Hi everyone! I found this site while tearfully searching the internet for anything I could find about rheumatoid and lost mobility. I am incredibly discouraged right now and I am trying to find something, ANYTHING, that will be a source of hope and motivation to keep going..
A bit about me.. I am 38, I have rheumatoid and fibromyalgia. I am also morbidly obese, (5'7", 296 lbs) and have issues with binge eating and sugar. To make the wonderful trifecta, I am an opiate addict so I cannot be treated with the pain medication that most people receive when they have the shoulder/wrist/hands/back/hips/knee/ankle and feet issues that I do.
Both knees are bone on bone and need replacing, but I cannot get this done until I have lost at least 80 pounds. I am pursuing gastric bypass but even if everything goes perfectly it is going to be about 6 months before I can have the operation. Then of course there is the time involved to drop the weight.
I am extremely depressed. I can't walk. I don't mean the can't walk like some people say, "Oh it hurts so bad I can barely walk," but they navigate their households fine and can get from the house to the car and back without assistance.. I mean, it takes me several tries and a lot of positive self talk to stand up. I cannot staighten either leg or my back. Once standing I need something or someone to hold on to while I navigate whatever tiny, necessary distance I am attempting, like, my bedroom to the bathroom or the living room to the bedroom.
I've been in treatment for the opiate addiction since March of 2013. I detoxed willingly, but only because my life had become a complete mess and I was afraid of social services taking our son away from us. Our daughter was 17 at the time and happily staying with my parents, but they were threatening to remove Son from the home if we didn't comply with everything they said. At the time sheer fear for my anxious little guy and not wanting him to spend even one night in a stranger's home kept me in line, even when I couldn't sleep, or sit, or stand or move without agony.
Things are a lot better now, familywise. Son has progressed from an extremely sad and anxious 2 grader that couldn't read social cues and was getting in trouble several times a week at school to the happy confident young man finishing up 4th grade. That is partly due to me being in treatment, partly due to Husband working on his anger issues and partly because we got Son some services he needed. DCF has been out of our lives for over a year now, thank God. Daughter is doing well also, working 2 jobs and attending school.
I'm the one whose falling apart. The only reason why I force myself out of bed or my chair each am is because to eat or go to the bathroom and even these necessities require me to psyche myself up. It hurts so much to put all this weight on my painful, shifting, clicking joints. Walking even with a walker has become so difficult I only do it when I have to. Our church, seeing how diffcult it was for me to walk, bought me a wheelchair recently.
I have mixed feelings about the chair. It's a relief to know that something important to me, like church, Dr's appointments or one of the kid's functions doesn't depend upon me being able to walk or having a really good movement day. But I also feel sad, and dependent upon Husband. And it doesn't solve all my mobility issues outside the house either. Due to the damage in my wrists and hands, I can't wheel myself so if we're out and I need to go to the bathroom, I'm up on my shaky, painful knock knees. Also we don't have a ramp for the apartment and the way the entrance is set up and the width of my chair mean that to go out of the house I need to stand up, descend three steps and then walk the 10 feet to where Husband has the chair waiting. And then when we get to the car I have to heave my bulk from the chair to the seat in my KIa. And even that little bit of movement is dreadful.
I also feel guilty for giving in to the pain. It's arthritis not a stroke or a spinal cord injury. Should I be forcing myself more?