Today i am still taking a break from work. I've been spending my time while i haven't been there reading up on anxiety and working out a plan to go forward.
I am accepting that anxiety is part of every single person in this world, it's part of our make up, part of who we are. If we didn't have anxiety and worry about certain things we would not be human. For some of us though, that anxiety is heightened at the moment.
My issue seems to be that while i am really not worrying about anything and have always been quite laid back, my body has got itself into an anxious state and refuses to leave it. I am stuck in that state of constantly checking how i feel and any little thing that i may be feeling is analysed and so i am on a constant state of alert!
This is what i have been working on the past few days and i feel i am starting to have a breakthrough.
I have been relaxing, not thinking about being anxious. Not getting worked up about the fact that i still can't breathe in properly, my ears are ringing, i'm not hungry and i have bad tummy. These are part of my new friend anxiety and i am learning to stop questioning them. They will go when they are ready. They may pop back and see my from time to time but that just makes me human.
I also now accept that people have different levels of how they are suffering with anxiety and panic attacks. Just because i read something from someone about how they are feeling, it does not mean it is going to happen to me or i will feel like that. After all, i have asthma and not everyone with that suffers the same!
I just went to the shop to pick up some bin bags and made it there and back without a problem. I did feel a little wobbly for a moment in the shop but i am through with worrying about it, it's just adrenaline, it's just the way i am at the moment. So what if my hands start shaking, it's my anxiety coming through to say hello, i'm here, and that is fine, i'm not going to stress about it. I know it is not going to go away overnight.
Later i shall go for a short drive, i may even stop and watch the fishermen down the river. I may also not.
It's up to me and me alone what i do, anxiety will not take away my choices.