Lonely in a crowd: Hi I'm new on here... - Bereavement Care ...

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Lonely in a crowd



I'm new on here and the heading says it all. I've recently lost my first born son. He was 35, had cerebral palsy, learning difficulties and most importantly he was my world. Everyone said what a smashing young man he was, always polite and always had a smile on his face.

I'm finding it so hard to get past the anger of him being dreadfully let done by our local A&E department who just kept sending us home the week before his death with constipation medication. The last words spoken to me by one of the nurses "there is nothing further we can do for your son here in A&E, contact your Dr if you have further concerns". 4 days later and he is dead.

35 years I looked after him day and night, if I went somewhere so did Darren and now I'm just lost and empty.

9 Replies

Gill-Please accept my sympathy on your loss of Darren. Reading about the actions of the local A&E department and the nurse's comment made me angry at them on your behalf. I hope the coming days will lessen the impact of these unfeeling people and open your heart to those around you who knew and loved Darren.

Gill2107 in reply to jaykay777

Thank you. Everyday is a trial. X


Hello Gill,

A very warm welcome to our Community.

I'm so very sorry to read of the loss of your son and worse, the way you were treated. I'm not surprised you feel angry about his sad loss. You will go through so many emotions at this time and anger is one of them Gill. You must be feeling so lost right now, having cared for him for so long and you will need a great deal of support to help you through. I do hope your Doctor has been supportive and that you have friends who understand. Did you have any support before your loss? they may offer some form of counselling for you.

We are always here for you, always.


Gill2107 in reply to chloe40

Thank you. My family are brilliant, but they are all suffering as well. I can talk easily about Darren, always with tears but we talk about him all the time.x


Hello Gill2107,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Darren and the way you and your son were treated by your local A&E department. Anger caught in my throat as I read your post so your anger level must be sky high and more.

All I can say is take one day at a time, look after yourself as best you can and ask for help and support if and when you need it.

I know CRUSE bereavement care offer bereavement counselling. They operate from local offices and you can find their telephone number in the phonebook.

Take care, thinking of you,


Gill2107 in reply to Hidden

Thank you, I did consider talking to someone but not sure it's my thing. X

Hidden in reply to Gill2107

Hello Gill2107,

Counselling support is not for everybody. It is important that you do what feels right for you Gill2107.

There is always a listening ear for you here. Take care,


Hello gill i am so so sorry for your loss of your boy no mother should have to bury her own child no matter what age...and also how badly and negligent darren was treated and yourself i know no words will console you as he was a large part of your life infact being a mother myself i know our children are half of us and are our whole world and for you to be going through this distressing time especially when it could of been avoided its understandable your angry i would be the exact same..my words to you sweetheart is im so very soŕry this has happened just take each day as it comes do what you feel you need to and know our community is here for you whenever you need to talk anytime you have come to the right place.

Love Nat xxx

Thinking of you.

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