The firsts without your loved one.

[Sueby55]

It would be my 14th wedding anniversary tomorrow. I didn't think it would affect me but I'm feeling pretty down about it tonight before the day even arrives. I will be visiting him tomorrow at the cemetery,not sure if that wil make me feel better or not. My son and i have just come back from Greece,a holiday which we booked with my husband. It was so hard,knowing he should have been there with us. When will these firsts stop hurting,in the 2nd year maybe. It's been nearly 6 months and still feels so raw.

[kenster1 Volunteer]

hi im sorry to hear about your loss thinking of you and the family.firsts are always the hardest but with the support of your son you will get through it.my dad just passed on easter sunday and ive not really grieved yet and I don't really know why.think of all the amazing funny happy loving years you had together maybe that will bring you some comfort.god bless and take care.

[Sueby55 in reply to kenster1]

Thankyou .

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hello Sueby55

That must have been such a difficult holiday for you (((hugs) I can't imagine how you and your son felt, so many emotions running through you. The dread of an upcoming anniversary is always painful but the first is definitely, in my opinion the worst. I hope you are managing to get through this day with the help of your son, who must be hurting too. Always here Sue.

Chloe x

[Sueby55 in reply to chloe40]

Thankyou. Yes Iv got through the day. Visited the cemetery in the pouring rain here! But my memories are around me more in my home. Yes the holiday was very hard..but we did it,and I think we both needed the break from things at home. We had sad moments there,Just like we always will. My son has just passed 10 gcses..I am so proud of him,Just lije I know his dad would be.

[Greyone]

Hi Sueby55 .

I think that you have been brave to take the holiday with your son but i hope you were both able to gain some rest despite your circumstances.

I am 1/3 through my 3rd year of losing mum and can say that i found the first anniversaries hard after celebrating them for over 50 years, but i made sure i celebrated them, made a point of remembering the many many good times and expressed my grief to those who were sympathetic - especially places like this.

I found my second year harder because I was concentrating on the 1st anniversaries, and realised that it was real and permanent and that she was not coming back.

Now in my third year, my grief and celebration is more practiced. I still have some tearful moments but i find i cope with them better and i think this will be so for the future.

I hope it will be so for you as well. I hope you both can take comfort from remembering, celebrating and visiting him on the anniversaries and talking about him as well.

Good luck and remember you have several new friends here to comfort and support you over the bumps.

[Sueby55 in reply to Greyone]

Thankyou for your kind words. It was a very hard decision to go on the holiday,where my husband should have been sitting next to me on the plane. But my son has had a hard 6 months,revising for his gcses too. So I thought he needed this break too. We both missed him terribly but we did it,and I think he would have wanted us to go. My son has passed 10 gcses, I am so proud of him. I got through today of my wedding anniversary..with lots of kind messages from friends and family too. Another first done.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Really Pleased to hear your news Sueby55 and many congratulations to your son, yes, very proud indeed.

Chloe

[GoGo_JoJo]

6 months is still so early. I feel for you, it's tough feeling at every turn there's something new to experience alone.

I hope you were able to have some good times with your son whilst away.

It is still very raw, but that's ok. You're getting there, each day the sun comes up and sets at the end of the day, but each day holds the possibility of a little less pain, a little more life, maybe joy even. Hold onto the good, happy memories, cherish the shared joy and know your husband wants you to live on and to feel joy again in the future. 💗