Grief in waves: Sometimes I feel... - Bereavement Care ...

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Grief in waves

Optimistic_22 profile image

Sometimes I feel trapped in this wave of emotions from grief. I will be fine for a week or two. Then when I’m reminded of him go into deep Despair. Feeling heavy tonight. Trying but it’s the worst feeling and really missing him. Wasn’t able to say goodbye and wish I could see him again. I wish I would of found him sooner. Sometimes I blame myself. Epilepsy was his Demise. Any words of encouragement would be great. He was my fiancé for 15 years and past away 1 year ago. 😥

6 Replies
chloe40 profile image

That's terribly sad Optimistic_22

Not having the chance to say goodbye is one of the major causes of distress in my opinion. We often feel 'if only we'd said goodbye, we'd be able to cope better' but sadly it wouldn't make any difference to how you actually feel. I wish I could say you'll feel better soon but I can't, these waves of pain will lessen as time goes by but that's not much help to you now. You will, with the support of others, get through this awful time {{{hugs}}} and Please know, we're always here for you, anytime.


Thank You for your kind and encouraging words.

chloe40 profile image
chloe40Administrator in reply to Optimistic_22

You're very welcome x


Hello Optimistic_22,

I think that in time you learn to live with your loss. This cannot be rushed and happens over time.

My partner passed away November 2014 and I still love him as much today as I ever did and I still miss him but this year I am starting to pick up the pieces and learn to live better with my loss. I feel the physical pain of loss much less now too.

I still talk out loud to my partner (as though he is still here) and tell him I love him (I still do). I have also shouted "I love you" when I have been on the beach. This has proved incredibly 'freeing' and positive. Writing a journal about how I feel has also been useful, together with poetry. I also have poems from my partner which I plan to type onto decorated paper and place in a book. I have not managed to read them since he passed away but know in time that I will read them again.

I take one day at a time, try to be kind to myself and ask for support when I feel I need it.

I wish you well Optimistic_22,


I totally can understand what you're going through. I lost my husband 4 months ago. I never got to say goodbye too. So many things I still wanted to say to him. It's the conversation I miss with him too. The waves that you talk about just sometimes come out of nowhere. I call them my 'low' days,which are still quite frequent. It's my birthday tomorrow,which I wish would just go away. So I know tomorrow will be a low day,even though I know my family and friends will rally round,just another first to get through.So I don't know when or if these waves ever stop coming,I can't imagine they ever do. Take care.

I just reading our conversation from a while back hope all is well.

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