Fear and guilt

Seen some questions and posts about the guilt of our anxieties ruining things for our nearest and dearest. It has got me thinking...does guilt make anxiety worse? As soon as I even think about moaning about my anxiety I feel guilty, I have FB friends who have it worse - one has a child with Battens and another has a baby who recently had a tumour removed. The next guilt pang I have to deal with is telling my Aunt that I'm not going to my graduation ceremony...assuming I can pull it together on my final two hand-ins where my anxiety has been raging these past couple of months of course. What do we put ourselves through to remain mindful of others?

11 Replies

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  • Any negative thoughts make things worse,anxiety is not your fault and you must do or not whatever it takes.You are right,others have bigger issues to deal with,I use this as a positive in my fight against anxiety,my problems are minimal compared to many others.Dont feel guilty for being ill,do what you have to.

  • I agree that other people have more issues that should make us feel positive but I also think that you can't minimise how you feel about things that are important in your life.

    What I mean is that just because some people go through worse experiences doesn't mean that we should feel guilty for becoming upset or anxious about what issues are going on in our lives.

    I have been diagnosed with a brain tumour and have been told that this is the best kind of tumour to have, that others have worse than me but that doesn't stop me worrying about it, how things will go in the future etc. I do feel better that it's not life limiting but I won't feel guilty because I am concerned and feel scared because that is important to me.

    Don't feel guilty :)

  • What a selfless post Sophiecat

    Even though you have been diagnosed with BT , you still come on here & tell others not to feel guilty , as if something is a fear to them then it is important & I agree

    Takes someone special to be able to think that way , especially when they have something happening in their lives as you do

    Wish more people were like you

    I wish you all the best

    We are here if you need us

    Love

    whywhy

    xxx

  • Wow thank you so much for that. What a lovely thing to say.

    You've made my day.

    Thank you again. I have only been on this site for just under a week but it's been a lifeline to me.

    You are all fantastic

    Love Sophie

    xxx

  • Its more than a pleasure :-)

    So pleased you are finding it helpful & lovely to have you on board

    xxx

  • I agree with the previous two comments. I do feel huge guilt because I feel I'm selfish, I have to have things a certain way to minimise my anxiety but I feel that's just what we have to do, when I'm ill I have to be a bit selfish and self absorbed so I can recover. I dont think you should minimise how difficult it can be for all of us but I do feel comparing ourselves to people less fortunate can always be helpful in putting things in perspective. But definately dont feel guilty :)

  • i agree with all of you , i feel enormous guilt for my set backs in life. i had a nervous breakdown and my wife had to give up work to look after me. and our son has seen me at my worst. i still suffer from ptsd , and have only had treatment since my breakdown 20years ago.

    but my family dont blame me, i do blame myself. but thats just me and my condition . try not to blame yourself, or feel guilty, you are young and have so much to offer in life, take life as small steps and you will get to where you need to get to.

    take care

  • I've said in an earlier post about my holiday trouble that I was feeling the fear of it and now I'm not going I feel guilt. I'm trying not too but it can't be helped x

  • Oh Guilt! If depression/anxiety is the "black dog", then Guilt is it's back up terrier! Not only do we feel terrible, we feel guilty for feeling terrible - in a way we probably wouldn't if we had a broken leg or a physical illness!

    I remember reading a lovely story years ago. A very new young lecturer was worrying about her job - was she up to it, could she cope, how did she handle "difficult" students not much younger than she was? She went to her immediate boss, and poured it all out - the self-doubt, the worry, the "Am I good enough?" - etc etc. He listened patiently, assured her she was doing fine, gave her some advice, and she started to leave, feeling much better. Until, at the door, she suddenly cried "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be bothering you with my problems!" She'd just remembered - his wife was battling cancer! Her boss merely smiled at her and said:-

    "Don't let my pain detract from yours - yours is just as real!"

    What a man! What a response!

    Love

    Rose

    xxxxxxx

  • Yes that sure is a real man !

    xxx

  • so true, other peoples' pain & problems do not diminish any one else's.

    our minds are always busy,

    when we feel depressed, anxious, or worried we might not know what the reason is - our minds will find one, not necessarily rational, logical or correct. this is why sometimes we feel guilty about something from years ago.

    e.g. I was getting over flu and felt exhausted. I was also just bursting into silent tears. Into my mind came the memory of something I said in a tease to a friend 30+ years ago - she'd taken it to heart and was hurt by it. we'd sorted it the same day, but I was haunted by the memory and I couldn't shift it.

    It wasn't why I felt the way I did, made no sense, but my mind had filled in the gaps.

    sandra.

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