I’m new to the forum and new to the illness. I have been struggling with my mental health since February when my second baby was born. I haven’t told anyone about this until recently and struggled on my own. This led to me feeling isolated and scared.
I started to feel depressed soon after the birth but thought I would be able to get over it as I had with my first baby. However, I started to feel more and more depressed and had intrusive thoughts.
I then began to hear voices telling me I am a rubbish mum and my children will be taken away. The voices also told me my husband is evil and I shouldn’t be with him.
This all became even worse last week when I had a crisis. I called the police and told them I wasn’t safe. I made false allegations against my husband (which I believed to be true at the time). These included that he had been violent and searching awful things online (not true).
Anyway, my husband was released and I told him everything. I have since been to my go and referred to the perinatal mental health team.
However, I’ve now had a phone call from children’s services and they want to come to my house. I’m absolutely terrified. I’m obviously still vulnerable and have little to no memory about anything that happened whilst I was in crisis and don’t want to say something. I don’t feel mentally well enough to speak to them on my own. And I’m so worried that my voices were right all this time.
Does anyone else have a similar experience?
Thank you
A scared mummy xxx
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Hi there, big hug to you, this must be very frightening for you.
First of all, do make sure you have support for this visit. You do not mention how your husband is handling all of this, does he understand? Is he fully supportive of you? If not, do you have a friend or family member who can step in?
I would also like to assure you that unfortunately our minds and thought processes can be totally overtaken when suffering from mental illness.
I have had PP twice, and suffered severe depression and highs at least 5 times now.
Each time I have said or done things totally out of character.
I totally understand your fear, I remember being frightened to death my children would be taken away.
Please be assured that you will recover, you will get through this, and whilst it may not be easy I am so pleased you have reached out.
Whilst we may not have had the exact same experience as you are going through we can try to help you through by sharing our experiences, you are not alone in this.
I think its important that the Perinatal team get involved quickly, have you been given an appointment?
I'm sure the intervention from Children's Services is probably routine and triggered by your allegation, it may be worth getting something down on paper perhaps, dates and so on.
I really hope you are OK, sorry to waffle on a bit.
Thank you for your reply. Sorry I didn’t explain myself very well. Yes my husband is very supportive. He has had ptsd himself so has been feeling unwell lately.
Yes I agree it’s important for the perinatal to be involved quickly unfortunately I have been told it will be after Christmas. I think it would’ve been beneficial for social services to have a discussion with them to fully understand my mental state.
I should explain also that I am a mental health nurse so I understand the system.
I just feel as though I’m not in control of anything that’s happening and just want to be normal.
That's OK, I'm glad you have that support at home and sorry you are both going through a tough time. Fingers crossed the appointment comes through for you quickly.
Hi there im so sorry to hear what you are going through. Bless you and your family. I think you should contact your gp and ask for him/her to get your local perinatal team to come out and see you. They are brilliant. They will support you. Please dont worry childrens services were probably contacted after the police were involved. They will just want to check in on you guys. Bless you things will get better xx
Hi. You can see the crisis team? They can assess you and start you on any meds etc. I think if you go to a&e when you are in crisis they will get the crisis team to see you when you are there. Try not to worry about Ss. I think it’s just normal procedure for them to check everything’s ok. We have had them afew times whilst I have been unwell. They can actually be very helpful and they always told me that they never want to separate children from their families and that’s a last resort of the child’s in danger. Just say to them that you feel you are coping with the children. Or if you are struggling say you have support in place. I found them to actually be very nice and helpful. If you have any questions just ask me x
I’m sure it will be ok. When I was really unwell I had to sign something saying I wouldn’t be on my own with the children. But I was so unwell then I couldn’t look after myself. I think they will just check you have all the help you need. Is your husband supportive? Do you have family around which can help you out abit if you are struggling? We were put on a child in need plan. So was never moved up to child protection. They just used to come see us once a week or something like that and had monthly meetings with everyone involved like health visitor, family support worker etc. Have you asked for a family support worker? That could help a lot x
That’s how I felt at the very start straight after birth in April, I thought my husband was at home with another lady as I had just given birth.... I even heard the voices of another woman on the phone ( the voices were psychosis) I kept asking him who was there with him at home and he kept replying nobody...I chose to ignore the voices and went with my gut - my hubby is the last person on earth to do such things... I told him to come to the hospital Cos I didn’t feel well and he did...then my psychosis got worse in hospital with other symptoms the next few days and weeks when I got home... I didn’t tell anyone at the time but I did get the courage a few months after when the worst of the symptoms had passed...thankfully I feel a lot better now after time has passed, trying to understand what had happened and upon consultation with doctors - I was afraid/ so anxious and had to receive anti depressants which initially I felt didn’t help, but they increased the dosage so I feel almost normal now for the past 2 months. Its quite hard sharing such a traumatic experience with anyone or even trying to remember something so negative but it is good for you to release those emotions and to get some help so you can heal faster, I’m sure child services will just check in with you to make sure you are all well and safe , also if you have family members you can ask for help, I’m sure they will support you through this time xx
Heya faylee thank you for your reply. I have been feeling unwell for a long while but like you haven’t said anything. I’m just so worried that they will think I’m lying to protect my husband which I wouldn’t do! I haven’t had my appointment for the perinatal team yet so I think social services will come before. I’m just so worried about speaking to them on my own xxx
Social services will want to offer support to you and your family to help you to stabilise with your mental health. Try to be honest about what is going on and they can discuss your situation realistically and help you to problem solve. Do you have any family or good friends nearby who can support you both through this difficult time?
