I’ve had depression, anxiety and severe ocd since I was a child. This past year has been the worst of my life. I have suffered to the extent that I was at once point writing my suicide notes. I went to therapy and it helped somewhat, but I’m far from better. I have an appointment next week to go on medication of some sort, but as medication was always a last resort for me, this is a big deal and I’m worried it won’t work, or it will make it worse! Every single day is a battle. I’m pushing my partner away to the point where we have decided to live apart again and he doesn’t want me around like he used to, I can’t say I blame him, he tries so bloody hard to do everything to keep me happy, but it’s never enough, and it’s hurting him too. This evening he’s going for a drink with an old uni friend and I’m so scared he will meet someone prettier, more fun and normal (how I was when I met him) and run off with them instead! I know if I could gain control over my thoughts any myself again that I could be myself again eventually, but is it already too far ruined? Can I ever overcome this? I’ve controlled/suppressed the symptoms fairly well for a while before this, but the second things start to go wrong or things happen that o don’t like and can’t control, I completely unravel! Hence why I have ended up where I am now. I’m not really sure what I’m looking for from writing this, reassurance? I don’t trust him at all because my brain tells me I’m not enough for him and he deserves someone without all this emotional baggage. Help!