need guidance…

[Bagpuss21]

My mum died in March, 36 years after dad. Our lives were so entwined I’m struggling without her. We both needed each other after dad died, so barely left each other’s side.

I grieved for her death at the same time as dad - I’ve been so frightened of her dying at any given moment, that I’ve constantly checked she’s alive.

My heart feels ripped out. Dad died when I was 12, grieving for mum as an adult feels different from grieving as a child. Anyone gone through similar and able to guide me through this please?

[chloe40 Administrator]

Really so sorry to read of the loss of your dear Mum Bagpuss21

You are totally right, grieving for a father at 12 years of age is totally different to losing your Mum.

You invested so much in your Mum and it sounds as though you were in constant anxiety about losing her, so I am separating those two concerns, grieving your dad and anxiety.

It may help you to talk these things through with a Bereavement Counsellor, giving yourself plenty of time to address both issues. You could of course have a chat with your doctor too, who is in a position to address these.

Always good to chat here too, so I am hoping someone who has been through the same will contribute.

Sending love

Chloe<3

[Bagpuss21 in reply to chloe40]

I’ve got an initial appt with the bereavement & loss service soon; the MH team have passed their details to me.

Grief is awful at any age; surely I’m not the only person in the world who’s been through this? Everything’s heart wrenching.

[Greyone]

Hi Bagpuss21.

I remember bagpuss too as a gentle, caring character. Your other choice too in Pidgeon street also takes me back to gentle & innocent days.

I feel for you bagpuss. Grieving at any age is hard esp Younge or old. When our parents pass away with several years between as mine did as well, life seemed to heal. And having mum meant i did not grieve as much with my dad passing. My mum died when i was 54 and grieving was so difficult. But after 6 years it is easing. I have never suffered the loss of someone close as a child but i still feel for you loss.

When memories of your family weigh heavy on your heart, do come back and share again and we will help mend it. For now be gentle and kind to yourself, just like your namesake.

G1

[Bagpuss21 in reply to Greyone]

it’s vastly different. I’m glad your own grief is beginning to ease, it’s hard when you’ve got a gaping hole in your life.

[Sandradsn]

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.I lost my mum 3 years ago,48 years after my dad died.I grieve for them both and think how all our lives would of been so different if they had been together.I was an only child and had always been protective of my mum since my dad died.Yesterday doing gardening I felt so sad that mum wouldn't see my garden as she always loved it.

As time goes on the pain and sadness does ease and we are left with sweet memories of our dear loved ones.

[Bagpuss21 in reply to Sandradsn]

I’ve checked on mum most nights, while she slept: that she was still breathing. I checked on her before and after work, for the same reason. She died when dad did, when I was 12…. Every day since then, I’ve grieved her loss. Until the last year, she was unaware I checked she was breathing several times a night.

[BrahmNm]

I feel sorry for your loss of dad and mum..I understand your feeling of frightene and checking wheather mum is breathing or not with anxity. Fear of loss make us so uneasy and many time unbearabl. I lost my elder sister at her age of 42 in 2007 in suicide and 2 year back I lost my mother.I have depression since long.I feel it guilty that though I tried my utmost,depression made much care left toward both of them while they needed it.and at present I suffer depression and same time guilty of short of care because of depression. living with the loss of loved one make life feel incomplete.

Let pray God to reconcile us what he done.