Going crazy!

[LostFairy]

This is a question and a post. It's been a while since I've posted on here. Background is, I lost my father to suicide in 1997, my only daughter, 20 years old, to suicide, 2016, my mother in law, that had alzheimers dementia and i cared for, for the last 8 years of her life, in 2019. Everyone else in my life seems to have healed from these losses, but I haven't. Will i ever heal? I have depression and anxiety, like my dad and daughter did, so I wonder now if I am doomed to suffer this pain for the rest of my given life? I feel helpless and lost. I have had therapy and this is where I stand afterwards. My last hope is to reach out and try to get answers here. Someone please help me understand why I can't heal. I'm at a loss.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello LostFairy

To say sorry for your loss seems so inadequate, you've been through the worst kind of loss there ever can be and you're suffering complicated grief.

You really need to call you Doctor today and explain your feelings and sufferings, you need further help and support. In the meantime if you look at under pinned post and resources on the right hand side, you find several support agencies which you may like to contact.

I'm sure you'll have other members replying to your post too, we're here to support. {{{ hugs}}}

Chloe

[Greyone]

Hi LostFairy

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through since 1997. Even though you have had therapy (i am assuming your course has finished) , you still sound like you need more help.

I think also that your Doctor should be your next port of call. If that is difficult for you then i would suggest Cruse. They may be able to encourage to talk to your doctor or have other paths to face-to-face counselling. In the past 3 years i have spoken to them twice and found them very patient helpful.

I hope your next step helps you and hope we will see you again.

Good luck and take care

[lovetodance2018]

Hi Lost Fairy, I am glad you reached out here. I am so sorry for all your losses. That is so hard to lose so many love ones and in such a short time frame. My heart goes out to you. Grieving takes a long time for some and you should not be hard on yourself about not feeling like you have moved forward. No one can really truly get over someone. What we have are our memories and focusing on the good ones can bring us peace and joy.

I have lost a friend to suicide due to depression and I understand your concern about your depression. I have struggled with depression for over 20 years. Even felt so low at times that I thought taking my life would relieve the pain of the darkness. However, getting the right help and believing in yourself will help you move forward.

I have been on a journey of getting to know myself, why I struggle with depression, how to deal with it when episodes come, and understand that depression is a disease, due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, that affects me at times, but it does not define who I am or my future.

I find faith is my staple to life. I don't know if you attend church or watch any online sermons but that it what brings me peace in those tough times when I feel so low. I know I am a child of God. He loves me, created me, cares for me, and I am never really alone because he is by my side.

Here is an article ( cutt.ly/Cd2uRpe) that might be helpful to you. Don't lose hope. You are a precious child of God and your life matters. Don't allow the depression run your life. Try to find the triggers and believe that you can move forward. Mindset is everything. Believing in yourself and your future is important for healing.

If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to pm me. I will be praying for you and remember you are not alone. Hugs and God Bless

[GoGo_JoJo]

You have my fullest sympathies. It often feels like we get way more than we can ever cope with.

I agree that your GP should be worth a visit, ideally for talking therapies, cbt or counselling.

Learning to accept multiple losses and move forward is so hard, and especially with little support.

Hold onto the thought that we are actually given the amount of grief and hard times that we need to learn and grow in the way that our spirits need to grow. That there id a way through it but often we have to reach out (as you have) to find the way 💞

[lovetodance2018]

How are you doing this week? I have been praying for you. Hugs