i'm almost 20, and lately i feel like i've convinced myself that i may not be real. i know it doesn't make any sense, especially since i don't have any big actual substantial problems, i haven't broken up with anyone, or have a big eating disorder or lost anybody. in retrospect, i think this may have stemmed from the fact that i've always listened to other people's problems but i have never told anyone how i am feeling, so i turned to philosophy. when i felt the blues, i just try to focus on bigger things like the universe and it's always distracted me but for the past year i found myself thinking less and less about myself because i felt that it helped me to not torture myself trying to figure everyones problems and the mystery of the world. i started practicing not trying to find an explanation for anything and just let everything happen but when i'm alone, and i look inside, it's empty. and i keep finding myself playing with the idea that i might not actually exist, and sometimes my dreams feel more real than "life" and i feel like i could just disappear any minute. i'm not even sure this is depression at all, i just feel like i've gone completely mad. i feel like there's nothing i can be sure of, i dont know if i will wake up as the same person as i fell asleep as. i don't want to tell any one just in case this is all real and i have to deal with the consequences of placing people i care about in such a difficult position. i feel like i'm here simply by chance and that nothing i do would matter. i can't see how i will stop feeling this way, i feel like it's too embedded in my thoughts now there's no turning back. it feels really dark and i'm terrified at this emptiness
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.