Today, Gerald Garmin decided it was time for me to up the ante and do a negative split 8km. After some thought and discussion I decided to go along for the ride. As I was doing my dynamic stretches the rain started so i quickly decided to chuck my glasses on the side, leave my sweatband at home and put on my hat before setting off.
It very soon became apparent that I had no idea of what I was doing. I went to check my pace to ensure i didn't run my tank empty too soon only to discover, I couldn't see. No glasses. Hmm!
I continued at what i thought was a steady pace as no amount of staring at Gerald was giving me any clues at all .... just lots of blurred numbers. For some reason I decided to completely deviate from my established route and stayed on the main roads which was both a good and a bad choice. Good because i had never ran this way before and it was slightly downhill but also bad as I knew how far it was in a car which filled me with some doubt.
Eventually Gerald buzzed at me indicating that 4km was done. Oh my days. The thought then came to me that I was only half way through. Holey moley, i was breathing hard by now as well already. As a distraction (no music) i decided to ease back slightly and study my form and began to notice my left heel was slightly sore, then noticed i was heel striking on that one foot despite doing short steps and a high cadence. Strange! Do i have one leg longer than the other? Am i running lopsided? Lots of thoughts distracted me through the next few kms.
Then it was a case of do I go down the canal or head towards home. Hmm? As i needed to pick my wife up i decided to play safe and head towards home and the local estate. By now i was flagging. How much longer? Ive no idea as i cant see Gerald. Great.
Round the estate I go passing by a parked up ambulance acknowledging that the paramedics are probably giving each other knowing glances that they might very shortly be scraping me off the pavement round the corner.
Round to the school..... oh blimey, the kids are coming out for lunchtime with their parents. What time is it? Oh jeez. Look cool. Look cool. Keep form good. Stop panting. Look like a runner. Oh yes 
Past my house and onto the estate again. How much further? Come on Gerald do something ...... buzz; chime; ding dong just do something. Have you lost your satellites or what??
Eventually the run was at an end ...... and i had to continue just to ensure Strava didn't rob me of any distance. One lamp post, two, go for three to be sure.
I finished with 8.35km at an average pace of 6:18/km which i was quite pleased with. As i walked home i was looking forward to my haul of medals and trophies which would be awarded only to receive x1. Longest distance ran. Is that it?? I was quite upset at this. Gerald then decided to tell me that i was losing fitness and my run was "unproductive" ........ "UNPRODUCTIVE" !!!! You sent me on the damn run you fool.
I seriously suggest it goes in for re-programming and re-alignment otherwise it will be heading for the back of the drawer and Frankie Fitbit will be brought out of retirement. Oh yes indeedy !
week3run1 ✅. 3 x 17 mins with 1 min walks. 
How did your parkrun or (not)parkrun go?
