I’m hyper-aware of my existence and it’s freaking me out!!!😣

[Danlok]

Hi everyone, I’m Bayanda, a 22 year old male.

What I’m currently experiencing is something that has been going on for about seven years now.

Every now and then for weeks on end, I become hyper/overly aware of my existence and that I am alive. I become aware of the fact that I’m experiencing my sense of self inside my physical body (and that through my eyes, I view the world around me from this vantage point). it's like my existence doesn't make sense and i can't quite believe i am here, living in this world. It's like every now and then for long periods of time, a switch in my brain turns on & I become aware that I am a living being, existing in this body of mine.

It’s like I suddenly realized that I'm human and alive.

I also become hyper aware of the fact that i’m looking out of my own eyes. Like, I become aware of eyesight and how i see. I become hyper aware of the fact that we as humans see like this: vm.tiktok.com/ZMYJDuRKd/ , and that we can’t see or look at our bodies from that same perspective or another one[like you can with a video game character or an OBE]. The fact that I see through my own eyes among other things has just been weirding me out.

This hyper awareness always puts me in a state of panic/fear/anxiety and I often get frustrated or sad at the fact that I cannot stop myself from being THIS AWARE. It’s like I’m conscious/aware of my own consciousness!!

I don’t like being this aware!!

A really good but not 100% accurate example of what I’m talking about with regards to the hyper awareness of my existence is this TikTok [I don’t feel relaxed like the person in the video, I usually start panicking immediately after the hyper awareness]: vm.tiktok.com/ZMY13nWJx/

This is another good example: healthunlocked.com/anxietys...

[SN358177]

What you are experiencing is deperosnalization/derealization (DP/DR). It's horrific and I can relate to everything you've wrote, I've been through the worst and had several relapses, eventually you learn to just accept it and face your ultimate fear.

It's usually brought on due to stress and anxiety. Get out for some fresh air if you can to ground yourself and try to relax.

You'll be okay, hang on in there, I know how scary it is but you're not alone.

Take care 😊

[Danlok in reply to SN358177]

knowing I’m not alone is very comforting.

Doesn’t DP/DR mean that you feel detached from reality (among other things)?

[SN358177 in reply to Danlok]

It does, that's more derealization though. What you're experiencing sounds like depersonalization.

I don't know how much you know about the disorder but there's some good YouTube channels, websites, reddit subs etc with lots of information and experience of others.

I'd recommend Swamy G on YouTube.

[Danlok in reply to SN358177]

I feel like it’s depersonalisation coupled with something else. Here are some good examples of what I’m experiencing (pay attention to the sections that talk about the hyper awareness):

healthunlocked.com/anxietys....

dpselfhelp.com/threads/over...

mumsnet.com/talk/feeling_de...

patient.info/forums/discuss...

patient.info/forums/discuss...

[itssssf in reply to Danlok]

going through this rn … i felt good for the past few days and feeling a bit weird again .. how are you now?

[Danlok in reply to itssssf]

Hey there, it went away for like a week after I made the post and came back. I’m still experiencing it even right now and it’s so bad🫠. After almost a year of experiencing it nonstop, I’ve made an appointment with a psychiatrist to see if there’s even a solution to it. Keeping your self busy does help a tiny bit in making you forget or ignore the feelings that come with the hyperawareness.