have i gone crazy?

i'm almost 20, and lately i feel like i've convinced myself that i may not be real. i know it doesn't make any sense, especially since i don't have any big actual substantial problems, i haven't broken up with anyone, or have a big eating disorder or lost anybody. in retrospect, i think this may have stemmed from the fact that i've always listened to other people's problems but i have never told anyone how i am feeling, so i turned to philosophy. when i felt the blues, i just try to focus on bigger things like the universe and it's always distracted me but for the past year i found myself thinking less and less about myself because i felt that it helped me to not torture myself trying to figure everyones problems and the mystery of the world. i started practicing not trying to find an explanation for anything and just let everything happen but when i'm alone, and i look inside, it's empty. and i keep finding myself playing with the idea that i might not actually exist, and sometimes my dreams feel more real than "life" and i feel like i could just disappear any minute. i'm not even sure this is depression at all, i just feel like i've gone completely mad. i feel like there's nothing i can be sure of, i dont know if i will wake up as the same person as i fell asleep as. i don't want to tell any one just in case this is all real and i have to deal with the consequences of placing people i care about in such a difficult position. i feel like i'm here simply by chance and that nothing i do would matter. i can't see how i will stop feeling this way, i feel like it's too embedded in my thoughts now there's no turning back. it feels really dark and i'm terrified at this emptiness

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  • You've taken the first step in asking for help by posting here.

    I'm sorry things are so dark where you are right now. I have no experience I'm afraid, but my gut feeling is that you should speak to a medical,professional. If you find it hard to say why not print out what you've written here and take it in with you?

    You might also find it helpful to look at mind.org.uk

    I hope this helps,

    Take care

  • Hi

    Don't worry. There's loads of reasons people can start feeling unreal or empty. Sometimes its simply a matter of thinking about it too much.

    It might be helpful for you to look at the distinctions between unreal feelings that are due to anxiety (depersonalisation) and difficulty telling whats real and whats not due to psychosis.

    Here's a description of depersonlisation:

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deper...

    Although that article is about depersonalisation disorder, depersonalisation is also a symptom of anxiety itself and has nothing to do with psychosis (what we'd think of as madness).

    If you feel that your thoughts are irrational or crazy, you're not psychotic. People with psychosis have delusions - that means they have unshakeable beliefs in things that are bizarre and no evidence to the contrary will move them. So they would never think of their thoughts as being irrational, no matter how weird they were.

    Psychosis is a syndrome and it can include hallucinations and disoriented thinking (like being delirious) we well.

    It's unlikely by the simple fact you've come here worried about your thoughts that this is anything except anxiety, but just because it's anxiety not psychosis doesn't mean you shouldn't go to a doctor if you haven't already. They are the best help for this kind of thing.

  • Hi there, I agree with the above answer and you are certainly not alone, I gather that depersonalisation is a common coping mechanism in anxiety sufferers. I myself have done it my whole life, but have only become aware of it the past few years when it got much worse. I find I do it to protect myself from things and people and generally situations where I feel uncomfortable, which is a lot of situations, lol. I have low self esteem too so find it difficult to be myself as myself isn't good enough etc so it allows me to shield myself almost. It's very scary though when you don't know what's going on, but when you start speaking to a counsellor about it I'm sure you'll start to work out why you do it and how to avoid it :) in the meantime let us know how you're doing :)

  • Hi

    I can relate to your feelings..of going mad.It s part of depersonalisation!you don t feel real and things around you looks unreal.I think u should look for medical help.Well done for joying us on this site, u will find quite few people with this issue have a look and u will see how common it is on this site.What Anxiousrecover answered u it s absolutely true I totally agree with her and she couldn' t t give u better suggestions and explanation.

    Good luck sweetie

  • hi moineau

    you have described exactly the way I was before seeking help. I too had no reason to feel as I did. Get along to your GP. If you let this feeling continue you'll end up lying in your bed not sure if you are awake, real, asleep or imaginary. It can be a very scary time. I hope you have support around you.

    sasa

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