How my understanding has been changed...

[Kellan38]

Since I joined this and a couple of similar medically themed forums, my understanding of various illnesses - but chiefly illnesses to do with the liver - has radically changed.

Prior to joining these sites I believed in the following ideas and assumptions, all of which I now know to be untrue:

1. That if you have blood tests at your GP surgery, and of these come back 'OK', then its safe to a assume there's nothing wrong with your liver, and you can carry on with the booze:

I have a friend who is (to me) a fairly heavy drinker, and he is perfectly happy to drink 5 or 6 pints a night when he goes out knowing (quite wrongly in my opinion) that until his blood tests are completely off the scale and/or he has developed the class 'tell tale' signs of a failed or failing lover, then he is totally OK. I also used to believe that but I certainly don't believe that now at all.

2) That unless you have all the classic 'nasty' signs of a cancer or of cirrhosis or of any serious diseases then you can very safely assume that you don't have the disease at all:

I now know this to be untrue, also, and this has been one of the most frightening misconceptions I have ever had, and I have come to experience that that 'cold fear' that only health anxiety sufferers like myself will appreciate when their previous assumptions of 'safety' were shattered by reading the phrase 'You may have some or none of these symptoms', The 'or none' phrase in that line carries the power to terrify me in that it immediately prompts the question, 'Then how then can I ever be sure that I'm OK?', as I'm sure it has also prompted this in a multitude of other anxious people.

3) That once you cut down your drinking to practically zero, or completely down to zero itself, the all your problems will be over, and things such as your little ailments and other funny symptoms will toe the line and either simply disappear for ever, or will gradually fade away within a couple of weeks or a month at the very latest:

This, again, has been far from true with me, and my problems and my symptoms have both increased considerably since I started to 'behave', and every forward step I try to take seems to be challenged and contended against by factors outside my power to fully control.

………….

I'm sorry if I sound to be whingeing but I know this is the one place at least that I can be pretty honest in, so I feel pretty safe in saying that I'm just totally fed up today, and can barely be bothered to keep on trying to sort myself out.

Tomorrow will, I hope, be different, and I'll be back on my feet again and trying, but if anyone offered me a pint right now (which they won't because I'm on a break at work) then I think I might struggle to find the will to turn it down.

Here endeth the whinge...

Regards

Graham

[Hidden]

"Days Like This"

When it's not always raining there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch

Well, my mama told me, "There'll be days like this"

When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh, my mama told me, "There'll be days like this"

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this

When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this

When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit

Then I must remember there'll be days like this

There'll be days like this

When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks

When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks

When it's nobody's business the way that you wanna live

I just have to remember there'll be days like this

When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this

When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this

When you ring out the changes of how everything is

Well, my mama told me, "There'll be days like this"

[Kellan38 in reply to Hidden]

Just as long as if it's just one day and not several, it could be said to be bearable...

[davianne in reply to Hidden]

Great post Ofeckman 👍👍👍, brings back memories 🤔🤔🤔

[CocoChannel]

“....your little ailments and other funny symptoms will toe the line and either simply disappear for ever, or will gradually fade away within a couple of weeks or a month at the very latest:”

I’ve never heard anyone say that, Graham. It took eight months off the booze before my fatty liver aches went away.

I probably had more aches and pains initially too. I didn’t have the benefit of the wine anaesthetic every evening.

You know you’re thinking too much about all this.

[Kellan38 in reply to CocoChannel]

Hello CocoChanel

Thank you for your reply. I think we both know I overthink things, and I wouldn't do it if I could avoid it, but I think I'm just biologically wired to being like this and I couldn't be any other way if I tried..

I'm also prone to writing sentences like the one I've just written above that tend to run on and threaten to go off at a bit of a tangent which runs the risk of the reader losing track of what I was originally trying to say. The previous sentence was, of course, just another silly example of the same...

Regards

Graham

PS...Thank you very much for the serious points you made despite the apparent silliness of my reply...

[Hidden in reply to CocoChannel]

I'll 2nd that. ☑️

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

I’ll third it

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

i'll take the 4th

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

I reckon there might be a 5th who has already taken it and is keeping stum or he’s asleep 🙂

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

That's hilarious. I wondered about that.

[davianne in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Who on earth could that be Miles.....just curious😊😊😊

[ThreeSmiles in reply to davianne]

Do you David, when I wrote that I definitely had a particular forum person in mind - and now, you can guess what, I’ve forgotten who it was!! If it comes back to me I’ll post here !! What a dopey head I am.......

[davianne in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Me too Miles.....I think it's an age thing, or maybe HE🤣🤣🤣

[Hidden in reply to davianne]

Maybe Miles is secretly a high ranking Diplomat.

