Quick profile: I'm 35 female, 5'7" 125lbs, 2 children, exercise regularly, diagnosed with OCD/GAD and Panic Disorder.
Normally, my health anxiety centers around cancer. I've diagnosed myself with at least 8 different kinds of cancer and I keep bouncing from one to the next (though breast is my largest and most persistent fear). Then a few weeks ago I had a heart scare and ended up going to urgent care twice and the ER 3 times, having a number of fancy tests and scans (probably unnecessary) only to hear that I'm 100% healthy. Then my anxiety clamped onto the fear of the risk of the scans themselves.
Now? It's blood sugar. When I was pregnant years ago I failed my one-hour glucose challenge test with a score of 138. My office uses 130 as the cut-off, though I know many offices use 140. I did not want to do the 3-hour diagnostic test (4 blood draws sounded horrible) so I opted to do home monitoring and report my numbers. But instead of actually challenging myself by eating regular carb/sugar meals, I basically followed a diabetic diet to ensure I *NEVER* saw a "high" number.
After having my children my blood sugar never crossed my mind again until recently when going through all of those stupid tests for my other fears, I noticed that I had a fasting glucose of 92. Still "normal" but higher than what I remember seeing when I was monitoring while pregnant, which was in the low 80's usually. So that was the first time the worry crept in my head.
Then the sink in my bathroom had a leak and I had to clear out everything in the cabinets underneath... what did I find? My old glucose monitor. And down the rabbit hole I went. I tested myself 2 hours after a sugary/carby meal and blew a 124, which would have been an unacceptable 2-hour post meal number when pregnant. By 3 hours after my meal it was back down to 98.
This morning I tested my fasting sugar and it was 80. I tested it twice to make sure it was accurate. So that made me feel a little better since I was worrying about the 92 fasting I had at the doctor's office.
So, here's what I absolutely cannot get out of my head: If I'm a good weight and I get regular exercise, why do I seem to be insulin resistant, and should I worry? My husband's blood sugar is a beautiful mid 80's even an hour after a high carb meal, and he is about 20lbs overweight! Meanwhile my sugar seems to spike higher and take longer to come back down. My doctor told me to throw away my monitor but I can't get this out of my head. Of course I Google and read things like someone who is TRULY not insulin-impaired will never spike above 120 even after a high carb meal, and now here I am with a new constant worry and obsession, and I'm scared to eat more than the bare minimum out of fear of what it will do to my sugar, yet I'm scared to keep testing (and my doctor told me not to!)
Bah. I guess I don't really have a question here other than to vent. I HATE this.