I don’t want to go to my dads funeral

[Bingofox007]

seeing the celebrant at 2 this afternoon. My sister is picking me up as she knows I won’t be there otherwise. Meeting at mums. We’ve talked about the music and life stories and dad’s wishes but in my heart of hearts I don’t want to go to his funeral. I cared for him with mum for last 3-4 years, my sister didn’t. Took him to hospital appointments when he wasn’t bedbound, later, cleaned him up, laughed and joked with him, very mentally alert,we’d lock horns at times but he was always my daddy. Spent last 72 hours with him in hospital, washed his dead hands and face and said my goodbyes. I can’t see him in a coffin. I can’t be there for my mum and sister, my daughter, her son, dad’s friends. I just can’t. I know he’d understand but my mum wouldn’t. My sister and daughter know how I feel. My daughter asked if I’d regret it but I truely wouldn’t. I’ve no unfinished business with my dad, I did my utmost best to help him and take care of him. She understands. She said her dads 12 yrs ago woukd be the last one she went to but wants to see her grandad off. I’m so upset but it’s because of what’s expected of me. Help please. Did u feel like this. 🦊xx

[kenster1 Volunteer]

Hi you done an amazing job helping with his care and I'm sure he'll be thanking you from above.It's a personal choice and that has to be respected by all.

[Bingofox007 in reply to kenster1]

Thank you. I don’t want to seem like a monster or selfish not going but I’ve said goodbye. Take care and thank you for your reply 🦊x

[Bingofox007]

….and now I have shingles….🦊x

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Bingofox007

I feel so sorry for you, this is a dreadful dilemma for you.

You have been an excellent daughter, gone above and beyond in every sense of the word daughter. You've explained to your daughter and granddaughter, so now this must be your choice.

I didn't attend my Mum funeral, having been through the horror of my Dads and I don't regret it.

You have shingles, so maybe the decision has been made x

Whatever you finally do, is your choice.

We're here for you Bingofox007

Chloe x

[Bingofox007]

thank you 🦊xx

[chloe40 Administrator]

I've been thinking about you today Bingofox007

Sending strength and support x

[Bingofox007 in reply to chloe40]

Bless you that’s so kind so thoughtful. 🦊x

[Caza]

my sister & I had an extremely close relationship. She was my best friend. We spent holidays Christmas’s always together. We bought holiday homes within 2 mins of each other. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for her or her me. Her 3 sons were an extension of my own & still are. Why am I telling you this, it’s because I didn’t go to her funeral. She had a massive stroke & laid in a coma for a week. I never left her side day & night not eating or sleeping. Her sons were distraught & not able to stay long at the hospital. I was there when she died myself & her partner. I had nothing to do with the planning of her funeral or what she’d wear etc… leaving it completely up to her sons. I felt I’d done what was important to me. It was my decision to turn the machines off. I was her next of kin. The day before the funeral I told her sons & partner I wouldn’t be going. Her eldest was very angry with me. I wouldn’t & didn’t change my mind. I have no regrets. I knew having gone through the funeral just 4yrs before of my daughter in the same chapel there’s no way I would’ve been able to stay upright & the day was about my sister not me. Eyes would’ve been on me. Anyway her boys & I survived the difference of opinion & it was never mentioned again. Stand your ground like your dad my sister would’ve understood.

[Bingofox007 in reply to Caza]

Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I’m exhausted today but I thank you 🦊x