Need your support mamas

[Riham]

I have a 18 months old son I am from Egypt but live in Dubai ,I was so happy and so grateful after my son was born but I was so worried about him as I had to go through c section 1 month earlier than my due date ,I got 6 panic attacks when I used to be with my baby alone but never made it to go to hospital as in my mind .i had some problems with my husband during this period and after everything I got better last NoVember 2015 my baby was crying for a long time and I was preparing food in the kitchen and all the horrible intrusive thoughts came to my mind .that I would stab him or suffocating him or drown him and I was so scared That I went to a psychiatrist in EGypt and he diagnosed me with deppression and ocd.he prescribed antidepressant with sleeping pill after two weeks I had a panic attack with a sever diarrhea and blurry vision we called emergency and they said I have to stop this medication immediatelyon 15th of December .i suffered from withdrawals I get more intrusive thoughts and they got worse as I started thinking I would harm myself before I harm my child.I had insomnia ,numbness and feeling of electrical shocks in head and hands.after things got worse I went to psycaitrist in Dubai as I need immediate help she diagnosed me with ppdepression with psychosis 28 th of Jan she gave me respidral but didn't work ,then I was prescribed Zoloft and seroquel And it nearly killed me .i had memories flashback ,I get more thoughts of all the harmful stories I knew and think if I do the same ,I don't feel connected at all with my life.i feel my life is unreal or it's like illusion.thanks god I never did any attempt of harming myself or my baby and I hope I will never want that,but for me the best thing in my day when I go to bed ,I don't want to get out of bed .i am so scared the only thing makes me feel there is a hope is the feeling for still seeking help which means I struggle and suffer from what I have.now I am tapering of Zoloft and don't know what to do next ,I have gone to 2 psycaitrists till now with no help.please advice me what to do I am so scared I would go crazy and act on these thoughts.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Riham

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time with intrusive thoughts. I'm not sure about healthcare in Dubai. I searched "Postnatal Depression in Dubai" and there are support groups which might be able to help with PND but I'm not sure if they can signpost you to support for your psychosis.

I'm very sorry you have seen two psychiatrists who have been unable to help you. Do you have a supportive partner or family? I'm sure other mums here will be able to comment and advise you. Intrusive thoughts are very frightening but with the right treatment and medication you can be helped. I had PP twice many years ago and so I'm not sure about the medication you mention.

Take good care of yourself. We are all here to help if we can.

[Riham in reply to Lilybeth]

Thank you so much lilybeth for your reply ,it's really awful what I am struggling right now. my partner and family are really supportive.I believe they re the only reason for being still alive.I talked today with my partner if we can see a specialized psycaitrist in London.we don't have neither in Dubai nor in Egypt specialist for pp.thank you again for trying to help me

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Riham]

Hello Riham

You are very welcome to any support here and I'm so sorry you are struggling. Intrusive thoughts are very frightening and it's good that you have support from your partner and family.

There are Insider Guides on this site "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and also a guide for partners which might be helpful. There will be other mums here to give you more information and helpful links.

It's not easy for you but stay safe and take good care.

[andrea_at_app Volunteer APP]

Hi Riham,

I know there's very little support available for you in Dubai & getting the help you need is sadly such a challenge, but have you found this organisation yet who might be able to help?

"Out Of The Blues PNI Support Group Dubai, Abu Dhabi"

Website: outoftheblues.support/

Email: [e-mail]

They do monthly coffee mornings & have a closed online forum which might be helpful for local information & support.

I hope this helps. We're thinking of you x

[andrea_at_app Volunteer APP in reply to andrea_at_app]

Here's their Dubai forum:bigtent.com/groups/outofthe...

They have a Facebook members only page here: facebook.com/groups/4061122...

Good luck getting the support you deserve & need x

[Riham in reply to andrea_at_app]

Thank you Andrea for your help I wish I had found this forum earlier things would have been so different.love and hugs

[kellyandbabykyle]

Hi Riham,

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, sounds exactly like my life. I got diagnosed with post partum physcosis when my baby was 5 days old, and I spent a month in the mbu unit.

I too had very intrusive thoughts about hurting my baby and voices in my head racing over and over to kill him, these were horrific, and didn't wanna tell any1 as u feel ur baby will get taken away. Plus like you I would rather hurt myself before I hurt my baby as I love him more than anything, although some days are so difficult as I get thoughts that I don't love him at all, and I know that's not true and it's a constant battle with ur mind.

I got prescribed quitipine, on such a low dose that it hasn't helped very much, and the professionals aren't helping me much at all. So I decided to do things that make me happy and try and regain that confidence as a mum, and as terrifying as this illness is, U Won't Hurt Ur baby, we just know they are only thoughts. Some day they will disappear.

Just remember you have come this far and it does get easier, those dark clouds lift and u start to feel a bit more like you again.

My little boy is 18 months old now and I still get intrusive thoughts that terrify me, but I'm working through this and the medication does help a little. He's such a happy gorgeous wee boy and I'm such a proud mummy :).

Take care, u will be okay. Ur a strong woman xx