"There is an expression among even the most advanced runners that getting your shoes on is the hardest part of any workout." Dixit Kathrine Switzer, the first female marathon runner. Never has a truer word been said. Yesterday evening, I HAD to get out for a run. I could feel it in my bones and in my soul. My body and mind were screaming to blow away the cobwebs after 36 hours of dreadful weather, cooped up inside with kids and hubby as the rain fell, thunder clashed and wind howled. The sun had finally poked its head out from behind the clouds, and my trainers were cooing gently at me from their pen in the entrance hall.
Except Gary the Gremlin had other plans. Gary the Gremlin lives at the back of my mind. He is short and tubby, with a pasty white, hairy pot belly that flops over the top of his grainy white Y-fronts. He spends most of his time griping about how little time I give him to watch TV, and tortures me with images of my cat buried under the earth in my neighbour's garden. He pushes me to pass up on my running, then whispers in my ear that I'm a loser cos I didn't go. Gary would vote Trump if he could. Because Gary is a gremlin.
Last night he was in fine fettle, and suggested that instead of going out for a run we should just swivel on my swivel chair (his favourite game) and do some passive online running instead. Gary scratched his bits and wriggled out of his armchair onto the floor.
"C'mon", he said, fishing his Y-fronts out of his bum. "Let's grab a glass of rosé from the fridge and check out how poppypug is getting on with her training. I bet that will be just as fulfilling and exhausting as going out to do a few K's ourselves. That girl is awesome, not like you."
I argued that afterwards I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd feel guilty. Gary rolled his eyes. "You have a chest infection, and the local countryside is so full of water that I bet there are sharks swimming through the vineyards. And you are running a 10k with Kiddo on Sunday, and you know that kiddo is a lean, mean, running machine and he's going to get under the 45 minute mark this time, and you will be in the last pen, and everyone else will be budding Mo Farahs, and your bum looks awful in lycra, and your hair isn't long enough for a swooshing ponytail, and you'll only stop to hold someone's hand again anyway, and you're going to come in last swearing in English with a face redder than than your t-shirt, and the French don't hand out medals and goody bags, and this is a rubbish and pointless conversation so let's just go and get that glass of wine and some Pringles and check out how awesome Poppypug is instead".
At which point Mfam tied the little bugger to the swivel chair, put on her kit and her trainers, and set off to prove him wrong. Parts of my favourite circuit were under water, including along the tiny stream that I usually jump over to avoid little kids on bikes with training wheels hell-bent on running me over and grumpy little old ladies with slipper dogs on horrid extendable leads. I'd have needed a kayak to do that part of the run yesterday as the tiny stream had morphed into a full sized river (see pic), so I decided to opt for a short and simple 5K 'out and back' trip.
But when I got to the point where I should have turned back, I decided to push on. And on. And on. And boy, was it good. When I got to the next town I turned around and came back. Result: 10.15 k in 1h 6 minutes. Sod Gary, I'm ready for tomorrow. Last pen or not. Gary isn't talking to me any more, and the 5k comfort zone is now part of the past. Now it's time to get my 10 k PB below 1h (current PB 1.02.19) then up the mileage. Bring it on. Nice tag, there... I seem to have got myself a reputation.
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mfamilias
Graduate10
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I love this post! I now have a good mental image of Gary and I love the fact you ignored him. He is nothing. You, on the other hand, are a legend as well as a fast runner 🙂🏃🙂 Haha! Love it.
Any development on your cat? I fear the worst after your comments in your post. So sad Mfam.
Mfam - that has got to be one of the funniest posts I have read on this forum!!I love that you tied Gary to the chair, serves him right! And well done on a fantastic run - you will smash it tomorrow!🙂x
Gary sounds revolting...absolutely awful! No wonder, you got rid of him... I am sitting here with a complete mental image of him.. I once had a neighbour who was a bit like Gary.. ( not sure on the y-fronts). Yuksters!
What a run! Blimey you are a star! Good luck for tomorrow..not that you will need it..
Yeah, you showed that Gary who's the Boss ! You showed true grit and determination getting out there after the floods and a chest infection , and I totally agree , the hardest part is getting your shoes on and getting out of the door.
It would be so easy to heed the million and one reasons in your head trying to talk you out of it . I always think " If I don't go, how would I feel ? "
And the answer is ALWAYS " I would feel c*ap and so annoyed at myself that I didn't go "
You are sooo ready for tomorrow, and yes YOU will be AWESOME !!!!
Hope you and Kiddo have a great race and most of all, enjoy it !! xxx
Gary was still hard at it yesterday morning - I was pooped from coughing at night, and he would have preferred breakfast in bed. I just love the feeling of getting back home and sticking one finger up at him, though.
I love Gary! What an image - he just sounds so revolting! I think you have a definite person in mind when you describe him. My gremlins are more like the ones in the film. Glad you defeated him! You could have taken him and thrown him into the river.
I fear however he will be back😎 But not for a while!
I DO have a specific person in mind when I describe him, you are right. But his name isn't Gary - I call the guy "Gargamel", (the bad guy in the Smurfs) and he is my horrible neighbour who showed his willy to the post lady. Bet you wish you didn't ask now.
Oh, that's just his most recent offering to the community. Gargamel is a singularly exceptional being. Other examples include putting planks with nails in them on the lane to burst car tyres, ripping the handle off the tap on our water supply, ripping up the plants in our garden, and finally insulting and threatening my son (after which he had a visit from the local police).
Gary is no longer tied to his chair. He is presently looking out of the window (my right ear), picking his nose and scratching his belly. When I'm already procrastinating, his job is done.
Wow! I haven't visited this site for a long time. I've been sitting here procrastinating about going for a run and have absolutely loved reading this post! Your description is absolutely ace and I'm really glad that Gary is sulking with you. Long may it continue And what's with the cocaine? Is Gary adding a sneaky one in there for you? I couldn't see where you'd mentioned that at all
This is a brilliant post Jo. Well done for smacking that Y-front wearing gremlin hard. You tell a good tale and you run a good run, AND, judging by your last photo, you have a good swishy ponytail too. xxx
I have a mini swishy ponytail - I fight with the hairdresser to have enough to tie back so that it doesn't bug me when I run. When you choose your haircut according to your running comfort, you've had it.
I had to smile at the tags! I envisage Mrs Doyle imploring you to have cake. "It's got cocaine in it. Och I meant raisins"
Lots of runners have swishy pony tails! Not me unfortunately, I saw my reflection in silhouette today and I looked like one of those penguins with the fluffy bits of hair at the sides of their heads. Sigh
Nobody has time to implore me to eat cake - I'm onto it before they have time to offer. Queenie has a swishy ponytail. I've got a stump. If I put my running cowl over my head to keep my ears warm, it makes me look like ET.
PS. Penguins are cute. And they are also incredibly resistant, determined and physiologically resistant to long periods of migration with no food whatsoever. Be proud.
Ooh, I'm feeling nostalgic... After Brexit I'm wondering if I'll be able to get back into the UK, let alone into my native Cornwall... Hope to give it a try before the end of the year
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