned above the Fontanelle must have been effected. Although the consultant mentionedi caused slight deafness in my left ear and it has effected blood supply to my brain.

I don't know if my condition is fixable, but I'm sure it isn't available on the NHS.

Thanks

It all depends but you can always try contacting surgeons. I have the same thing going on do you have one eye slightly more in front ass well as one ear in front? Because if thats the case its more likely to be plagiocephaly. Its always ok to have a second opinion from a doctor i had to go to 3 different ones before i realy knew what was going on and it even took longer before i found someone willing to try surgery on me because it comes with some risks.

Kind regards

My right side ear and eye is slightly distorted to the front, and the left is more distorted to the back, so my ears look asymmetrical and for some reason, my right eye is so much weaker than the left and my left ear canal is very narrow, causing hearing problems, because of the distortion of my craninum at my left side. It's all very complex, maybe I should ask for more advice and opinion from doctors and professionals, to explain my condition further. Your info is very useful and helpful.

Thanks

EllieChangingFaces
EllieChangingFacesAdministrator

rapture4u, thank you so much for taking the time to tell your story here. It's understandable that you'd find it difficult to put into words, given everything you've been through, but I'm sure that many people are glad you did. I've sent you a private message.

I'm really glad to hear that despite the challenges you've faced, and the cruelty from others, you haven't lost faith in finding supportive, positive people, or turning things around by doing things that bring you joy. It seems like you've found lots of things that make a difference to your mood, which is great! I also find that watching familiar, comforting movies makes me feel better when I'm struggling.

It sounds like your story has resonated with the community here already, and I hope you find this a welcoming space to share your experiences and get support.

Have a lovely day.

- Ellie

AlwaysSmiling
AlwaysSmilingCommunity Ambassador

Hi, well done for finding the courage to share your story. Sometimes this can make you feel better because it is like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

I'm so glad that you are able to find things to keep you happy. I agree, surrounding yourself with positive people can make a huge difference. I also find that meditation helps like you mentioned.

Best wishes for the future and continue to act in a positive way!!👍🏻😊

younique
youniqueCommunity Ambassador

Rapture4u. I'm sending you the biggest hugs. Your story, in many regards, is similar to my own. I too have a misshapen skull. I read before that many people with visible differences struggle academically not because we are any less capable, but because the insecurity we typically feel over it affects our confidence and concentration. And being bullied, teased, belittled adds insult to injury. I'm sorry you've had so much more to deal with in life than others. It just doesn't seem fair. I also think it's not fair that a consequence of your troubling experiences has been psychological trauma. It appears to me that you've gone through life, managing as best you can with what you've been dealt, only to then have to carry around another stigma due to society's general misunderstanding of mental health. I hear you. It's hard. I'm glad you're able to get financial support so you don't have to be forced to take a low paying job only to be mistreated in the process. I've always thought, even if an employer claims to be EOE, it doesn't mean that the employees are inclusive or even care about equal opportunities. And that is what we have to deal with daily, working in an environment with people who often aren't exposed to "different". Working with people who are rewarded for competitive attitudes that don't take into consideration others' feelings or limitations. It definitely gets one stick in a rut, thinking you are unqualified when really it's just that you never really had a chance to be on an even playing field with others. I have more to add but for now I'll just say, I'm glad you are here and thank you for sharing your story. 🤗

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