Loosing it!!!

[Bevvym]

Hi I’m pretty new here , I suffer anxiety and my bf of 16 years is bipolar type 2 , we have a rocky relationship to say the least , we can’t talk about anything as it ends up in a full scale row, so I sit n suffer in silence, literally ! He isn’t a bad man he does what needs done in the house and garden , he just refuses to spend any time with me or our daughter on a night time, he we don’t go anywhere as a coupleexcept to the odd rave, or to our friends for a hour once a week, Iv told him I’m unhappy and am going to leave him as this is my life too but he then starts a row n calls me turns it all around to make me out the bad person, I’m actually fed up of it all . We moved house 6 weeks ago he wanted a new start but all we have done is argue almost every day ! It’s driving me mad . Surely there’s a better life for me . I love him and he says he loves me he says he got no1 else n he needs me? but I’m now doubting that , how can you love someone or need someone but ignore them 90% of the time ? I stop n think it’s my anxiety making me feel this way but now I’m unsure .... any thoughts would help me

Thanks

[Agora1]

Hi Bevvym, some people get comfortable within an "uncomfortable" situation. It sounds like that's where you bf is. He rather be in a stressful relationship than to have to be alone. Even though he's not with you 90% of the time, he knows deep down there is a body near by should anything happen.

You on the other hand sound like you are not afraid to leave a relationship that is going no where after 16 years. Anxiety makes most of us worried about stepping out of our comfort zone even it we are miserable. After all we know what each day will bring good or bad. We hate changes but when life gets to the point of affecting our mental and physical health, that step may need to be taken.

Is your bf on medication for his bipolar? Unless he is taking it steady, that could be the cause of his actions. In every sentence I read in your post, it seems like you know what needs to be done but because the word "love" comes up, it confuses you. I agree with you in that loving someone cannot be a one way street or have an on/off switch to conveniently fit one person's needs.

16 years is a long time, but the rest of your life is longer and you so deserve to spend your years with some happiness and peace and calm. Maybe talking with a counselor can help you with your decision. I wish you well Bev. I'm glad you are talking this out. Good Luck xx