Does anyone else just not...feel...sometimes?

[DemureRose]

I have a really hard time with dealing with my emotions. Typically, my emotions are not visible to anyone but myself and maybe my parents.

I’m one of those people who doesn’t cry in front of people when they’re sad. I might cry if I’m overwhelmed or angry, but never for sadness. At least not in front of people. And it’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because typically I don’t feel like crying when I should.

For example, my dad came up to me the other day and informed me that one of my beloved cats had passed away. He was one of my special cats, had a bobbed tail, and I loved him to death. But when my dad told me, I literally felt nothing. I knew I should be sad, but I felt nothing.

Same thing is happening with my friends. One of my good friends is moving away for college in August and I have no emotions about it. I’m not sad. I’m not upset. I’m just...neutral.

I just don’t care. And then there’s my other friends who tear up at the thought of her leaving. I don’t know why exactly, but I’m not upset that she’s leaving. I’m not happy sure, but I’m not upset.

I have a problem with vulnerability, could that be why I react like this? Like I hate for people to know I’m sick. I’ll go to school with a 100 degree fever and eat a huge lunch, then throw it up quietly, just to prevent people from knowing I’m sick. Vulnerability is just something I’m not good at revealing.

I just feel like such a weirdo when I feel nothing towards things that I should feel something for. I should cry at funerals! Being given awful news should make me more upset! My friend leaving for months on end should make me more upset right? Right??

[Laurennnnnnn]

First, I’m so sorry about the loss of your cat 💙

I get that way sometimes too and it honestly kind of scares me. But I think it might just be part of my brain trying to protect myself because if I’m sad or upset, I know it can turn into anxiety/depression. So it’s almost easier to shut off.

And I also hate showing weakness and there’s really no reason to be that way because people don’t mind. I think for me, that comes from the “walk it off” mentality my parents had for me

[DemureRose in reply to Laurennnnnnn]

I agree. I think my brain is subconsciously trying to protect me from it, even when I don’t want it to. I just feel like I look like a horrible person when I don’t react to stuff.

Last year one of my good friends told us she was moving away and once again I felt nothing, and I ended up just saying “well that sucks.” Even thought I didn’t really feel like it did.

All my friends say I’m “emotionless.”😂

I don’t know why I’m this way. My parents had the “walk it off” mentality but they never shied away from showing vulnerability themselves. They always told us when something bad happens it’s okay to cry and such. So it’s not like emotions weren’t allowed in my house. It’s super weird.

[Damian]

I don't think everyone reacts to things the same way. I haven't been to many funerals thankfully, but what always happens for me is that I start out feeling sad but not awful. Other people may be crying but I'm not. It only really hits me when the minister starts talking about the deceased person being with God, I suppose because it's so final. I don't think anyone else reacted like that, but it didn't really matter, we said goodbye as a family and that was the important thing.

One advantage of showing vulnerability is that hopefully other people will do the same, and then you realise you're not alone. You need to trust that the people are mature enough to take it seriously, though.