Well done reaching out for help, it's a scary thing to do but often it's what means that things can start to get better, if you are able to acknowledge the things you're struggling with. I personally was fortunate that my psychosis was discovered while i was in hospital within a few hours so I had help quickly. I've just had another baby and I have had a lot of support from professionals because of PP the first time, and i have to admit that I find it hard to ask for help sometimes, but I'm trying to tell myself that it's better I ask for help than end up in a state of crisis... Pride gets in the way for me!
I am so worried. Social services have phoned saying they’re coming over tomorrow to do an assessment because of the nature of my allegations. I haven’t seen any professionals regarding my mental health yet except my gp so I’m worried they’re not going to believe that I made it up and I’m unwell. And if they do they will think I’m too unwell to look after my babies which I’m really not. I haven’t told my husband that I made false accusations about him watching inappropriate things on the internet because he will be mortified
I don’t know what to do. The voices are so much louder today with the stress.
I know that when I'm worried about something it can grow arms and legs until I speak to someone about it.
It's good that you know that the voices are in your head are not "real" although I'm sure they're still really scary. Can you phone the local crisis team or your GP to talk things through? They can help you find ways to work through this stressful situation. I am sure by the time you have seen social services you will be reassured by their visit as they will want to help.
Yes I’m actually an rmn so I do have good insight which is helpful. I hope social services are able to come without prejudging us I’ve read awful stuff.
I wish a professional could be with me during the appointment.
I've been reading your posts and I'm so sorry to hear that you have been struggling since February with your mental health but didn't tell anyone. I can understand that as during PP I had so many frightening thoughts that I didn't share with professionals for fear of what might happen next! Such a shame that your husband is also unwell.
I hope by now someone from social services has been to see you and has been reassured that your babies are quite safe and happy.
I'm sorry the voices were louder when you last posted due to stress. I heard a commanding voice during my PP which was all very real and frightening at the time. I hope the perinatal team will be able to see you asap to provide the support and help you really need.
Take care and try not to worry although not easy as it's a scary place to be in your head. Sending you a virtual hug ❤️ ...... we are here for you.
Thank you for your message. I hope you have had a good Christmas. It’s reassuring to know that others have been in a similar situation.
Social services have visited now and it went well
Command hallucinations are so scary I’m sorry you had to go through that. I hope you got the help you needed then. How are you feeling now?is your recovery going well?
I’m hoping to have an appointment with the perinatal team in the next couple of weeks. Although I am feeling much better now that I have been honest with my family and my lovely husband.
Sorry to mislead you... I had PP twice, six years apart, many years ago but it wasn't until years later after I recovered that I was told by Prof Ian Jones at APP that I had suffered PP. My episodes were during the time mental health wasn't talked about
I hope you have an appointment within the next couple of weeks with the perinatal team.
It's good that you have been able to talk openly with your family and husband so that they can understand and help you. I've realised over the years through all the support on the forum from the lovely mums here that there is no shame in having a mental illness ... we had no control and it's not our fault! Sorry ... probably being a rmn you knew that already.
I hope you were also able to have a good Christmas too after the social services assessment went well. Take good care of yourself, we are all here for each other. Xxx
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xxx
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