I know I’m being ridiculous

[kv3011]

My fear of abandonment is getting ridiculous. I have been talking to this guy for like six weeks, and we been hanging out every Saturday since. I had to cancel this Saturday on him and I’m freaking out that he’s going to hang out with another girl and leave me. It’s one day that I can’t hang out. I know realistically this is not going to happen but I can’t get the thought out of my head! I know I’m ridiculous, but that doesn’t change the fact that I still think of it and I’m still scared that he’s going to leave me.

[FriendlyDude]

Have you talked to him about this? That might be a good idea. And remember, he’s spent 6 weeks with you already, why just drop out of the blue? Also, if you’ve only known him for about 6 weeks, is it even a committed relationship 😂? Just keep that in mind. If you two aren’t ‘a thing’ then you definitely shouldn’t place a restriction on who he can or cannot spend time with. If you are together though, you should probably talk about how you’re feeling. You should definitely trust him though, a relationship strives on trust. How do you know he isn’t worried that you cancelled because you have plans with a different guy? 🤔 not saying you do, just adding a different perspective.

Sorry if that sounded harsh or anything, it wasn’t my intention.

I hope that somehow helps you, I hope you get this resolved

[kv3011 in reply to FriendlyDude]

No! Not harsh! I need to be brought down to reality. I have trust issues from my childhood and from two past relationships (both cheated on me and one guy was living in my apartment for free!). I just always think the worst. I don’t want to put restrictions on him. I’m not trying to. I just mental deal with it and kick myself over it and not say anything to him because it’s all me. He hasn’t shown any signs of doing something that like. We are being exclusive so I would hope he wouldn’t break that trust. I don’t even trust my friends. It’s hard to trust someone I’ve only known for 6 weeks. But you’re right, I just need to trust him. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[FriendlyDude in reply to kv3011]

Keep this in mind too, has he ever given you a reason not to trust him?

I’ve had trust issues too, but I’ve come to trust on a basic level to start out with. From there, if they break that trust, and don’t do anything to build it back up, don’t trust them. But as they genuinely build on your trust, trust them more.

You said you two are being exclusive in your relationship, so I strongly suggest that you talk with him about how you feel. It’s important that you are honest with each other. Even if it’s all you and you want to handle it yourself, he’s there to help you. You don’t have to handle it alone. Assuming he’s a decent guy (probably is, I just can’t guarantee that since I don’t know him) he cares about you. If you open up and talk with him in a sincere and loving way, he’ll likely trust you more because of your honesty, and he’ll have greater opportunities to offer support and show how much he cares

It’s a win-win-win! Honesty prevails, trust grows, and love abounds!

I hope you consider talking with him,

I wish you the best!

[marsdream]

You can think about getting some mental health help for any issue of abandonment as you continue on in your relationship. A doctor can look at your family history and try to understand where this issue is coming from. You can overcome this, but you will probably need some professional help getting started. You need to ask yourself, has this happened only in this relationship or has it happened in previous relationships.