Drinking again

My OH was diagnosed with chronic liver disease due to alcohol 2years ago

He did not drink any alcohol from diagnosis to October when he went out and had

some beer. He said immediately that he wouldn't do it again and it was out of his system

Yesterday he went out at 12noon and came back at 01.00 he had obviously drunk beer again, tho he states he only had four pints

I am not only disappointed for me but also our two children who altho 21 and 15 yrs all share in the disappointment and the feelings that we are with little to him

He ststea he will be a long time dead and doesn't wish to be a saint .

I honestly don't think I can be taken back into the cycle of his binge drinking again

I have decided I want him to leave, he won't go quietly and will try to justify what he has done by whatever means he can

Where will i get the strength to go through this separation from? I just so don't want my children to think that his behaviour is acceptable, I feel guilty as I have really enabled his pattern of behaviour throughout their lives, and really have only realised the full angst it caused over the last two sober years .

Sorry if this is a downer at Christmas

7 Replies

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  • You should have a family meeting ( mi is him) to discuss a plan of action, then draw a line in the sand.

    The hard part is to then let him know, see how he takes it if you decide on a change or not. Judge his reaction and work off that. But remember that line in the sand.

    Only you really know what to do, I just wish you well.

  • I may suggest psychiatric consultation as well

  • I wonder if you might find suggestions from those who have been through it themselves. Have you tried Al-Anon - support for families of those with alcohol addiction. al-anonuk.org.uk

  • PS don't feel guilty. When you're living in the middle of something you cannot see what is happening. You are just coping. The two sober years have enabled you some clarity and hurray for that. Now you can see clearly and you know what you must do, what's right for you and your children. X

  • Does he have any siblings? If he does try and ask them to support you. If you ask him to leave how will he recover on his own, he's sick?

    Being sober for 2 years is brilliant and desreves recognition, but starting dtinking again is worrying.

    Sit him down with the kids and tell him that you all love him. Hold his hand and hug him. Look after him and guide him during this tempting phase.

    Please try to find the strength for 1 last push of support.

    However, be very clear to him that if he fails to stop drinking then he is sending you and the kids a signal that he doesn't care enough to save his relationship with his loved one's.

    Remember that he's an addict, and probably will not recover at all if you ask him to leave.

  • I sympathise-not a great place to but RisingSun has said some wise words-if he leaves it's pretty certain he'll start feeling sorry for himself and hit the booze big time and then its a one way ticket for sure. It's not your fault and there's only a certain amount you can do but this could just be a Xmas blip...lay the law down -it's nearly 2017. Tell him to do a dry January and if he doesn't then consider your options-presumably there's no violence as yet hopefully...?

    all the best

  • Wishing you and your family the very best.

    Perhaps you could talk with your children and see how they feel, too, especially if they are living with you both at home.

    My husband suffered liver and kidney failure in Nov 2015, since that time he has not had anything to drink except non-alcoholic beer, which his liver doctor okay'd. My husband, a veteran, has asked both his VA doctor and his liver doctor if the reason they say no drinking is due to the probability of getting back into abusing alcohol. They said yes, although the liver doctor said, once you have damaged your liver any further drinking will cause more damage much more quickly and there is no good way to know how bad the cirrhosis is at this point,.

    It is great that your husband has managed 2 years of sobriety, but I know if mine started drinking again, I would feel similar to the way you feel. Perhaps you can, after speaking with your children, get an appointment with his doctor for him and maybe the doctor can remind him that he would have a longer and better life if he can switch to a non-alcoholic beer or perhaps an anti-depressant would be of help.

    Again, wishing you and your family the very best.

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