[davianne in reply to Hidden]

You could be right Fili, there's definitely something covert going on.

At first, looking at his profile picture, I thought he was the Red Baron,

but then I remembered the Fokker had 3 wings🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Hidden in reply to davianne]

The plot thickens. If the fokker has three wings, maybe he is the Archangel Miles

[davianne in reply to Hidden]

No, I don't think so, his name was Gabriel, but he could be incognito.

I hope we haven't blown his cover 🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♀️🕵️‍♂️🕵️‍♂️😊😊😊

[Hidden in reply to davianne]

We'll have to leave him out in the cold then. Agents are no use after their cover's been blown.

[Hidden]

It doesn't sound like a whinge at all to me Graham.

But it doesn't make sense to me. I get you're feeling rubbish today. But I don't get why you say you'll start trying again tomorrow. You've never stopped trying if what you say is how it is?

We all know what fear is like. We all have times when we can't stop worrying. We all know there's loads of tough stuff out there and we can't do a damn thing to stop it if it happens to us. That's why we have to be kind to ourselves, laugh at ourselves and each other. No one has any guarantees about life and health. It's thinking that we could or should be in control that causes us most harm in my opinion. I hope you can let yourself off the hook.

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

Too right and well said filly 👍👍👍

[CocoChannel in reply to Hidden]

Oh yes, I was just thinking the other day. Having wasted years as a fat alco, I’m now slim, healthy and very active despite having just entered my fifth decade! That time to live is right now. When I’m 85 (I might just get to that age!), these years are the ones I’ll look back to with the best memories. No way am I going to mope around worrying about my fatty liver aches, and you want to see the list of sporting injuries I’m building up now I can run and stuff. No moping here 😇

[ThreeSmiles in reply to CocoChannel]

Nope - we know you and your 5k runs coco! Here’s me trying hard not to mope as well! 🙂.

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

run with your own skills like you do already - same outcome -

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

My skills - such as they were - have long since abandoned me 🙂

[Hidden in reply to CocoChannel]

Life is definately for living! I went mad yesterday and brought myself 2 wigs🤣😊🤣! A pixie red look which my hubby chose and another which is my favourite it has a darker top fading into a nice blonde.... your thinking why, well I've always wanted thick hair and I now have the best of all worlds so I'm grabbing life by its ... 🤣

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

hair?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

What your question Filly ?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You say your grabbing life by the ?.... I wondered if you're grabbing it by the hair.

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

Fibber!!

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

honestly, hair.

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

Huh! I suppose I could say I believe you but thousands wouldn’t....but I don’t 😀

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree with Miles 'hair' come on filly... ⚽️⚽️⚽️ .....lol

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

no, really. And long straight hair...

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

I hope you warn hubby first.....

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Yes of course Miles, he even crawled out of bed to come with me ! 🤗

[Hidden]

Now come on Graham! Listen to my friends above who are giving you great advice as most have been or are in your situation and have recovered from the dreaded drink!

For YOURSELF be strong and don't drink anymore of that poison as you NOW have lots of friends who understand how your feeling on here who will try there best to support you, but will also give you a wee butt kick if you're a naughty lad ...... That's me joking by the way🤣

Take care my friend and listen to others comments on here especially if you want your life back and to feel more happier again.

The British Liver Trust have a great web page and help line too if you cannot get the answers you want from this wonderful team of caring funny people.

Bye for now and here's a hug !

Shropshire Lass ❤

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

Absolutely brilliantly said Trishi - and very kindly put indeed 👍

[Kellan38]

Thank you , ShropshireLass2019: All comments duly noted and very much appreciated...and thank you for the hugs, which are very gratefully accepted..

and

Thank you, ThreeSmiles: I’ll try to be a little bit quieter today...

Love and hugs to both...

Graham

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Kellan38]

Lol Graham - you may get in the Guinness Book of Records - but Please don’t go and celebrate - unless it is with coke of course - like Ant (who’s that I hear you ask....) 🙂

Oops - I deleted the post to which Graham is referring - I said that Graham might have set the record for the most posts in a day - but I though it might be misconstrued, so deleted it! Too late was the cry obviously- sorry Graham!

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Ah that now makes sense Miles, one minute your brief message popped up then all of a sudden disappeared into that huge place called cyberspace! You do know you caused me to reboot my phone as I thought it was having another blummin wobble ..... just like my legs these days .....🤣🤣🤣🤣

Graham, dont go into hiding.... keep the messages coming as there good for your soul😁 and getting stuff off your chest ! Glad you enjoyed my hug! 😁

Bye guys as I'm off to the gym ! 2lbs down since gaining those naughty 4 😊😊 I must leave those yummy Magnums alone 👎👎👎

[ThreeSmiles in reply to Hidden]

Ooops - sorry 😕

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Ok on Oooops!

