You are half way already.

[Kitten58]

Not knowing what to do or where to turn is why most of us are hear.

Knowing that something is not working and being willing to change is half the battle.

I hope you are looking for or have found an NA or AA group near you. Many of the women, and some of the men, have had experiences like your and could help you work through it. Just remember some of the men, and women, there can not be trusted.