I'm happy to let everyone know that I'm feeling great today after gym visit which is a lovely feeling 🤣I think the antibiotics have kicked in😁😁

[Hidden in reply to ThreeSmiles]

Deja vu

[Hidden in reply to Kellan38]

Please don't try to be quiet Graham. Just say it, whatever you want to. You may not realise it yet, but every contribution here helps someone in some way that we don't know, or need to know. It just works. Talking. I'm not a huggy person, but I wouldn't bother replying to you, or anyone else, if I didn't wish them very well.

[Kellan38 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Filistines

I've tried to be 'huggy' a few times. but usually end up getting it all wrong and either knocking off someone's glasses (if they're wearing them) or somehow dislodging my own and/or ending up with one or both of us in the floor in trying to get such a relatively easy thing totally mixed up and wrong...

regards

Graham

[Hidden in reply to Kellan38]

Really Graham, surely your not that clumsy! My saying is practice makes perfect 🤗🤗🤗I'm a huggy person and proud to say it, I'm mush right through and its who I am 🤣❤

[davianne]

Hang on in there Graham, you have been on a very steep learning curve, and a lot of realisations of the consequences of cirrhosis. It's natural to have negative thoughts about the journey, but we all know we are on the right path.

Just keep the faith, and stay strong ........you know it makes sense.When I have these negative thoughts, I just remind myself of what my life was like before I stopped drinking, and all the extreme symptoms I had then, but no longer have now. It's true I still have some of the symptoms, but it would have been a lot worse.

No winge detected, so when you need a helping hand, you know we will always give you support.

Tomorrow is another day,

David

[Kellan38 in reply to davianne]

Today is indeed another day, Davianne, and I intend to treat it as such.

Thank you for taking the time again to respond, and you have a good day, too...

Regards

Graham

[Hidden in reply to davianne]

Nicely put David !👍😊x

[davianne in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Trish, I try 😊😊😊

[Hidden in reply to davianne]

I know you do, as your nice guy 😊

[davianne in reply to Hidden]

Aww trish your a nice Girl, also 😊

[Hidden]

Dear Graham, If you opened your replies every time one hit your post, at least you had no time for worries! I hope your day is going well and gets better.

No-Hugs Phyllis.

[Kellan38 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Phyllis

I think I need to employ a secretary to deal with all these replies. I'm really not complaining, though, because its nice that people care enough to wrote.

Regards

Graham

[Hidden]

That's really nice of you to say...

[Sydney04]

Hi Graham

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this and if your post helps to alleviate some of your anxiety or fears then that can only be a positive thing?

What isn't healthy is obsessing about what might happen and analysing every twinge or ache you may have in the worry that it is somehow liver related.

You know what to do & what to avoid so you don't get liver disease - I only wish I had been more aware and clued up on liver disease and I may not have ended up with cirrhosis but it's pointless thinking about 'what if's'.

I try to live in the here and now - can you try and be thankful for the fact that you are in good health and enjoy your life?

I've posted to you before as I know anxiety plays a massive part in your concerns over your health but if you just try to enjoy life you might actually forget to worry!

[Kellan38 in reply to Sydney04]

Thank you, Sydney04, for your reply

I do have to say that I admire you for trying to help others despite some pretty nasty problems of your own, but that, again, seems to characterise so many wonderful people on this Forum, all of whom I recognise and being undoubtedly ‘greater than I’...

As regards my own continuing problems, Inwould give anything to be free of my health anxieties, but as with the vast majority of people with this condition, I am a prisoner to my own mental make-up.

To challenge and to successfully change an entire lifetime of neurological pathways is a pretty difficult thing to do - and even more when the the fear is pressing in hard on me and countering every positive thought with a new, or a, more often, ‘recycled’ negative thought that it uses because it knows that has hurt me before.

I do so crave that that (to me) elusive sense of mental well-being that tells me everything is utterly fine and I have nothing to worry about as regards my health, but that’s not my current reality, nor has it been that way for for quite a while now.

I’m on my way out to a Christmas Fair shortly, so that might hopefully cheer me up, and I’ll be remembering what you said and I’ll be trying to ‘forget’ everything else for a little while, so please don’t think I’m in any way dismissing your advice, as that’s really not the case.

Thank you again for your help, Sydney, and a I hope we can chat again before too long....

Regards, as ever,

Graham